mcarlyr's blog

I haven't been on in so long. So I'll fill everyone in on what's gone down.
-I dyed my hair blonde. It looks nice. My eyes look more green.
-I've been grounded FOREVER.
-I met one of those badass-type guys who gives not even half of a fuck about anything. But there's something about him that makes me want to know everything. I've never met someone so interesting.
-Jonathan and I dated again and broke up again. He has now devoted his life to God.
-I'm failing french. What the hell?
-My mother is out of prison early and is trying to be an active part of my life. She calls me at least twice a day and talks about my problems.
-My dad wants to send me to therapy.
-My baby nephew or niece is on it's way. Baby Olive Joose is almost here.
-I officially REFUSE to wear my glasses. My vision gets worse every day.
-Lauren and I are celebrating our 15 year best friend anniversary on May 21st.
-The Steelers did NOT win the super bowl. :[

Other than that, my life is pretty boring.

You don't know I lied, of course. You won't know. Ever.
You mean a lot to me, even if I don't mean that much to you. I don't want to tell you.
But I feel like I should. I feel that you deserve that much.
Even though I didn't keep my promise, I feel like you at least deserve to know that I didn't.
You're like a brother to me, and I never want you to know what I've done.
You'd be so ashamed, disappointed.
I'm both of those things.
But in some strange way, it made me feel better. I love feeling better.
I'm a sick person, and I need help.
I'm so sorry.

carlychaoss.tumblr.com

Read muh shit, yo!

The only reason you go on this website is so you can read my shit. Did you ever stop to think that maybe I don't want you to?

So that blog about being happy without Jonathan?
Fuck it. Forget I said anything.

I was SO FUCKED UP then entire time we were broken up.
I didn't eat or sleep AT ALL for 12 days.
I stopped talking and wouldn't even look at my dad.
I was a fucking mess.

So when he asked me out again, and I wanted to say no SO BAD, I couldn't do that.

He's my life. Jonathan and Lauren are now what my life revolve around.
I would literally die without them.

This would be a REALLY good time for you to be online. :[
ILOVEYOU.
-carly.<3

I used to have a crutch; someone I could hold on to when I felt weak, and I knew she could hold my weight and keep my standing. But she's gone. She now knows how I feel and there's nothing I can do. I can pretend to be strong and try to hold both of us up. But I've tried that before, and I was the one that ended up falling.

I can't say that I won't miss him. Because I will.
But I had to break up with him. I couldn't take it anymore.
He's a cheater, and a liar, and a manwhore.
Not until after I broke up with him did I realize how bad for me he was.

I'm going to miss being called Hunnybun though.
It brightened my day.

I'm not saying I don't still love him, because a part of me does. But the part of me that doesn't will take over my body soon enough.

He lied to me, and cheated on me, and flirted with 39863267 other girls. And I was done taking it.
So I told him to fuck off.

And a 100 pound weight was taken off my shoulders.

I'm going to miss how he made me feel though.

But with every time he hurt me, I got stronger. I think I'm okay without him...

-carly.<3

I shouldn't be crying right now.
Scratch what I said about Jonathan being amazing
He still does the impossible. He makes me cry.
He doesn't care anymore. He used to tell me ALL THE TIME that he loved me, and he used to sit on the phone for hours. He doesn't say he loves me when we get off the phone anymore, only sometimes. He on;y talks to me for a few minutes.
He would write shit about me on his facebook ALL THE TIME which was really cliche, but it made me smile. He doesn't anymore.
He used to make me happy.
It's been, like, a month and a half, and I shouldn't be crying over him.
I never cry over guys.
I want to talk to him about it, but I'll feel like a whiny, needy, annoying, selfish bitch. But that's what I am.
I don't think he realized what he was getting into.
I don't think he ever cared as much as he said he did.
He will be the death of me. >.<
I can't have someone else talk to him because that would just make him mad.
WHAT THE FUCK TO I DO?!

He's great.
Just fucking great.
I love him oh so very much.
I don't even believe in teenage in love, and I love him.
That's right, he does the impossible.

-carly.<3