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Tomorrow<3

So everyone knows, tomorrow 11 years ago was when Gerard decided to do his secret desire. :)) Look at us all now. I have no idea where I'd be today without MCR.
Also, tomorrow is my step dad's birthday. We've been living with him the past 12 years. :). He's going to be 44. I can't imagine my life without these two largest impacts. If my mom hadn't left my dad, I'd probably be long gone. I'm still traumatized by the screaming and fighting. I was four and I remember it. My dad was surprised when I remembered that one night, it was my dad's weekend but my mom wanted us.

Writing Songs

I've been writing songs lately and this one I started last night.

I'll pop pills if it gets me closer to your face
I'll pass out every night with this bottle in my embrace
The smell of liquor and failure will overbear anyone who nears
But at least they don't get close enough to see my tears

Fuck the party
I want the poison
But where's the fun
When ghouls come for me
I've gotta jet out
Like a star, shooting
Being a kobra lashing out
Or a bad kid, looting

:)

I Miss My Chemical Romance News!!

It's been forever since an actual update on MCR's doings. :) I like the layout though. It's the jam. :P
I want to hear more from G. He hasn't done blogs in FOREVER!! I miss hearing about cereal with marshmellows. I miss the coffee count :). I just want updates at least monthly. From each member. Just so we know how they are. How their families are. :) I want to see some pics of the Way and Iero kids. Bandit, Cherry, Lilly, Miles. They were all so adorable but I haven't seen anything in a while. It'd be nice to feel like we're all a big family again.

It's Now or Never

MUSICIANS IN/ NEAR GAINESVILLE, GEORGIA, I NEED TO START A BAND. I can't stand how I feel. I know I can do it. I am going to make it. I NEED a band. I would like the makeup of MCR. Rhythm Guitarist, Lead Guitarist, Bass Guitar, Drums, Singer. I would be the singer. We would start with covers of probably MCR, Misfits, etc, etc. We would make original music eventually. Anybody here??? We can do this. School sucks, start a band.

Warning: Depressing. Help?

The following is from a late night rant in my notes(diary). It's disturbing, do not be alarmed. I need advice. Any advice. Please don't be mean. This is straight from feelings and thoughts... It was going to be one of my songs but... well yeah.

I feel like I'm nothing.
I want to die.
Life is not worth living.
I want to die.
No one really loves me.
I want to die.
No one really needs me.
I deserve to die.
I don't help anyone.
I deserve to die.
I can't change anything.
I deserve to die.
I'll struggle until my death.
I'm going to die.
I'll always feel worthless.
I'm going to die.
I'll never

Forever Ended

Forever has ended

You said you would love me forever
It seems forever's at its end
because you said you were a man of your word
And now we're not even friends

I don't understand how this can be
I gave everything in me
To make sure you would be happy
But now I can see

You must not have really loved
Just wanted sex and play
You didn't actually want me
That's really not okay
Because

You said you'd love me forever
I don't think forever did end
I think you're a fucking liar
And this pain you will never mend

Because I won't forgive you this time
I can't get back everything I gave
I'll still love

MCRMY SOLDIERS IN OR CLOSE TO GAINESVILLE, GA!!

Hey. I want to start a band. I'm a singer. I'm not great but oh well. Get in touch with me as soon as possible, I have a bassist. I need a lead guitarist, rhythm guitarist, and a drummer. Genre. Do I really have to say? We'll start with covers and work into original music. LET'S DO THIS SHIT YOU AMAZING FUCKERS!!!!!!!!! I need to do shit. Get on over here lemons. :) Love you all.

I'm telling you the truth, I mean it! I'm okay! Trust me!

I'm not okay. But okay at the same time.
I feel sick. I was thinking about my closest friends. They have been very depressed. The boy I love (Xavier) has been my friend the past like 4 years. I set him and his ex up 2 years ago.. Stupid, right? Well X has had a horribly abusive life and he struggles with depression. His boyfriend wanted to break up with him but Xavi didn't want to. He took the pain of his boyfriend sleeping around on him because he wanted things to go back to when they were happy.

I'm in one of those moods again....

Hey guys. Okay so it's going to be a whiny blog. Warning.

So I just want to feel like I'm worth something. I want someone I want to want me back. I'm never good enough. Never. I am an exceptional boy. I can sing okay, I can draw sometimes, I'm artistic, I play some guitar, I'm loyal, I'm funny..... ish, I'm a slice of a lot of things. I guess no one likes the flavor. :/. I'm always here. I stay beside you when you need me, not just when I need you. It's so stupid that I'm so insecure but I try to help it.... it's so hard.

Cross- Dressing, Drag Queens, Pretty Boys, etc :)

How do you guys feel about men who enjoy cross-dressing? :) I do like to put on makeup and a girly outfit every know and then.... I used to dress up a lot more. Anyways... what do you think?

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