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What should I do? :(

Okay so I have this friend who's kind of a jokester. She really hates being sad so she never lets herself get sad around me or anyone else. She makes jokes and stuff to make herself happier and all that. I've only seen her cry twice, and even then she was REALLY trying to hold back.
So anyways, a few weeks ago it kinda came out that I thought about suicide last year. Two weeks ago, I thought about it again and she found out the next day. (And why.) Today, I think she told me she thought about it, too. It was...weird. But anyways, I really wanna talk about it with her but I know she really doesn't want to. And I've seen cuts on her arm before and she won't tell me about them...I'm scared for her. I don't know how to talk to her about this because I know she'll try not to. She's the kind of person that will fake a smile at all costs. I hate that about her.

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Guys, I don't know what to do...

My life is falling apart. Everything is just falling down around me and I'm so scared. Here's...everything.

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I tried writing another song.

I think I'm going to call it, "I Learned That Lesson a Long Time Ago." I haven't written anything (good) for a while, so...yeah. Thanks.

They all said I crazy,
locked me by myself
in isolation,
where I was no one else.

I was so, confined,
Could never speak my own mind
Taught to think, like they do,
and now I regret it every day!

But they don't see,
the things I do!
No one but you!
No one but...

You haven't seen the worst,
you've seen just what you wanted to,
because you know, that without me,
you could go back to being you!

And what's so wrong with that anyways?
A perfect person in your days,
you can slip and fall,
and the catch is worth the call!

You see how they cry,
you see the people die,
you see the bodies piled up
one by one!

I used to hide out from the shadows
where no one could see me
I'd make make my own new friends
no one knows that I still breathe

I talk to them regularly
and without hesitation,

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BEST. SONG. EVER. xD My friend showed me this a two weeks ago and I'm still addicted to it.


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And ANOTHER song...

I want your brutal, honest opinions of this one.
The last line was something I thought of a long time ago and I really wanted to put it in a song. I might make it its own song...I don't know.

Well moving on,
is the only choice God gave us to survive
just suck it up and live another life
One where the tears don't hurt so bad
and thoughts are ones you've never had

And I know you can't move on
Until we've all been put in the wrong

And we are,
still hurting
but you never hear the cries
all the little short goodbyes, tonight

If I stick around longer
will be promise to be stronger
like I know you are
even when we're the farthest apart

After I'm gone,
will you never forget what I said?
Hold it close to your heart till the end
Do something no one cares about
and fill your worthless little life with doubt

And I know you can't move on
Until we've all been put in the wrong

And we are,
still hurting
but you never hear the cries

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When writing songs...

When you write songs, which comes first; music or lyrics? I'm having serious trouble writing my thoughts into lyrics because I don't have a tune and I can NEVER think of an original tune that isn't stupid sounding. Any tips? :/

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Another Song...

I call this one half alive. How I feel a lot...

There are tens of thousands of people who would kill to have a life,
with friends, a family, and a couple pricey little finds
but maybe it isn't as amazing as it seems?
Have you met a person with this life,
I guarantee, that,

They cry themselves to sleep at night
oh where did they go wrong?
She beats herself up constantly
cause she can't write a fucking song!

Her biggest daily goal is to make everyone else happy,
she resorted to cutting when she was only 13

And now it's half alive,
Half here and half to die,
She does not have to die
Where would the loss be in that though,

She's never had a friend
who's there until the end
why does no one see?
The tears that stream,
every tear that streams

As beautiful and cunning everyone might say she is,
her faith in all her glory is just gone,
what does she miss?
Anyone who cares enough to listen to her voice

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My birthday!

To be honest, my birthday was better today than it was yesterday, on my ACTUAL birthday. Mostly because I got to be surrounded by my friends instead of locked inside my house because of the stupid snow.
Anyways, I am now 14, and I'm feeling great this year. My friends threw me a party during school and everyone in my homeroom signed a huge poster for me. I never realized how many people cared about me. It just makes me so happy that my friends spent my birthday with me and not surrounded by a tombstone. <3

On a completely unrelated note, I got a new phone and I would like to know if there are any places I could get an MCR wallpaper. :P It's an Android, if that helps. Hehe. I tried to make one myself but I couldn't get the sizing right at all. So yeah. Thanks. ^_^

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So today is my birthday and my parents got me a couple MCR shirts. When I tried them on I found 3 balloons inside of them...I'm so confused. ._.

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Have you ever met someone like this?

I have this friend. We've known each other for almost a year now. He has kind of a big crush on me. Now to what's really bothering me about this particular person: he's extremely insecure. I have winter formal, my very first winter formal, on Friday which he knows about. He's a year older than me, so he's a Freshman. I told him I might not go, but tonight, for some stupid reason, I decided I would. (I have to buy a dress, too, because I don't own one. Ugg.) Anyways, he told me that if I decided to go, I should get him a visitor sheet so he can go with me. But...I kind of don't want him to come. I haven't told him I'm going yet, but he'll find out from Facebook and stuff. I feel sooooo bad and I know that if I don't bring him he'll flip out and think I hate him again. If I don't tell him I care about him once a week he get all upset.