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something no one would mind

okay, so im in the idiotic mood today..i was like "hi, im stupid. can you kill me?" to anyone who came near me when im in my school for a club meeting.my lil brother really noticed that im weirder than usual 'cause i bought him his favorite shake when i got home.then i locked myself in my room and sat,staring at the white ceiling.i dont know,i really want to sleep but my mind was so fucking messed up i can't even close my eyes for a moment.i freaked out so i went towards the kitchen and made myself a pitcher of iced tea,adding more ice and drank it all up.i made another and emptied only half of it..haha,that made me go in and out of the bathroom..then earlier,my mom went screaming at me because i wont shut down the computer though there's a very annoying thunderstorm here.goddamnit,im so out of my mind.haha,oh well,there's nothing interesting in here really.i think i've wasted the time of someone who will actually read this.

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it's iMCRd!

wooth! it's international my chemical romance day!! wee..i feel so happy today..got my earphones stuck in my ears for the whole day.of course,im listening to my chem! haha..this is so awesome for me.. >.<

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i'm not!!

this is really stupid.. why does my mom keep on directing my life as if i dont have my own goddamn mind.. we fight a lot..like anything i do is wrong for her. im not perfect!! i hate it when she compares me with her..how come i get the scoldings and they get something good..goddamnit! i want to go away..

o_O im not that fuck,mama!

argh,im swallowed in my anger again..

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im a what??

I was forced to see a psychiatrist.so I did and talked to them..i just sat and told them what im feeling,who i am to myself,answer crappy questions like "do feel that you have a place in this world?" or "why are you acting like that?"

at the end of everything,the Psychiatrist said that i have BIPOLAR DISORDER, and i have been suffering it(so that explains everything about me)..it's some kind of abnormal mood swings and depressions..i've searched it and learned every symptom and they all just fit perfectly to me!! o_O i don't know what'll i do now..

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insomniac..

.i cant sleep the whole night so i went outside and waited for the morning...then the sun's coming out and i took a picture of it...

.its so fucking peaceful and quiet that i started to think about things..
the sun,the sky,another day..a fresh wave of pain and misery is welcoming me...
the air,the wind..its pushing me to loneliness..
the birds, flying and singing..happy tunes of their love..
and then there was 'me',soaked from every emotion i have..

the next thing i want to happen is for death to arrive and to take me out of everything..somewhere where i wont be feeling bad...

(o.O) im such a fucking emo.. (o.O)

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.nothing to do..

..i found this rose..it's so beautiful..

..its kind of dying..
..i wish im the one dying..(o_O)

..help me..

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ph0tographic freaK!

.i like photography..it gave me a way to express myself without screaming it..haha..right now,i got so focused and it made me into a photographic freak..(o_O)..these are some of the (unprofessional) photos that i took..i wish they look better than this..(O_o)..