Purple Killjoy's blog

I'm never satisfied with my current state, I guess. First, I was depressed. Then, MCR helped me through it and made me happy. Then I felt kind of alone over here in my recovered suicidal corner. Now, I don't know where I am. I'm stuck, I think. I'm not happy...I'm not sad...I'm just...nothing. I've been looking forward to the little things, and that's been bringing me joy in my life right now. That and hanging out with my friends. The rest of the time, though, I'm just kinda blank. Today in math I was sitting by my best friend but we had to be quiet, and I just sat there and stared at the wall for god knows how long. It was terrible.
This...in between period I'm in right now isn't good. Or maybe it is; I have no idea. All I know is that it's exhausting. I need advice or something.
Or maybe, just maybe...
I'm just crazy.

So I just looked at the track list and release dates for the "new" MCR songs and The World is Ugly, which I LOVE, is being released on my birthday! :D BEST BIRTHDAY PRESENT EVER!
Thanks MCR. :3
This totally brightened my day after wanting to kill my math teacher. xD

Also, today was the day my choir teacher met with us all individually to hear what kind of voices we have. We were alone, thankfully, because if she made me do that in front of the whole close I would have said fuck it and ran to P.E. xD (P.E is where the non-choir kids go)
I feel like I did okay, and she said I sounded good, but I feel like I could have done better. I thought we were going to get to choose the song so I already planned on singing Breathe Me by Sia. Instead she made us all sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. :P Oh well.

God, I over think everything and then I make myself sad. I don't know what it is with me, but I'm like attracted to thinking about terrible things that will eventually happen. I used to make myself cry, even, but I've gotten so used to it I just get bummed out for a while.
Just felt like sharing that because I just thought about life after MCR and that was just...scary. Hopefully that's YEARS away, though.
Years, and years....

I love my social studies teacher. xD (Now don't be nasty, killjoys. Teehee.) But seriously...he's awesome. I mean, I already knew that and this is my second year with him, but now I wanna hug him.
We were working in class today and he always has music playing while we work. Well I asked him if he would put on Sing by My Chemical Romance and he did it! :D
I was sitting by my the only friend out of my group like that likes MCR too and so we were just sitting in the back smiling while it played. But that's not the best part. When I told him who it was by, he said,
"Oh, yeah. I know them. They're pretty good."
Now I know that isn't a big deal, but my TEACHER likes MCR. That's awesome! And it's not an old boring teacher either. It's a cool young one that is just flippin awesome.

Something very incorrect.
I'm almost 14; so by now, I'm in middle school, stressing about my looks and stuff like everyone else. (Though, not as much lately.) And the normal thing for 14 year old girls to take interest in is BOYS!
I have not. ._.
I mean, of course, I'm like obsessed with Gerard, Mikey, Frank and Ray. Because they're just awesome. x) But I haven't had those feelings towards another person. Not a girl, not a boy; no one.
My friends say they can't even imagine me dating someone or growing old and having kids. I wasn't offended, because even I can't imagine it. There is this guy that likes me and has asked me out twice. I said no both times but we're really good friends. So it's not like I haven't had the chance.
So...am I weird or something? Everyone around me, all my friends, are liking guys and getting boyfriends and stuff. And I'm just sitting here in my corner of loneliness listening to MCR. xD I'm worried I'll never find someone I like.

And I almost have freaking Gerard hair. -_- Don't get me wrong, the red looked great on him, but I'm thinking me? Not so much. It wasn't supposed to come out this red! I did this like a month and a half ago and it turned our perfect: Dark red that you could usually only see in the light.
But not this time. I dyed it again because the red faded really fast and I'm hoping this will too.
And...yeah, school starts tomorrow. 8th grade and my last year at my school. It's so sad. :,) I'm gonna miss it next year. I'm just hoping the school district doesn't find out a live a half hour away in another town, because all I wanna do is spend my 8th grade year, my last year of middle school, at the best school ever with my friends and teachers.
Well, wish me luck. I might need it with this hair. :P

...In a good, growing up sort of way.
I was looking through my old Kindergarten/1st grade stuff and it was just so much fun. I remembered everything! (I'm in 8th grade now, so 8 years is a lot!) I was just cracking up at my terrible art and crappy handwriting. :P I loved it.

Upon putting everything away I played an MCR song; Thank You for the Venom, to be exact. And even though I knew all of that stuff from when I was a little kid and my old town was WAY behind me, as I listened to the song I could feel that part of me dying. It was weird. It kind of hurt, but then it was relieving, because I knew I was growing up. And even though that thought scared me, I got over it quickly, as I always do.

Oh my gosh. -.- The things I do when I'm bored out of my mind and without internet for a month and a half. Well one day I was admiring my Wall of Na on my white board (see one of my previous blog entries) and I thought, hm...it can get bigger!
Thus, the EXTENDED Wall of Na was born!
See? Told you I was bored. :P
It's hard to see, but I did, in fact, write out every freaking Na. So worth it, even though my mom said, and I quote, "That's kind of crazy person stuff, dear." I just laughed.
She's probably right. But, hey, I'm crazy!
The biggest problem with no internet is when the Small Petunia of the Galaxy thing came out and I couldn't listen to it on my phone! But I just heard it and it's so cute! ^_^ Bandit is one lucky girl.

Breaks my heart to admit it but I think it's true. I'm losin' her. It's no one's fault. We're just...not that same anymore. We've been best friends since 4th grade and we're going into 8th grade now. I really wanted to graduate our amazing K-8 school together but I don't know if that's going to happen. I miss her. I long for the days when we would goof off at recess and dance like idiots. I long for the days when I'd come over to her house and we would chase her little brother around with plastic swords covered in fake blood. I long for the Halloween party last year where she and my other friends held me down and covered me in lipstick. xD Good times.
I just miss her, I guess. Every day it seems like we're growing farther apart. Is that what happens to best friends? I seems like every thing I do, she does opposite. It's weird. We never used to be like this. Well, kind of. But it was never a problem before, and it wasn't as bad. Now it seems like we're on different planets.

I wasn't able to make it to comic con, mostly because I'm flat broke and didn't stop to connect the fact that Gerard was gonna be there. xD
But I read some stuff people have been saying about what they saw and what he said and I'm really happy right now because he said he's quit smoking! I am so proud of him. Every cigarette is that much closer to death and that much closer to losing that beautiful voice of his. I would seriously cry for weeks if either of those happen. I kind of wish he out lives me. xD lol.
And apparently he dyed his hair black? I'm not sure how true this is because I saw some from comic con and he looked pretty brunette to me. I kind of hope it is. I miss black haired Gerard. :P

I am just so happy for Gerard for trying to quit again. I really hope he can quit for good! He can do it! ^_^