momiji_neyuki's blog

For the past two days i could not breathe. I did not want to eat, I did not want to sleep, i was numb. This was not all because of MCR either. My children are being threatened to take them away form me and I was a mess. When I lost the music i turn to to support me, I had nothing. I lost it at work and had to be sent home because i was crying on the register. All I wanted was closure. I stopped listening to the music too and turned to Greenday instead. it was not the same support, but it was part of my three life bands so it worked. I could not sing along to anything though and songs took on new meaning. I even put all my MCR stuff away in a draw free from view and took all my pics and hid them in a folder. I even changed my desk top pic. I was a fucking wreck.

Today on the way home from work I was listening to Greenday and "Last Day On Earth" came on. I listened and found myself singing. I was singing to MCR and the chorus just rang out.

"My beating heart belongs to you.

I have been in such a bad place for months and it has been the music that has kept me going. Now I am at a true all time low where I may even be losing my kids and not knowing what is going on with the band is just.....

I have been in such a bad place for months and it has been the music that has kept me going. Now I am at a true all time low where I may even be losing my kids and not knowing what is going on with the band is just.....

"My Chemical Romance are a band that have polarized opinions, angered newspapers, formed an army of extremely loyal fans the world over and managed to keep their heads in the process. But despite their formidable live reputation, their musicianship is often overlooked in favor of whatever controversy the press has decided to attribute to the band that month.

In attempt to rectify this, we spoke to bassist Mikey Way and picked his brains about his early influences, his gear preferences and the development of his signature Squire Mustang bass."

Happy V-Day everyone. For those who do not have that one special someone, remember that we all have the guys as our valentines because they all make us feel special. Okay, enough of the sentimental crap. ^0^

So on my nightly endeavors to fall asleep I have been listening to MCR on Grooveshark.com and this means that I get a fair amount of Bullet songs in the mix. I will be honest and state that I am not a fan of Bullets. i am this way with most bands first album. it is too raw and they have not found their sound yet. I let the songs play through anyway and try not to skip them. I found myself paying attention to Head First For Halos more carefully and find that it is a better song then I thought it was. it has now made its way into my everyday playlist for work.

For my own little Valentine's day gift to you, I present three pics of my favorite time of the band. White hair Gerard still gives my the shivers. ^-^

Call me a bitch, but I do not care. I just could not take it anymore. My husband is not acting like himself due to either his new seizure medication or the last two seizures he has had. All week long he has been walking around in a buzz that has him being less emotional than Ben Stein. Tonight was the last straw when after only getting two hours of sleep the night before, I took a five hour nap after I got home from work at 1600 and slept through dinner. He saved me nothing to eat and when i questioned him he just shrugged his shoulders. I told him to go sleep on the couch. I sent his sleep mask with him and had my son plug it in. I still want to make sure that he is breathing properly while he sleeps, but it is like sleeping with a stranger lately. Even the physical touching has stopped. I mean not even hugs or kisses and usually my kids are yelling at us to break it up and get a room. Sorry for the TMI, but I am really upset by this. I don't know this man in my house.

I am still trying to be good and wait until MCR officially puts out the last two songs from Conventional Weapons tomorrow. I know I could cheat and check out downloads from people who already received their copies, but the pain of waiting can be so rewarding.

In other news part of my life is really starting to suck again. Work is good though. I got a .30 raise and I exceeded expectations! That made me feel really good considering my depression in December and not having a car, walking to work along with my thoughts of suicide. Most of things are fixed now, but I am starting to get depressed again and this time it is my husband.

I am pretty sure that NO ONE here is part of the problem and my comments are not centered on anyone who I know and do not know as a member. ^-^

If Mikey Way was just Mikey Way and Alicia was just Alicia Way and he cheated on her, no one would give a fuck except immediate family. Just because he is Mikey Fucking Way, the world has decided that it is their business to choose sides and do stupid shit like blast them or even cut for them!?!? @-@

This is a family and Band affair and ....NO ONE FUCKING ELSES! leave them the fuck alone to deal with this shit in their own way! Oh and really, who gives a shit if Gerard chose to say "Oh pickles" instead of What the Fuck? He did not want to add to the problem and be vulgar, is that really so wrong? Come on people, get a life and just enjoy the music. Let them be human for Christ sakes!

I don't know, just empty I guess. One of those times where i feel like I am not making a difference in this life at all. Does anyone else feel that way? I just wake up, go to work, come home, and sleep. No real life in between. I try to be there for my kids, but I am gone most of the time and hardly see them. Getting depressed again too so i am up in my room hiding in bed. I do not tell them that they cannot see me, but I make little effort to see them. Am I a horrible mother or what?