lonestarchik89's blog

Hey everyone,

My paw paw has been in the hospital's hospice for about four days including today, and has been in the hospital itself a week and a half as of last night. For once I ate a salad for dinner, but forgot the dressing haha.

Really the only thing they're giving my paw paw is pain medication and trying to keep him comfortable. The hospice level is on the level right above where he was at first. There is a 3 seat sofa and 2 high backed chairs in the room and a cabinet to put clothes and other things if you stay there overnight.

Hey everyone,

It's official- my paw paw is not going back home. They are going to try a hospice. There's no way my paw paw is going to get better, so it's just as well we keep him at the state he's at. He's not going to go back home. There's no way my granny can do everything herself. It's not the best news, but at least he won't be in the hospital forever. That's all I really wanted to say.

Attempting to keep my same level of positivity,
-Siren of Destruction

Hey everyone,

It's about my paw paw again. He was going in for a EEG and doctor's appointment this morning, but he fell and hurt his hip last night. Thankfully it's only cracked, not broken. But this is still scaring the shit outta me. Just thinking about him falling scares me.

I mean, he's been in poor health for the past year at least. Sleeping most of the day, eating very little, having nearly no fat on his body and saying nonsense things like the radio being too loud when it's not even on. He even started talking to me like I was my brother when we were having a secondary Christmas after the New Year with my cousins since they were at his wife's family's on Christmas Eve.

Hey everyone,

How is it that an optimistic, positive person can have a fascination for all things violent? I like horror and gory movies, stories with violent events, death and depression, depressing songs. In my creative writing class my last semester which earned me my associate's degree, I wrote nothing but depressing stuff. My professor made a comment on a poem (it was the half with poetry and short stories) I turned in for homework on the fact most of my stuff thus far had been depressing and full of death.

There was a reason for the death since it was that semester that Jonathan had died, but for the rest...Why was my stuff so bleak? I find it weird. Now and then I'll write a little thing about getting a second chance at life and being sent back from Heaven, but that's rare. It's like my brain is bipolar- my realistic and positive part and my dark, bleak, dreary part which thinks DEATH BLOOD WEAPONS DEMONS CATASTROPHE FATALITIES MASSACRE.

Hello everyone,

For some reason, I want to blog on here seeing as it is one of the only places my family cannot see what I write. I was looking at my Facebook a minute ago and read my middle name. All of a sudden, I feel proud to wear that name. Maybe because the person the name comes from is in the cemetery I was at the other day- John L.

Hence the name "Johnelle"

Maybe it's the fact that when my parents and I went geocaching the other day, there was a puzzle that started in Memorial Oaks Cemetery. First thing I thought of was Jonathan. My dad hadn't seen the plaque that they had put on his grave, so Mom and I showed it to him. There were two pairs of drumsticks in the flower holder- one red, one green for Christmas.

Hey everyone,

As the title hints, my presents were mainly related to coffee!

We had to open our gifts Christmas Eve after we got home from my grandparents' house because we aren't morning people and had to go to my brother's house midmorning, which is when we usually open gifts. It was a new experience this year. I got a set of beautiful sterling silver earrings from my aunt and uncle and $25 from my grandparents since my granny can't leave the house for long due to my pawpaw's bad health. I'm starting to wonder how many more Christmases we'll have with him...

I got reindeer pajama pants for Christmas pajamas- that was what usually happened when my mom was a kid. Her and her brothers got to open 1 gift Christmas Eve- their Christmas pajamas. I wore a MCR shirt with them since their background was black lol.

Hey everyone!

Oh, does anyone get gifts from Mrs. Claus? Just wondering because I usually get my movies and video games from her. She rocks.

Guess what? IT'S ONLY TWO DAYS TILL CHRISTMAS! Then 6 days later, I watch fireworks, celebrating the start of the New Year! I've wrapped presents for everyone I'm giving gifts to. I exchanged gifts with my best friend and got the 10th Anniversary shirt from her!

I'll go ahead and tell you what I'll be doing with my family. Tomorrow on Christmas Eve, we will be celebrating Christmas with my grandparents on my dad's side with a lovely Christmas ham and lots of sweet, Christmas goodies. Then we go home to sleep to wait to see what Santa brought me!

And on the issue of his existence- I believe in him! To those who don't- to each their own opinion. Even if his "handwriting" is in my dad's style- blockish. And Mrs. Claus's writing is my mom's style.

Hey everyone,

I got a new tablet last night! It's called the Toshiba Thrive. I love it and its keyboard! I can type much easier than I can on my iPod Touch! I wasn't positive I'd like it, but I love it! There are several free apps on the Android market that are on my Touch, so I got them last night! I am in love with it now and will take it everywhere!

Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukkah and Happy Holidays,

-Siren of Destruction

Hey everyone!

Here's what's happened the past month. Here's a run down of what happened.

As I said in my last blog, I went to Canyon Lake again. It felt much better than this past summer weather wise. I forgot half my stuff to do like my iPod(I use it for an alarm when I'm not at my house), my mouthwash, phone, debit card O.o, house keys, pen for writing in the journal I DID remember, my book that I was going to read. It was all in my purse. My mom asked if I had my meds and I shook my clothing bag so she would hear the pills but didn't notice my purse wasn't in there!
I cried the first hour of the trip, but calmed down enough before we stopped for dinner. The days were chilly enough for a jacket, so when we went out, I wore my MCR jacket! It also rained overnight and some in the morning, so I got to see it rain there for the first time in years! Every time since I was about twelve, it has never rained while I was visiting. It felt so nice being outside.

Hey,

I just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving- for those who celebrate it. I ate with my family on Sunday at my grandparents' with the exception of my brother and his wife who so wonderfully decided to go to Universal and Disneyland in Florida for Thanksgiving. So it's just me and my 'rents today.

In other news, I get to go to the lake tomorrow for another weekend! And this time, it's going to be a little chilly! It's the first time I've gone more than once in the same year! I'm going to spend a little more time outside this time since it won't be so hot. It was still basically in the 90s last month!

Eat lots of turkey, yams/sweet potatoes, cranberry sauce, stuffing, rolls, and try not to get killed if you go Black Friday shopping,

-Siren of Destruction