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Three Little Birds Sat On My Window

as the canary lies on where three birds slain
and the moon descends for the morning's rain
the stench of that which was once to be - finished it stays
it's body discovers that it's death delays, decays
pitiful little bird so perhaps not meant to be
it's wings clipped - it's freedom sold away
still life holds true to what promise it gives
to remove all flight, even with much might
to remove all light, to lose every fight
as a calf learns a thing or two
when her mother becomes food for me and you
i have learnt, that the pain of life stays
it does not end when i close my eyes
every night becomes the end of accumulated pain
every morning, the sunshine's rain
and tomorrow is just another day

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A Poem I Wrote That Means Nothing But So Much To Me


In head in my soul I am dry
Trying to find the reasons why
My soul aches it sings for joy
Not of joy but longing for joy
Still my heart beats under reach
The stench of sin in the heat
An eye for meat and something to eat
Thirsty for something out of reach
My hurt telling them not to preach
Death is the only fate it seems
That can redeem me from my deeds
Is it true or is it not
Sometimes I try to think
Something starts to sink
In head in my soul 
I do wish to feel whole
To fill that damn hole
Something in my soul
All becomes so cold
So I am told to keep hold
In head in my soul I try
I really really want to fly
Up in sky with the birds high
I try to die I try to die
It is not easy to cry
I want Him I have to lean
He is here but so I hear
It is me that is still here
I do not hear I cannot hear
Tell me something Dear
I am but sheep crying for help
For the baas and aahs that I yelp
Pushes all that I have felt
Into hole into hole

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The world's not gonna end!

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You Don't Know A Thing About This Gun

Ok, so I haven't posted for a while. But you guys are in my feed on my iPhone! So I kinda read almost everything..
But I can't comment much :(
It'll b nice if there's a mobile version for the MCRC.. w the comments option.
Anyway, I'm in the army.. Involuntarily.. And I'm stuck in camp doing duties.
It's not a big deal cos I'm in a very peaceful country.
And but sadly there aren't many killjoys around here. Not that I know of, cept for one..
And another I met at Times bookstore once.. But I was so freaked out when she said she liked my mcr shirt..
She had a funky hair colour.. I just replied "uh.. yeah" and smiled.. I'm so anti social..
Or shy.. For the first time round.
Oh and if you are reading this, Pizza Pony, hello!!
Just wanna say hi to all you killjoys and revenge seekers out there..
I really wished I knew u all personally.
Everytime I read anything you guys write, it feels like I'm reading my own blogs.
Im so glad I found mcr, and then this site.

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The Pain I'm Feeling

i really don't know..
i can't say how i'm feeling..
i don't even know where to put it,
not even on my blog, or in my dairy...
i just thought maybe here.. nobody would read it..
it'll be fine..
at least nobody i know..

i feel so shitty...
i wanna say all disgusting forbidden words right now...

if you take all the bad things you've done,..
all the nightmares you had hurting others..
take it all and put it in a pill,
and then swallow it...
that's how i feel right now..

i can't move on..
i feel disgusting..
why do i keep hurting everybody?
i wanna hold on to hope..
but it keeps slipping away..