Menacing_Venom's blog

I have a horrible feeling something has happened to my friend Inese. I just want her to know if she's reading this that I don't care if she doesn't want to speak to me ever again. I'm sorry if I haven't done enough to help you I just want to know you're okay. Please let me know you're okay...
Or if anyone knows anything about her, she's known as 'daughter of the night' on here let me know please. You live thousands of miles away from you but right now I'm crying my eyes out and I'm feeling sick. You can't leave me.

But I can't because my emotions only let me cry at the wrong times... i.e around people.
I'm so confused I want to rip out my hair! I'm so pissed off and frustrated with myself. For nearly 2 years trying to push it down and hope I'd forget about it but I haven't; I think I'm bi...
I know there's nothing wrong with being gay/lesbian/bi/transgender but I'm not in love with some random girl I saw in the street, or a girl in my class that might have an interest in me, no I'm in love with my best friend. Why?! Whywhywhywhywhy!? I don't fucking need this. I honestly don't know what to do.

This one's about fake friends. People that are insensitive and in the end so selfish! But I must say, (I do both so I know what I'm talking about) picking up a pen and writing the right stuff works exactly the same as picking up a blade... Just saying.

I'm sorry.
For whatever I have done.
Because this isn't you.
You're not the person I knew.
I'm sorry.
I'm fighting this battle.
In you I placed trust.
Now as valuable as rust.
I'm sorry.
I'd give it up if I could.
But evidently you don't get how hard it is living like this.
'Just be happy', you MUST be taking the piss.
I'm sorry.
That I was detached.
I feel alone, talking is wrong.
I've not felt good in so long.
I'm sorry.
For failing at it all.
I'm trying my best.
Cutting, therapy, you know the rest.
I'm sorry.
That you are getting the best of me.
You can't comprehend the amount of tears I've cried.
Or depth to in the lies I've lied.
I'm sorry.
You had the bar set high.
Your pretty blue eyes...

I heard a song tonight on the radio called People Should Smile More (look it up if you like him^^) then I found this and I was so blown away! Not my usual of rock and metal but I honestly think he is pure talent! Also he's got dreadlocks... What could be more awesome than a guy, playing the guitar, singing beautiful lyrics and with dreadlocks?! Extremely young Frank comes to mind after that description but still! This dude is epic!

Age 12: Life became shit and now, 3 years later it upsets me to think how much of this I can relate to.

According to my dad anyway. I'm getting a curfew on the amount of time I spend in the internet. Which is fucking great cause the internet is the only place I fit in. The only place where I talk to people regularly and the only place I can stomach telling someone about how I feel.
Along with this, my dad said I could get my own room, IF I spend less time on the internet, hold my tongue when it comes to my little sister and mother and if I become more sociable! He also asked if I wanted to go back to see a councillor (I refused to go after my 3rd session, I never wanted to be there in the first place) But it sucks cause if I'm not texting my best friend who lives ages away I'm talking to my only other 2 friends on here. If they knew the only reason I was still alive was due to the internet I'm sure he'd have a different view!

So in my school the years change as of next week. I'm in 3rd year at high school so on Monday I'll be a 4th year. I'm not really sure why I think it's to do with the finale exams for 5th and 6th years. Anyhoo the last 2 days are spent off timetable for 1st - 3rd year and we pick activities to do while 4th-6th are on study leave for like a month. Yesterday I went to a theme park and today I went to this class were we kinda learned about stencil graffiti art. Don't ask, it's just something that has always amused me.
But before we made the stencil of our choice we had to do a practice drawing, that's the 1st picture. The 2nd one is the finished product. I picked Pikachu to do with my Killjoy friend... Just a random little conversation we had once...
Love you all and Pika loves you Emma ;) xx

It's about when you can't describe what/how you feel. Also it's to do with a dilemma I'm facing at the moment. There's a big choice I have to make, and I'm scared.

The Unexplained Words

These words lie on the tip of my tongue,
Choking on them like a throat being wrung.
Weighed down by the world, into a black pit,
I can't write them, sing nor spit.
Holding these burdens back behind my eyes,
But even they begin to tell my lies.
I promise, I'm not this way out of spit,
All I need to know is what choice is truly right.
Please tell me, where is the hope?
For all I see is a blade, bridge and a rope.
Honest when I say I can't find belief,
As I bite these words back by the skin of my teeth.

Thoughts? :/

Am I the only one that'll write out blogs, or texts or go to call someone but then won't go through with it. You're not even sure why but you just delete everything you've written or put down the phone, just so you're not bothering anyone?

So... This woman had influenced me so much! Being from Scotland, incredibly talented and so beautiful the very first album I ever got was her debut This Is The Life. Now she's onto her 3rd which will be out on June 11th. The meaning behind the video is to do with a boy who wants too grow up too fast, ends up racing through life with out taking it in properly. Personally I think it's too reflect society with kids these days being like 8, wearing make up, heels, with phones and ipods, shit that young kids don't properly need! Be a kid. Play with your friends in parks, watch cartoons, enjoy having nothing to worry about. Not copying the sluts on TV and in the charts!
I thought I'd share it cause Amy means a lot to me!