My grandma has always been evil. She used to beat my dad and shove his own crap down his throat. She's calmed down the past 30 years but her words still hurt. A few days ago I told her I loved her and to be careful when she was leaving. She replied "I'd love you more if you were skinny". As some of you know I've been really insecure about my weight. That comment really crushed me. :,( Yesterday she was talking to my sister in the other room. The walls are thin and I can hear every word. My sister's a little chubby but not like me.
Okay so here it is. I haven't drank ANY sodas for a week and I've been drinking a lot more water. Guess what? I GAINED ALL MY FREAKING WEIGHT BACK!!! WTH?!?! I try and try and everything ALWAYS falls apart. So I give up! I'm fat and I don't care. I'm tired and if I drop dead of a heart attack don't be surprised.
Lost 1 pound. Haha not a lot but I don't care. As long as I keep losing and stop gaining I'm okay. Yesterday I didn't drink a coke at all! Yay! However, I crave one now! >.< My dad bought 3 12-packs and its getting really hard to resist. Must drink...more water, more water, more water...
So I have lost 4 pounds in the last 2 days! Yay! And I didn't starve myself. I promise. :) I drank 1 coke yesterday. Which is huge for me. Usually I drink like 3 or 4 cokes in a day. I've been drinking more water too. Today I weighed myself. I'm 208.
Okay so I am really sick and tired of looking at myself in the mirror and being disgusted with myself. So I figured if I tell someone about it I may finally stick to it this time.
I'm addicted to food and sodas. I've tried over and over and over again to go on a diet but it doesn't help when my entire family is overweight. So tonight I'm finally going to keep a record of my so called diet. I weigh 212 pounds. I gained 12 pounds in the last 2 weeks and I feel awful. I'm tired and weak all the time. My feet hurt from those extra pounds.
For Ieroween I'm going to be a werewolf! I finally got my braces off after 4 years and really want fangs. Here's a sketch I did as a reference. I'm so excited!