momiji_neyuki's blog

Hey everyone! Wow, it has been forever since i last blogged. I know i was really depressed and suicidal at the time. Things have gotten a little better, but not much. At least that voice is way in the back of my head again instead of screaming in my ear constantly. I am so sorry to those who have been waiting for me to return their messages. i have not forgotten or ignored you, I just was in such a depressed state i had so little to say that was good. i did not want to give you guys false spirits of myself. i do not like doing that to my friends here or in real life. Also to those whose fan fic i am reading, I will catch up and comment soon, I promise. i have not lost interest in them, just in myself.

At least i am no longer walking to work. In a weird way i bartered a car from a guest at work for my son as a Christmas present and will use it till i can afford to get my fixed. I have a loyalty to my car and besides i put a kick as radio in it that i am not giving up! ^0^

So last night i listened to the part two fo the podcast with Gerard and Mikey talking to kevin Smith. It was awesome! They broke down Welcome To The Black Parade line by line and we got to hear what Gerard and the band was really feeling at the time. Also they talked about Bob! ^-^

Enjoy part two guys!

http://smodcast.com/episodes/2-way-street/

On Facebook right now there are so many Killjoys showing their scars, literally, with the words "Very Much Alive" written on their wrists with red and black bands drawn. It is both beautiful and heart breaking at the same time. I feel for those who have external scars because people will questions you and judge you based on what they see. Those like me who have internal scars do not get the credit for being depressed or sad enough to want to end their life and at least I do not outwardly allow those to see how i truly feel inside. I guess it is part of my choice to not burden others with my problems. I just wanted to shout out to the bravery of those Killjoys right now.

If anyone wants to check out the posts here is the link, and please don't judge me for the page. I understand the difference between fantasy and reality.

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Frerard-The-Evidence/520658107947297?ref=...

So I posted this last week, but I did it so late that I think no one really got to read it. Last week I was on Tumbler checking out new pics of MCR to save and I ran into a post about a Kevin Smith Smodcast with The Way Brothers. I followed the link and laughed my ass off for over two hours of Gerard and Mikey talking about growing up in NJ with Kevin Smith. I found out so much stuff that I do not think was even published about The Way brothers before. like Gerard was held at gun point once! Also Mikey was considered Gay in High school, not Gerard and actually Gerard had a pretty decent time compared to his brother! The best part was listening to Kevin getting excited when the brothers would talk about places that they had in common and you could see him jumping up and down in his chair waving his arms around ! ^0^ Even for people who are not into MCR, they exist right?, it was an awesome time just listening to them bullshit and have fun. This is only part one.

Totally enjoying listening to Gerard and Mikey on a podcast with Kevin Smith. They went off on so many tangents about New Jersey and had so much fun together. It is so weird hearing Mikey being so raw and honest and the amount of times that Kevin said how awesome a kid brother Mikey is had me giggling. Here is the website if anyone is interested.

http://smodcast.com/episodes/my-chemical-bromance/

This may be pretty naive of me, but I thought that a friendship was give and take. I thought that a friendship meant that you had another person's back and they had yours. I thought a friendship was equally treating someone the way you wanted to be treated. I guess I was wrong. I have never been treated like a friend the way i treat people. I am always the first to be concerned with them when they are in trouble. the first one to open my home and heart to them. The first on to offer them a ride to where ever and not even ask for anything in return. The first to invite them over for a meal or just to hang out and watch a movie or listen to music. The first to expect nothing in return except friendship back. I guess I was wrong. Friendship is one sided. With one person taking as much as they can and leaving the other with nothing. Friendship is using someone for your own purpose and not caring how they feel in the end. Friendship is abusing those that care about it and worry about you.

I am so in love with Ambulance! It makes me feel so good when I hear it and gives me a little extra spring in my step. Each one of the new songs is finding a place in my heart and I am starting to understand what Frank was talking about on his blog.

So I was trying to be really good and wait till at least midnight before finding Gun and Ambulance on Youtube and I noticed that the My Chemical Romance channel had uploaded them already! I jumped on and downloaded bother songs and listened to them for the first time!

Ambulance is infectious! I could see the boys really having fun live with it. Also Gerard would have a blast bouncing all over the stage. ^-^

Gun was easy to get into also. So far my favorite is still Boy Division, but Ambulance is a close second. I am still having trouble getting into Tomorrow's Money, but i love hearing Mikey's bass strong in the opening.

Dinner was quiet and relaxed. First drama free Thanksgiving ever. We watched Madea's Witness Protection and it was fucking funny! What isn't funny is how i have to walk to work tomorrow and get up at 0400 to be there by 0700. Life sucks because of this, but hey i have to bring home a paycheck right?

Let's face it, we all come from some sort of dysfunction family, otherwise we would not be on this blog. Dysfunction is what brings us together here and allows us to understand Gerard's lyrics better than someone who is happy all the time, or at least on lithium. I have less of a dysfunction this year since only my MIL is coming. My boys are with their dads so I only have my little girl. She should provide amusement enough to make up for the missing kids.

I hope everyone's Thanksgiving is slightly less dysfunctional than your normal life. Eat well and listen to Danger Days to celebrate! ^-^

What would it be like to drown? To just walk into the water and float for a while and just drift till your body got so tired that it just went down. This is how i feel right now. The water if my life and right now I can barely keep my head above let alone float anymore. My life is so empty. Another friend has left my life after taking from me what they could and left me with nothing again. I do not understand why I continue to help people when they continue to hurt me in return. Am I glutton for punishment? I insist on being stupid and seeing the potential in people and helping them to come out of their shell while retreating further into my own. Today I spent most of work solemn and on the verge of tears when someone spoke to me. I had no way to work this morning now that my friend is gone. I used the money that i was going to fix my car with to help her out and now I am screwed without a car.