mcrforlife78's blog

hello beautiful people!
im just at school, working on a program called Flash. its boring. i have absolutley nothing fun to do! gahhhh!!!! someone please message me or at least help me find something to do ._.

~Lexi Shadow

im going to break up with Will. its not right to fake love. i still havent done it yet. but i will. in 10 minutes. wish me luck (that i dont believe in)!!

~Lexi Shadow

im so conflicted.
right now, there are three guys in my life. there's Will, my boyfriend, Max, my best friend, and Henry, my friend that i've known since last year. all of them are equally as sweet. but i love Max the most, yet he has a girlfriend.
Will is so sweet and adorable, but im not sure if i can ever love him as much as he loves me. im not sure if i can ever love him again. this is the fourth time we've gotten back together and its getting kinda old. i feel like i have to fake my love for him. thats bad right?

For all those who've heard, yes Ronnie Radke is in fact a rapper now. but he's still in Falling in Reverse. he's just doing a side project with Skrillex. its actually a good song. you guys should check it out. its called "Alone". check it out on youtube or the warped tour website :)
your welcome ^_^

~Lexi Shadow

my eighth period class played a sick joke on me. they claimed that Finocchiaro knocked on the door , asked for me and requested meet him after school. i was so stoked, so anxious, so nervous. my palms were sweating. i knew he would ask me out. but in the back of my mind i knew they were shitting me. bullshitting me.
i packed my things and asked to leave early but the teacher wouldnt let me. everyone screamed, let her go!!!! thats when i knew something was up.
Mike Dugan said, "im sorry. its not real."
the teacher, said, yeah it was a joke.
i instantly grew upset. my heart or whats left of it broke. i wanted to throw up. i wanted to walk out and cry.
i heard myself say words so violent. they all asked if i needed help. if i wanted to see a counselor. if they should tell someone.
Dugan said, just dont care. dont listen to it.
i replied, i know. i try to be defiant, to not care, but sometimes it doesnt work.
he told me, you cant think like that.
everyone agreed.

its beginning to look a lot like hell here. the thoughts in my head haunt me. tell me to die. to end my life. tell me its not worth it. all my friends are long gone. all my life ive wanted to feel like i belong. today is no better. tomorrow will be worse.
save me from the ridicule, the berating, the pushing around. save me from the nonsense. yesterday, they all laughed at me. im sorry for being so defiant. im sorry for being talkative. im sorry for my attention deficit disorder. i hate it. i hate you. i hate everyone.

the new album Sleeping with Sirens "Feel" is coming out with a golden ticket to win awesome prizes!!!!!!! theres only 3 with them. im gonna keep buying the album till i get one. heres the prizes:

- Guestlist for you and 1 friend to Sleeping With Sirens’ shows for life
-A journal. Inside the journal will be all the lyrics to FEEL, handwritten by Kellin. The journal will be signed by the entire band. The rest of the pages will be blank, for you to personalize.
-We will also provide a cool feather quill and ink well.
- You’ll receive 1 red & white starburst vinyl record, signed by all of us. There only 500 of this color variation in the world.
- 1 gift card for $250.00, applicable towards Sleeping With Sirens merchandise on MerchNow.
- A 1 on 1 video chat with you & Sleeping With Sirens for 20 minutes

these are the best prizes ever. if i dont get a ticket, i will die O.O i need those prizes!!!

i cant believe the things guys do to me.
first Brian who claims he loves me then kisses his ex gf. then Nick Finocchiaro who asks me out then the next day says we're not even going out. i still havent talked to him yet. and now Will who keeps teasing me and pressuring him to get back together with me! i am with Will though....

short story

Shane Sellucci. my heart. my love. my lover. he's everything i need and evrything i want.
his eyes sparkle in the sun and the moon light. they are grey with flecks of purple. his gaze could make me melt. like putty in his hands. i want to hold him. i want him to hold me. kiss me. forever.
i feel like we met before. maybe im dreaming. but im not. his black medium length hair flowing in the wind. his lithe, yet muscular figure standing in a pose of defiance. he sits down under a tree alive with the promise of spring. his back arches in the slightest. i need him.
he pulls a small spiral notebook from his back skinny jeans pocket. his blue t shirt rides up. traces of abs appear. he pulls it down in frustration. he is uncomfortable with his body. a pen emerges from the spiral bound notebook. he grabs it with a flourish, instantly begins to write a letter to a long lost friend. Dear Shadow.....

my friend with benefits, Brian. ugh his name disgusts me..... he kissed his ex girlfriend right in front of me. does he even realize the damage he's done? everyone warned me about him. he fucks you, then fucks you over!
yesterday, he showed me how much he loves me. you guys know what i mean ;)
now i feel unloved, not special enough, like a piece of shit. someone please help me.
everyone says to forget about him but yesterday is a clear cut memory. i wish i could start again.
"i wish that i could just turn back the time. start over again."

~Lexi Shadow