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Happy Dysfunctional Turkey Day!

Let's face it, we all come from some sort of dysfunction family, otherwise we would not be on this blog. Dysfunction is what brings us together here and allows us to understand Gerard's lyrics better than someone who is happy all the time, or at least on lithium. I have less of a dysfunction this year since only my MIL is coming. My boys are with their dads so I only have my little girl. She should provide amusement enough to make up for the missing kids.

I hope everyone's Thanksgiving is slightly less dysfunctional than your normal life. Eat well and listen to Danger Days to celebrate! ^-^

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What would it be like to drown? To just walk into the water and float for a while and just drift till your body got so tired that it just went down. This is how i feel right now. The water if my life and right now I can barely keep my head above let alone float anymore. My life is so empty. Another friend has left my life after taking from me what they could and left me with nothing again. I do not understand why I continue to help people when they continue to hurt me in return. Am I glutton for punishment? I insist on being stupid and seeing the potential in people and helping them to come out of their shell while retreating further into my own. Today I spent most of work solemn and on the verge of tears when someone spoke to me. I had no way to work this morning now that my friend is gone. I used the money that i was going to fix my car with to help her out and now I am screwed without a car.

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Really Getting Fed Up With So Called Fans!

Why is it that people that claim to be fans of the band also tear them to pieces when they do something they don't' like or agree with? I mean the amount of people that trash The Black Parade Era because they did not like the concept or the direction of the music is astounding. They use the words sell out and main stream. I happen to love that album because I can hear the pain that the band went through to make it in the music and Gerard's lyrics. I happen to not enjoy Bullets as much because it is too raw for me, but I do not make fun of it or make fun of those who enjoy it more.

Also those that are stating that Conventional Weapons only came out because the band needed money is the most ridiculous idea I have ever heard! Anyone who read Franks blog knows it is because the band understood that they could not move forward until they confronted the past. We should be honored that they wanted to share this experience with us not belittle them for it!

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In An Bad Place Right Now

I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I lost it yesterday at work and busted out crying just as I was tying on my apron. I am really in a bad place right now. The stress of home is really getting to me and the abuse too. I have been abused all my life in one way or another and I usually have a nervous breakdown every six months or so. Yesterday it was scary though, I was cutting boxes at work and for just a second I looked at the, well you know. it really did scare me though, I have not felt like that since I was 30. That was seven years ago and I just stopped eating. Yesterday I did not eat anything until midnight because I had to take my pills. And then it was only a sweet from work. I just had no appetite at all. I was looking through tumbler and came across a picture of Gerard that someone had posted with one of his quotes about harming yourself. It made me feel better and I made sure to listen to MCR as much as I could.

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Really Stupid Post

So today I was serving guests like normal and I picked up a ticket that said Gerard. Now there is no way that it would be him in any chance in hell. First i live in no wheres ville and there is no reason to even be in this area and second, my luck would never be that good. However just as a cookie for me, i imagined that it was him that I would be serving and saw that trade mark smirk for a spit second. It turned out to be a old woman who was using her husbands card. I knew it, but i can dream can't I?

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It's Been A While

I've kind of been in a bad place for the last week or so. i got really depressed and just stayed in bed in a bathrobe for several days. pretty much did not eat anything. i think i had one decent meal the entire time and just at dessert or chip items the rest. I just could not break out of how i was feeling. At least I had one of you Killjoys to keep me company with silly conversation that made me laugh and allowed me to cry and feel. I have to thank Roarasaurus for being awesome and I just love to find a message waiting for me when i check the website.

So i am in my 5th week, which is the last, of this class. I start a new one on Tuesday. I am beginning to feel the weight of being in school until 2014 and I did not feel it with my Associates degree. I guess it is normal apprehension.

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Borrowed From Kobrapoison109, Who Probably Got it from Somone Else

Gerard Way:
[] Born in April
[] You’ve been addicted to alcohol and/or drugs
[] Born a leader
[] You love drawing
[x] You love singing (one of my few true pleasures in life)
[] You don’t take crap from anyone
[x] You’re afraid of needles (No piercings or tattoos at all)
[] You call your friends by their last names instead of their first
[] You have siblings and love them
[x] You have brown/green eyes ( I call them hazel, my ex called them shit brown)

Mikey Way:
[] Born in September
[] You play bass (no but I will do when I can afford one)
[x] You don’t have asthma
[x] You are near-sighted
[x] You wear glasses
[] You’ve had the urge to stick a fork in the toaster
[] Seen as the little kid amongst your family and friends
[] You are the youngest sibling
[] Skinniest in your group of Friends
[] You stuck a heater in the shower

Ray Toro:
[] Born in July
[] You play guitar
[] You have a scar on your head

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Planning For Next Tour

So last year I went and saw MCR for the first time on the Honda Civic tour and of course then rocked. When they start touring again, I want to make damn sure that I can see them again so when I get my taxes in I am going to put money aside so that I am guaranteed to have the money when the tickets go on sale and get decent seats.

So I posted that my daughter's hair is purple and now my son's hair is blue! They are 5 and 6 years old by the way. Apparently I am either crazy for doing this by some or the coolest mom in the world by others. I am just happy that my kids chose it and like it.

I have been listening to Boy Division more than I have Tomorrow's Money I noticed. I really like the idea of hearing Mikey's bass riff and knowing that he can finally showcase his talent fully, but there is just something about Boy Division that makes me want to play it all the time. Ah the power of MCR. ^-^

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I Don't Love You Like I Did Yesterday

Killjoys, I really need you help. My son just dumped his girlfriend, who is also a good friend of mine, in a horrible way. I just found out he has been stringing her a long for at least two months, he says the last time he really felt anything is in August, and although they have not had sex, they did everything else. She is really invested in him and the relationship and he just basically threw it away with very little explanation other then he just has no feelings anymore. He hurt her on her birthday, the 28th, and then told her that he would be willing to work on the relationship and gave her false hope! I am ashamed of him right now. He is behaving like his father did towards me, he asked me for a divorce on my 21st birthday after we just finished screwing! He says he is hurt to and feels dead inside, but she was very much alive this morning, this happened at 0520, and crying for hours in my arms.

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Samhain Is here!

All right, well you guys know it more as Halloween or Ieroween, but Samhain is what i celebrate as a Wiccan. I still take my kids or in this case just my daughter out trick to treating, but when that is over and the kids are in bed, it is my time to howl. I do a few spells and rituals, but nothing crazy. Just celebrating the start of the new year for me and my family. This year i am including my son's girlfriend.

So Frank turns 31 today. i wonder what he is going to do. When the tour was going on, they use to play two shows in one day, because that is what frank wanted. I know a ton of fan fic is going to come out for this day. I am hoping that he takes his kids out trick or treating and then the family snuggles in and watches movies. i know if he was with the guys, they would be watching horror movies. ^-^