*grins* Okay so i don't deal with stress well. Anyone who actually knows me - and i mean really knows me - knows that despite my calm facade, i'm like the worst person when it comes to dealing with stress. Lately ive been super stressed out about important shit like money and paying for college and getting student loans and starting school again soon. So, getting along with my story, earlier i was really anxious and stressed out and just could not calm down.
Like the title says, i'm feeling really down and i just need to snap the fuck out of it. Its just utter stupid, selfish nonsense! That's all it is. I wish i knew how to line myself out so i could quit being such a selfish little bitch...depression is selfish and i have no reason to be depressed anyways. Its not like i've had a bad life, i've had everything given to me. So yeah, time to blast some music and belittle myself until i either snap the fuck out of this nonsense or just go the easy way and shut off my emotions for the day because feeling nothing is better than feeling everything.
Okay, fine, i get it. You people don't really care all that much, and i'm an outcast among outcasts. Guess i shoulda known, huh? Should've known that i'd come here and put out blog after blog wanting either help or a friend and get nothing most of the time. So i won't bother you guys anymore. I won't. I'll just go back to youtube and listen to music and pretend this stint on this site never happened. Thanks for getting my hopes up...guess i didn't try enough to get involved...didn't repost enough quizzes or comment on enough blogs...so yeah, bye. Thanks for not being there when i needed you.
Ugh. Feeling pretty low. I continually mess everything up for myself time and time again and its getting to me. Damnit...i dont know. I'm starting to hate trying cause i always just mess everything up for myself...but at the same time, what other choice do i have? Giving up isn't an option...I dont need any more a reminder of that than my best friend, Tokio Hotel's "Spring nicht/Don't jump", my pages of Mcr quotes, and my family. But that still doesn't change the fact everything's a mess and I'm a failure at life.
Yeah so i decided that because thinking about college this fall and how am i gonna pay for it stresses me out beyond my ability to handle it, that it would simply put off thinking about it. So now payments are due in like a week and i am no closer to getting a job, still have no idea how to get student loans, and oh did i mention that i will not be getting financial aid this semester cause i failed last semester so badly? Yeah. I'm currently ignoring the horrible all consuming chest compressing anxiousness with music and an email from my bestie that just popped into my inbox.
Hi everyone! Yesterday wasn't all that great of a day. Morelike the past few days havent been. I was tired, had no energy, didnt wanna do anything sides sleep, but i tried anyways and got some stuff done and helped my sister on her new favorite game Kingdom Hearts, didn't hole myself up in my room letting it get to me. Today i'm in a lot better of a mood though. =) I dunno how or why. Maybe all that listening to Tokio Hotel and BVB lol. And getting to talk to a friend i havent talked to in a while last night.
Hey has anyone here heard "Don't Jump" by tokio hotel? I just now got into the band and saw the song on the side while listening to other songs by them and i listened to it and i love it! Its a new favorite. It ranks near Famous Last Words even - not *with* FLW because no song can be equal to or beat out the song that saved my life back a few years ago. Maybe i'm misinterpreting it, who knows. Eitherways, figured i'd share that. It was one of those 'omg i have to tell so and so about this' moments but i have no friends available right now so yeah im here.
Hi again everyone! Been off for a few days, not that you missed me i'm sure, but ah well. I've been into BVB and Tokio Hotel lately, which is nice cause obsessing over bands erases the complete and utter boredome that summer has become. =( I've been....is lethargic the right word? I think so. Lethargic and down for no real reason lately, too, so band obsessions are welcome.
Hi everyone! How's everyone's afternoon's going? well, for me its afternoon, i don't know about you, maybe its morning or evening for you. Anyways, i've had a fairly good day so far. Had some delicious double chocolate muffins for breakfast and spent the entire morning cleaning the upstairs -cleaning up the mess my sister's made of it this past week, dusting, vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom - and now that lunch is over i'm fixing to move onto the first floor. Joy. It will literally be three pm before i do anything remotely resembling free time. 0_o Ah well.
Yes i'm posting just to say i'm bored. Haven't been on here in a while. A long while. As i speak, i'm listening to a forever favorite, famous last words, which i havent listened to in a long time so i'm grinning for no apparent reason while listening to it. Anyways, anyone wanna be bored with me? Like message me or hang out on runescape or something? OH and in other news, i've actually succeeded in quitting cutting. Doesn't mean i'm happy, it just means that things really do get better. Not instantly, though, no matter how much i wish it were so.