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All These Depressing Memories Are Coming Back

I know before I made a blog about my father. Before I begin at explain what happened to me Friday and what had me so depressed I must first tell you a little about my father. He was(not sure if he still is) a druggie. He did cocaine, and it messed him up. It's like all he cared about was the drugs. It consumed every aspect of his life. Sometimes I think that if he had to choose between the drugs and his children, he'd choose the drugs. One day when I was in about the third grade ( about 8 yrs old) I saw my dad abuse my mom. He choked her in front of us and he began to lift her off the floor.

All These Depressing Memories Are Coming Back

I know before I made a blog about my father. Before I begin at explain what happened to me Friday and what had me so depressed I must first tell you a little about my father. He was(not sure if he still is) a druggie. He did cocaine, and it messed him up. It's like all he cared about was the drugs. It consumed every aspect of his life. Sometimes I think that if he had to choose between the drugs and his children, he'd choose the drugs. One day when I was in about the third grade ( about 8 yrs old) I saw my dad abuse my mom. He choked her in front of us and he began to lift her off the floor.

My Love For The MCRmy

I just wanted to post a blog about how much I love you guys. I think MCR for completing my life and for allowing me to meet such great people like you guys. Whenever I have something to say I know I can come here for advice and to just let my feelings out. It helps me a lot to get feedback from you guys and I thank you. I love you guys so much and this is more than any ol' community. This is FAMILY, and family mean no one gets left behind. I am a depressed person sometimes and it's great that I have somewhere to go to.

My Happiness!!! Can't Control My Feels Right Now

So today me and my crush skipped third period together and we were just hanging out in the stairway. So we were just talking and laughing and having a good ole time. Then the bell rang and we were going to fourth period. I asked him to walk with me to class, and he says ok and holds my hand. I almost died. My friend saw us holding hands and decided to ask questions. So I told her that I do like him but I'm not sure what me and my crush are doing. So then she decides to ask him questions.

My Thought On This Whole Mikey Problem

It's just that, mikey's problem. Whatever happens is between him and his wife and their family. If they want to become public about things then they can. But right now i think they want to keep whatever's happening private and we should respect that. This must be really personal and i'm pretty sure he wouldn't want their fans talking about this and spreading rumors or just making this a big thing. People mess up but MCR is still the same band that saved my life. I wish Mikey the best and hope he can get through this the right way.

It Doesn't Matter What I Do...

This fucking depression won't go away. No matter how busy i am, no matter how much i try to keep myself occupied with other things it's just not going away. I'm a junior in high school. I take two AP classes, and i'm a great student. I do my homework, i have a social life. I stay after school almost everyday for two different clubs and tutoring, and guitar lessons from my music teacher. I work on saturdays and my only day off is sunday. I'm as busy as i have ever been right now. But it doesn't matter. In that moment before i go to sleep, everything i try to forget comes back at full blast.

I Need Guy Friends

I don't really talk to guys that much, i probably have a handful of guy friends not in high school. I can't talk to a guy and just be friends with him without him liking me ( happened once) or me liking him (a bunch of times). I found a guy i talk to a lot now (and i kinda like him)but i like talking to guys. There's just something there that isn't there with girls. I like the way it makes me feel, it feels a little more real and fun and serious. I mean it's fun and serious with my girl friends but with a guy it's on a whole other level.

AP Physics C

I wanted to challenge myself with AP classes to show myself that i can do it. But AP Physics C is the hardest thing i have ever come across. My grades in this class is dropping i need to pick it up. i used to have a 89 in the class now i might have a 70. i hate low grades i've always had a 90+ average and i want to keep it that way. sigh i don't know what i'm going to do. i got to tutoring and i understand the worksheets but the test grades are dropping and i'm not sure why. i thought i understood but i guess i don't.

Have You Ever...

Cried so much that it hurt and you couldn't stop so you begged yourself to stop crying but it failed. Yep that was me a few minutes ago. i try to be strong but i just broke down. i've been hiding my feelings but i just can't anymore. i've never cried so much in my life. i just lost hope to finding happiness. i know the last few of my blogs were about love and i'm sick of feeling this way and i'm sure you may be sick of hearing me say it but i've never experienced this feeling. i just want to but i'm just not compatible with people i like.

Depressed

I've been so depressed lately. i just don't feel like trying anymore. i just want to give up sometimes. i'm just so unhappy. i try so hard everyday to put a smile on my face and try to do things that might make me happy but i'm not. i'm so bitterly unhappy. i'm so depressed, so worthless. i'm not sure why i care so much anyway. i've been slipping a lot. i used to be such a great student now i'm about to get my first 70 i just gave up on who i used to be. i don't care about school anymore and i have the urge to just get into trouble.

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