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Back from NewYork!!!!!!!

IT WAS BLOODY AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
it was everything i wanted it to be and more, it was the best thing ever, i am sooo glad i went.
and im going back as soon as i have more money. lol
soooo good!!!
anyways, im back to planet earth now, lol, got work tomorw. but NYC was the best thing ever, wish i lived there. lol

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as alot of people are discussing it...

Arguing and fighting online is not cool, and not smart.
i dont care who are you and where your from or what your doing, this site is meant to bring us TOGETHER! not divide us and make people fight.
i left school yrs ago and i feel like im in a playground again.
come on get a rip on reality here people.
others have bigger issues, and dont want to read blogs about petty little school girl/boy arguements.
if you dont have something nice to say then dont say it. having an opinion is one thing, but then slagging people off and stuff is really horrible and hurtful.
all if you GROW UP!

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im now 21! woo!

After all the ups and downs of life i finally made it to 21!!!! on saturday the 20th of march i turned 21.
i went to work (i work in a fancy dress/art shop) and the customers were wishing me happy birthday so that was really nice, i was wearing a shit load of badges and what not. haha
i had another MCR cake my dad made, pics will be up soon!
then yesterday (sun) i had friends and family over for a big partttaaa in my house. did a load of food and all that. i dont ever take my parents for granted and they have been more than amazing this weekend.
NOW on the 29th im off to NYC!!!!! the big apple! im so excited you dont even know!
my boyfriend met all my family at once (over 41 people) so he did very well, im proud of him.

anywho, im off to work now! but im all excited lol! woooooo!!!!!!!

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Some information please

I posted this this morning and i got no response so i will try again now.

I was wondering if you guys could help me, tell me some links to sites where it explains about being Bi-polar.
or some first hand knowledge would be nice.
i was diagnosed with depression when i was 16/17. im now nearly 21 (on saturday!) and i think im bi-polar.
i have refused medication because i thought i could find other ways to help myself, and i selfharmed to help myself from the age of 13...not good. but i havent harmed in 2yrs but i really cant keep it together now.
i have been reading a book and its making me think medication might help, i can just try and see what happens. it cant be any worse than the breakdowns and freakouts i already have.
but yea...im off now. any help!?
thankyou in advance for anyone who can help.

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information on Bi-polar

im just about to go to work, and i was wondering if you guys could help me, tell me some links to sites where it explains about being Bi-polar.
or some first hand knowledge would be nice.
i was diagnosed with depression when i was 16/17. im now nearly 21 (on saturday!) and i think im bi-polar.
i have refused medication because i thought i could find other ways to help myself, and i selfharmed to help myself from the age of 13...not good. but i havent harmed in 2yrs but i really cant keep it together now.
i have been reading a book and its making me think medication might help, i can just try and see what happens. it cant be any worse than the breakdowns and freakouts i already have.
but yea...im off now. any help!?
thankyou in advance for anyone who can help.

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No need to read just a mindless rant.

Ive been good. really good and i crashed back to earth a few days ago and i cant get back up.
I know how i work, my mood crashes, i get upset, i get angry, i go a bit loopy but after a few days im ok.
but this is worse. Work is hard with this mood. i work in a shop so its difficult to interact with people when you feel like shit.
My boyfriend who understands nearly all the time, doesnt get this.
i have hit a brick wall, and im not getting over it anytime soon.

i dont know what to do, its my 21st birthday in a few weeks.
and to me this just seems so fucking lame.
but i cant control it, and it scares me.
im just so fucking lost, i want to stand in the middle of an empty field in the rain and scream till i cant scream anymore.
im useless to myself and others around me.
i have amounted to nothing.

There are poor people in this world, dying people in this world and i know that, and i know there are millions wayyyyy worse off than me, but i still feel like fucking shit.

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For Bob

Im not sure if you will get to read these but i hope someone prints all these out for you to show how much we love and are guna miss you.
I want you to know i think your an awesome guy. you kicked arse at every show i saw. i have seen MCR 13 times and Bob you fucking played them drums with all your might.
i really wish you well, and i hope you didnt leave on bad terms or anything.
you fucking kick arse!
you cant be replaced.
*hugs*

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Somethings not right...

I feel not quite right, sorta wierd. down.
my boyfriend is coming over tomorw and staying over, i should be over the moon, but im not,
we have been going out 10months, but known each other 6yrs. im 20 (nearly 21) and he is 22.
i love him to bits and id be so lost without him, he has helped me through so much.
but why arent i all excited. i dont know, i hate it when im down, nothing can pick me up.
it might be something i sleep off, i really hope so.
last time he was over things didnt quite go to plan, i was wierd and i freaked a bit as we got closer if u catch my drift.
its not our 1st time together so i dont know why i did it, well i do, im not comfortable with myself, but it didnt happen b4.
i really couldnt control it, i was very consious he was looking at me and i really didnt want him to be.
now im thinking im going to do it again, and its already worrying me.

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New Hair, Kelly Clarkson and all the good stuff! lol

Just had this done, i did have black hair, i let it grow out a bit and i went to the hairdressers and had them dye it red.
i have done black to red b4 so i knew it would be a graduated colour, but i think that looks kinda cool.
These pics dont show how bright the red it actully is, its a great color.
And i had the side shaved off, lol.
i am very happy with it, i think it looks great.
woop! i have booked myself in for 24th of march to have it dyed red again, because by them i will have roots and stuff, my hair grows really fast.
and to have more shaved, probably about another inch behind my ear.
anywho, im all excited! lol
and im going to see kelly clarkson tonight! woop! its like an early 21st birthday present to myself, lol and my best mate is coming along, for her 21st i got her a ticket to, lol. woop!

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EXCITED!!! WOOP! lol

I just feel like posting this, lol
today i have a day off work, and in a minute me and my dad are going to an art and crafts store, and im guna get a load of stuff.
then tomorw i am working but its ok, because my younger sister is working with me, we will have a great day.
then FRIDAY!!!!!!!! 9:30 i have a hair appointment, guna have half my hair shaved off, lol, then im meeting up with my best friend who i havent seen since b4 xmas, shes had a shitty time at uni and stuff, and then we are going to see Kelly Clarkson! hahaha
I dont care what anyone else says she is brilliant. cant wait!
Sunday im seeing all my little cousins and the rest of my family, woop!

anyone else have anything good coming up?