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oxCarCrashHeartx's blog

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Go Easy...

Please take it slow for the sake of the show, cause I can't seem to get my head on right. I'm all screwed up, and my screws have all gone missing if they're not loose. I just need another hit of this weed, can't ya see? That I'm all kinds of fucked up now. You got me just right, you nailed me in all the right places. I can't move even if I wanted to. You got me so good, got me so good now. I just want to break free, can't ya see? Baby, please... get the hell away from me. But I hope that you still love me... I don't know who I am, I don't know where to go.

Weather Friends in Disguise...

I could really care less who sees me and who doesn't these days. It always feels like I never want the people who do see me around in my life, anyway. Maybe I just don't want anyone there to witness the hole that I'm in, the grave that I dug for myself for so many years, but then... I see myself loving the people that I could never really have in my life. Why is this? I'm not picky. I'm just in love with those that will never want me and that's why I love them. Because they don't want to see me. They don't know me. Therefore they don't want to know who I am.

Far Away...

The lies are coming in full force again. They grab me and pull me in. Make up these stories to get out of everything and always do nothing. Cause that's the only the thing I can't fuck up. These friendships are just too much. They wear me down and I'm always feeling like I'm holding back. I can't be me when they're around. I have to be someone so much better than me. But I don't know how. I can only wish that love was enough. They say it so frequently that I often think that it's to overcompensate the hate that is really there. It's a cover-up. Like make-up caked to their faces.

Just A Blog... Nothing More...

I choke and stutter on the words to say. When it comes to you, I've lost everything. I can't help myself, but I tumble and I trip. I fall flat on my face and here comes the nose bleeds. The pavement gave me something to forward to. The cuts and bruises it left behind made it real. I can't just let it go. It stings until it scabs. It all takes time. But sometimes something like that doesn't go away. It leaves behind the reminder that it did happen. And it shows that it fucking hurt. You. You hurt. The sight of your smile, the hint of your scent... and the clothes that you wear.

Excuse Me While I Post A Few Things I Wrote:

"Untitled 1"

When I die
I’ll know why
It’s not because of
The pills I take
Or the nightmares
That keep me awake
Or the emotions
That I choose to fake
It’s the lack of love
That makes me shake
And a smile will break
Cause I know I’m alive
At that point and time
I’ve nothing to give
If all you do is take
I don’t want you to know
I don’t want you to see me
I wish I didn’t have to go
But I don’t want to stay.
Can you just stay away?
Just get out of my head
It’s like a terrible chase
And an angel like you
Shouldn’t be running
Around that fantasy place

“See You Again”

Sun shines and the rain pours


Is delish. Honestly I think I've lost my mind.

Something To Say...

Ya know what's cool? Shapeshifters. They can turn into anyone or anything. That's awesome. Wish I were a shapeshifter! Haha!