Skip directly to content

notinthisalone's blog

Syndicate content
Day 2 of depression: Maybe a bit better?

Yesterday I posted a blog, a goodbye blog. Unfortunately I'm still here because I was stupid enough to listen to my friend who talked me out of sucide. I wish I hadn't listened to her so I could be dead, if only... I know everyone would be better without me, I just know it but I guess I'm stupid and unfortunately I listen to people.

The whole idea of these blogs is depression, my depression. It's going to be about how I feel that day, hap pines or sadness.

I'm sorry, most of my blogs are about depression and suicide but I can't help it. I feel it so often and I always feel like death is an escape route. This is one of those times. I feel like I'm alone, I normally am though. My 'friends' act like I'm not there and I think they don't want me there. No one ever really wants me there, I'm normally too depressing. Friends are meant to be there for you, right? Well mines never are. They leave me myself when I need them and they never invite me anywhere. I hate it so much. They are always together and where am I? In my house, myself without anyone.

Wow...

Well my sister found out about me wanting to join the navy.... Wow, I never thought she would be the first to find out but it felt good that she knew because before she knew only four of my closest friends knew. It does feel good that she knows but now she's pushing me to tell my mum. I don't want to tell her right now but I don't know why I don't. Maybe I should wait a while before telling her or just tell her when she's not expecting it. But I am really scared about this and have no clue how I'm going to tell her.... Oh well I guess I need to tell her soon, right?

You can run away with me anytime you want (PART 8)

The session went in quite quick again, we only had to copy down some shit from the board which I honestly had no clue what it was, Mikey didn't seem to know either. Well aren't we good at English? 
The bell went for fourth, I was in art with Gerard which was great. 
Mikey and I spilt ways when we got to the ground floor as he headed to Graphic Design and I went for Art. I was the last one there as usual but I still has my sets beside Gerard because no one sat there because we were supposedly 'freaks'. 
"Oh and the Suicidal Emo returns!" One of the jocks shouted from the back of the class and

I'm scared....help?

Well I'm scared obviously. But it's about telling my family about me wanting to join the navy, I have NO idea how to tell them and at the age of me being only 13 I don't think they'll be very supportive. I'm also quite a shy person about my personal life and hate telling people things about me. I can't even bring myself to tell my sister whi I've gotten really close to lately and I feel terrible. Do any of you guys know how I can tell them without them freaking out at me? Please? It would be really appreciated :)

I know what I want to do now...

Well as the tittle says I know what I want to do with my life. I want to join the navy. I don't know why but I really want to after I spoke with my uncle. I gave up on bass after I was kicked out the band I made but that's life right? So when I'm 16 (3 years from now) I'm applying to the navy to be a warfare officer or just a reserve. I don't know yet but I am going to and in all honesty I can't wait. My friends that I have told are so supportive of my descion but I have no idea how to tell my mum and dad and the rest of my family I didn't tell my uncle he only thinks that I was looking at what he as does in it.
Well that's all, but I'm definitely joining the navy soon and I can't wait! :D

You can run away with me anytime you want (PART 7)

"So how's your day been so far?" Gerard asked putting his hands on his hips, I used to think he was gay but he kept reassuring me he was straight but in all honestly, I didn't believe him.
"Great, I want to know what it is Frank has for me" I said crossing my arms over my chest looking at Frank who couldn't help but smile at me, I really wanted to know.
"I'm sorry but you have to wait until the 11th and then it will be ready" He said smiling at me before pulling me into a tight hug.
"Do I need to wait?" I asked making puppy dog eyes hoping that he would tell me.
"Yes you do" He said kissing

I'm okay now! :D

Well I'm back for good now, I swear last night was the worst night of my life! Giving up MCR is the hardest thing I've ever done. I was told I wasn't a true fan, that I was disgracing the name of MCR but you can't judge me, you don't know the reasons why I left and never will because I'm not going to talk to judgmental killjoys. Yes I gave up, yes I came back what's your problem? At least I'm back and can go back to having a normal life, well not normal but just enough for me :)

I came back because I never realised how much MCR meant to me and how much they inspire me.

Why give up?

I'm not giving up anymore, I did for an hour and a half until my family and friends convinced me not to. It took that our and a half to convince me and Im so sorry for jumping to conclusion so quickly. Please forgive me?

Giving up MCR

Well I'm no longer going to listen to them, come on here or get more poster because I'm done with it. With the bullying, the hate and everything. When I didn't like them everyone loved me and I didn't really have any haters but now I do and my life would be so much easier. I'm sorry I'm no longer a killjoy, someone can continue my fanfic if they like but one things for sure i'm not. Well this is my last blog on here and my last MCR song I'm listening to, well at least it's skylines and turnstiles.

Pages