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i guess i'm going to get help

i met a social worker who suggested that i get counseling. so tomorrow i have to call her again so she can suggest places for me to go to. i really don't want my mom to know that i'm going to counseling but it turns out that she has to be there to give her consent for this. ugh, i don't want her to ask me questions because i'm not ready to answer them, but hopefully i can get help and hopefully it works out. i'm a little scared still. but i know i can't keep running from myself forever. i have to face my demons one day.

today i felt so stressed

i work with the Relationship Abuse Prevention Program(RAPP) and part of my job is to go out and for one hour me and four other people in my group are supposed to give a presentation to other teens about these issues we've been talking about this whole summer. i gave presentations before and i have educated my peers about a few of these topics but this time the group is really stressed out. and when we had a run through in front of the other people we work with they were a really tough crowd and were really difficult. they asked questions that were unrealistic and just made it harder on us.

I'm a Bad Boy :)

Cross everything you've done and put your result as the title

[] smoked
[X] consumed alcohol
[X] slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex
[] slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex
[] kissed someone of the same sex
[X ] had sex
[] had someone in your room other than family
[ X] watched porn
[ ] bought porn
[] tried drugs

TOTAL SO FAR: 3

[X] taken painkillers
[ ] taken someone else's prescription medicine
[X] lied to your parents
[X] lied to a friend
[ ] snuck out of the house
[] done something illegal
[X] felt hurt
[X] hurt someone
[X] wished someone to die
[ ] seen

today was not a good day

so i work with the relationship abuse prevention program. we learn about all different types of abuse and try to find ways to help end it and spread support and positive energy. so we talked with some disabled people today and they were really great and they were hilarious and kept making jokes but they were also serious and it was cool. then they left and we had lunch and our next speaker was talking about the LGBTQ community and the struggles we go through.

i'm not feeling so happy anymore

[Post edited: Please refrain from posting about self harm as it is against the rules you agreed to when you signed up for the website and is distressing for others. The band wouldn't want you to hurt yourself, so please try to concentrate on their message and music.]

3. No self harm posts
If you are feeling like you may harm yourself please contact someone who can help.

Call 1-800-273-8255 or visit suicidepreventionlifeline.org or twloha.com/find-help. You can also contact The Trevor Project at thetrevorproject.org or by calling their Lifeline at 866-488-7386.

i'm so proud of myself

so this past school year i took two ap classes: ap physics c and bc calculus. yesterday i got my ap scores fro the ap test and guess what!!!! I GOT A 5 FOR BOTH OF THEM!!!!!!!!!!!! a 5 is the highest you can get and it means college credits and college money, oh yeah. high 5 me bro xD. i'm so happy, and next year i'm taking three ap classes wish me luck. my family is happy and i'm happy. my teacher for ap physics said if i got a 5 then he would pay for dinner for me and my boyfriend and i'm ready to eat, let's goooooooo.

on another note: i start to work on monday, i know i'm going to have a

My Friend's Birthday!!!!!!!!!! :)

my friend's birthday is today. her name is Jennifer. she turned 16!!!!!! i took her to the local cafe at our school and i bought her a belgian waffle with powdered sugar chocolate syrup and Nutella. trust you guys it is REALLY good. she loved it. oh and i bought her hot chocolate, chocolate overdose xD. yeah so it was me, Jennifer, Julie, my bf Raul, and Jayna there in the cafe having a good ole time.

I'm in some deep doo doo

yesterday i was really depressed so i decided to skip class with my boyfriend. i had u.s. history and he had gym, but we decided to skip anyway. i was depressed and not thinking clearly and i just wanted him by my side. later that day i remember i had a u.s. final that day and it was an essay, FUCK ME!!!! and monday is the last day and i'm not sure if i should go in there with some bullshit excuse and take it. i'm really thinking on just saying fuck it and not show up to class anymore even after the regents are over.

Day Of Silence

EVERYONE PLEASE READ THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Day of Silence is a student led anti-bullying movement. We protest bullying by staying silent the whole school day to emphasize the silence faced by those who are victims of bullying. I think also that being silent for a whole day helps you comprehend what it's like to hide a huge part of yourself. This years national day of silence was April 19. But at my school we're doing our own Day of Silence on June 5. I just wanted to inform everyone about this so that they can maybe start this event and their school.

well today was a bummer

today was my boyfriends birthday and i planned on taking him to the park for a nice relaxing picnic and what happens? IT FUCKING RAINS! it ruined everything. he didn't want to go to the park because everything was wet and my plans got canceled. i really wanted to do something special today. and i hate when i can't do things when i planned to do them. ugh well i'm surprising him on saturday so that should be fun. still pissed though.

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