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carving is art

can i please use carving as an art and not just an escape from this shit hole called my life??

odd thing... reading this artical on mcr... says gerard was 20 when he started this downward spiral he escaped.... well i dont think ill be escaping anytime soon..

losing more friends

this happens throughout life.
it hapens, its comman
i think im ready enough for this
have a good life

wow he actually wants to talk... took long enough

i must say one thing

i like being single believe it or not.
all my relationsships seem to go right down the drain for one reason or another
i really cant stand it.
i can be so caring and compassionate
and yet i still get walked all over
not just by friends but no by the one whos supposed to love me different
she might be transexual but at this point shes still a dumb guy

im cherise and im lesbian
love me
hate me
i am who i am

time for an endless sleep and constant nightmares

i think this will be the title of my next story.
now what do yall think of when you read this title?
your ideas might be included in my soon to be started story :)

what once was is now lost

it ended with a smile
i give up on what i once loved so dear
i give up on lost relationships
i give up on the things holding me back from death
ill push it all away smash it all to peices
none of it matters now
if i dont matter to them i wont keep trying
with only okays thank yous and smiles
im done. just done.

and if you wish to complain about what i post here
all i must say is
thank you family
the one place i have left to freely speak
with people who understand and wont just say "stop bitching"
please let it be okay for me to feel bad about tthis
please let this be okay

staying in utah until saturday

i needed a break i needed a vacation
depression was taking over in every aspect of my life
so ive run away but only for a week this time
not for good again. they say i cant move again
it would be the 5th time since october
i just want so badly to find a home.
is that too much to ask?

one last tour to say goodbye?

just one last tour, to say goodbye to us all. give us one last chance to thank you all. i would give anything to thank you one last time. just to scream it from the many people who came to watch you. to jump in the pits one last time just for you. please guys just one more time. this goodbye came from nowhere. im okay with a no but i have to try and ask please just one more time. for the ones you saved to say fairwell one last time. i would give anything.

to all you fans out there
sign this and show how much these guys mean to you.

im so lost

its not only the band saying theyre over.
no thats just another addition to whats going on in my life
yeah i have a great boyfriend
yes i have a car
but i feel like i have no family anymore
and i know i have no home.
in a week ill be homeless and then what?

i need one good cry
one good scream
one person to say im by your side every step of the way
i wish things never changed last year
i wish my mom didnt think i was nothing but a screw up

the jokes arent helping
these tears are falling and with no one left
im sure ill be drowning

so long and goodnight

another night with too much on my mind

a poem i wrote last night
thinking about making it into a song

sitting in bed looking at the damage
damage frome the blade ive come to love
love that makes me hate myself more and more
more every moment these scars arent gone

gone is where i would like to be most
be most kind to everyone through all these lies
lies that no one will ever see
see through the mask hiding your fears

fears to show emotion
emotion being sadness
sadness brining tears
tears through all these years

im still alive dont worry ive checked!

sorry guys i dont post much.
but im still alive dont worry!
i have a new favorite movie!
its called pitch perfect! greatest movie in the world!!