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Obsessive Compulsive Tendencies

Does anyone ever find themselves doing things that would be defined as obsessive compulsive? For example, right now I'm under the influence of a large quantity of coffee and two 20 mg tablets of adderall. Before you say anything, I'll explain why I took the adderall so late at night. There's this girl I like at school and when I'm not all insane from lack of sleep, or other stimulants, its hard for me to approach her because I don't have the courage. I found out that if I'm all wired up, I have an insane amount of courage so its easier to talk to her. Back on topic, I've realized that I when I'm very alert, things have to be a certain way or else I develop this extremely negative feeling in my head and it drives me crazy because it takes all joy out of literally anything I usually find enjoyable. I've come to the conclusion this only happens when I take my medication.

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My Untitled Song

So I just wrote these lyrics down about 10 minutes ago and I was wondering if you lovely Killjoys could give me some constructive criticism:

I'm living in a nightmare. My blood across the floor. I spitting out the corpses for the reaper at the door. A worm is more exciting than hearing you talk shit. If you think you're made of courage then let's do battle in the demon's pit. You're so deceiving! You're words are empty. You lack devotion. I can feel you dying. You feel my poison dwelling inside you. I hope you're ready for your impending ending.

That's all I've got so far, I'm not sure if I like it enough to continue. Your thoughts on the subject? Have a nice night everyone.

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Vices, Part 2

There are a few things that I discussed in my blog "Malice, The Ultimate Vice" that I would like to elaborate on. I mentioned that I smoked cigarettes and have done drugs before. I know all of you are better people than me, but if you ever do feel like doing drugs will help you, think twice. I've mentioned previously that I've experienced depression problems, but I never explained. I was clinically depressed for 13 years and also had psychosis, which is hearing and seeing things that don't exist for those who don't know, and I just recently went to a mental hospital to cleanse myself of those demons. Well before that, I usually turned to drugs for comfort. For the first couple months, I only smoked marijuana, and things weren't really improving, so then I turned to the harder stuff.

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The Joys of Simplicity

Okay, so today at work, me and my friend Zach were listening to the song Planetary(GO!) on repeat because we have a mutual love for the song. It's amazing. But it made me get all nostalgic and I just was thinking about all the simple things in my life that put a smile on my face. For example, this morning when I got out of bed, I looked in the cupboards and there was one Fiber One bar of the flavor I liked left and that made me happy. That's my breakfast and if it's not chocolate then I'm not going to bother eating it. It's little things like that that I think a lot of people take for granted everyday. So here's my challenge to you fine people, next time something little like that happens that sparks a bit of joy in your heart, just appreciate it because they're just little signs from the universe that you're probably going to have a good day...

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What About Bob?

I hope most of you got the reference this title has to offer. If you didn't I was referring to the movie What About Bob starring Richard Dreyfuss and Bill Murray. So I was just listening to Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge and I just kind of thought to myself, "what in the hell happened to Bob Bryer?" I feel slightly embarrassed because I should know something like this, but I don't. So can anyone enlighten me as to what exactly happen to Mr. Bryer and his position in the band?

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Damn, I Love My Music

To the right, you see my three favorite bands: My Chemical Romance, Slipknot and Thirty Seconds to Mars. If you haven't deduced this yet, but I have a burning passion for music and I make sure that every moment in my life has music involved in it. It excites me, it comforts me and it befriended me from a very young age in life. I was four years old when the power of music struck me in my little noggin and I just happened to be with one of my favorite people in the world... my father. He was listening to the radio and one of his favorite songs came on and he cranked it. The song was All The Young Dudes by Mott the Hoople, a rarity for the radio, and I was immediately sucked into it. If you haven't heard of the song before, I'll have it posted in the blog. So we finished the song and my dad saw how intensely satisfied I was by the song so he started teaching me about classic rock music for the next 5 years.

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Goodnight, Killjoys

Well everyone, it's time for me to go to sleep. Goodnight, sleep tight, and don't let the bed bugs bite. See you later, Killjoys!!!

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Food For Thought

Alright, I have a couple things to say here. First of all I'd like to point out that suicide is just another way of saying there's been a waste of potential. Don't throw your life away because depression is crippling you. I don't know how many times my suicide attempts were convenientally interrupted ,but I will say they were all just a sign that I was going to piss away the greatest gift I could ever receive. If you ever find yourself backed that far up against the wall, please contact the services the website has to offer on the home page or please contact me. I'm a message away and I will provide my phone number if you feel the need. Killjoys, we are all the same let's help each other. I just texted a member of this website for almost two hours to prevent herself from committing suicide and I'm exhausted. Suicide is an asshole so let's treat it like one and dispose of it's ugly, putrid face and not waste our time with it.

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Self-Control

Something most people lack now-a-days is self-control or self-preservation. People go to parties and get all drunk and fucked up and end up doing really stupid things and then they end up bitching about it in the end. Well things like that wouldn't be a problem if you could handle yourself. Then there's the other people who can't control themselves sexually. Things like unexpected pregnancies happen and they're left with an urgent sense of what in the holy fuck do I do now. From experience, I could never keep it in my pants with my ex-girlfriend. Then she ruined a huge part of my life and I wasted my virginity on a person who didn't even deserve me in the first place. If I had a sense of self-respect that whole situation could have been avoided in the first place, but I didn't and dated the first girl who showed interest in me. At any rate, learn to control your nasty habits and fantasies because if you let them consume you you're pretty much fucked. Have a nice night everyone

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This Is Me

So this is me. Excuse the photos, some of them are a couple years old, but yeah! I'm Killjoy Jordan!