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bleeeh ?

soo Today is Saturday (actually, Sunday) its 1:55 am, and my first day of school is this Monday. I know, I should have been trying to sleep earlier, .... But I just cant I have a horrible sleeping schedule. That's why I have horrible dark circles under my eyes. :/
Anyywwaaaays I dont really know how long im gonna be online now, But any of you out there want to talk? I love meeting killjoys from all over the place!
lol, I know noone is going to comment but I just felt like I needed to write .. something.

I dont know :D

well... I know most of you dont care , But oh well. I really dont know whats gonna happen xD my best friend is not going to a christian school after all, so im a little pissed that i cried all that for nothing... and we kinda had a fall out... but well you know, If she cares about me as much as she says she does, we will work things out when we get back to school in a week.

whoaaa xD

things are NOT going right, so what do I do? Be ignorant and leave my problems like that. ^.^ Ignore them :D I will pretend everything is alright and not even think about the bad things, loose myself in my imaginary world you can say.
I was going through my pictures.. and damn I have changed alot. But in the end, I love who I am. kind of... these are just pictures of what happens when I get bored (x
in the last 2... I tried to imitate Andy Biersack on one side, and in request of my brother, be a girly girl on the other side xD yepp.

*completely off topic*
and like ive said before, if you

I love you people!♥

okay, I know that I put.. a sad blog like an hour ago. and, well I mean, its still there, the darkness. Ive had a lump in my throat all day, and I feel like im gonna break down at any moment. But not this moment. I will save it for when Im in bed and I wont be able to hold it in. ANYWAY. I was just going through some old blogs... and I feel so loved! (: I .. I just, love coming here, and reading about other people. even if its sad. It makes me feel like im not the only one going insane. I know its not good, But hey, thats why we all have each other right?

so, It was actually going well.. until.

I dont really wanna get into it, since ive cried more than enough.
I was determined to .... you know, forget about the problems, and be happy. and I actually was! Too bad it lasted little. what else can you expect to feel when you get the news that .... the person that is literally... keeping you sane. the person that keeps you from doing something horrible, the reason youre not dead, is getting taken away from you? it wouldve been waaay easier if she had told me to fuck off, that she didnt want to hear from me.


No, Im not in love, But I just cant stop listening to this song!!!!
Its so... I dont know, it calms me down c:
its... literally... like 6th time I play it in a row.
and its weird for me cuz I get bored after a song plays a second time....


okay. so I've realized, I need to stop being a cry baby.
Yes, I feel like i want to die, I'm suffocating with my life, But....
unlike other people, I don't have a reason.
I cant think of anything that makes me feel like this.
I'm just making a fool out of myself. I should be okay. there should be nothing wrong, and I shouldn't have the urge to grab a blade right now. even if I'm crying.
So.... I shall stop my whining. and every time I feel down, I will keep it inside.
I know some of you say that I shouldn't... but really its for the best.
I'm okay. I have to be


so there's this girl.
and she smiles, and giggles, in fact,
there are times when she just cant stop smiling.
and everything is just SO funny! and she comes up with the weirdest stuff.
but... in the end, it goes away. and all that is left is emptiness.
and she realizes it was there all along. But she was trying to ignore it.
and every night, right before she closes her eyes, It catches up with her.
and devours her.
and her daddy makes her cry.
and shes lost.
ans she just wants to die.
and she feels like shes loosing her mind
But she just does not know what to do.
shes sick.


Theres so much going through my head....
I've seen alot of blogs about...people wanting to die. and cutting... and being depressed.
Well..If you want to talk... Im here. I mean it. I mean, I love when I get a message about someone worrying, it gives me hope. So, if youre going through something, and want to let it out, dont be ashamed to message me.
The thing is, Im willing to listen to anybody, and I DO care. I hate to see that anybody wants to die, and that theyre cutting. But yet, here I am. I am the kind of person I would help, But for some reason I cant seem to help myself.


Im really worried about my best friend.. her parents saw her cuts and they freaked out on her. Im SO worried! cuz her parents are not exactly supportive, they would do anything so they wont deal with her.....They want to send her away! I dont know what to do to help her. )':