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I Don't want to fall in love

My heart is evil.
"I told you already! haven't you learned you lesson??"

I love him. so much...
I wish I didn't
He has his girl,She's pretty,skinny...
She's normal and two years younger then him.
I'm weird and I'm a year older then him.
so it makes sense.
I should have told him before when I met him, but I kept my mouth shut.

I know how it always ends up,
Recently I've been texting him, but he seems hostel. Angry.
So I give up. I won't have you in my heart anymore.
I don't ever want to feel heartbroken.

I'll be a nun. Fuck love I don't believe in it.

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I've been watching my childhood

So I''ve been watching Sailor Moon....

I'm too old to be watching stuff like this..

Anyway I would sneak in to the living room in the middle of the night to watch this anime on Adult Swim.. Ahh the good old days
I'm so embarrassed

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Today

Please don't read this if your sensitive. I'm upset right now I needed to let out my pent up feelings. So I won't do anything stupid... I'm sorry

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Song for tonight

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i love this song

I know people get tired of me. How annoying and hopelessly naive and stupid I am….
I’m so clueless. “Get the fucking hint dumb-ass, Just shut the fuck up no one cares.”
I can hear it. I can hear it play in my head.
“Your a cool person and all but…..” He was sparing my feelings. but I could tell he was annoyed. I didn't even hear the last part because I knew it was going to run me over…
“Why do you always come in here??” she says…
because I want to be friends with you, because I want to talk, because you both seem so smart….
“Because I like it in here…” I say smiling, but all I want to do is cry.
It felt like school again. I hate that.
I want to be with the fun popular kids but I can’t. No matter how happy I try to be I’ll never be one of you…
I’m the fucking stupid kid from high school, that was in special ed because I stutter when I’m nervous…
I went back to my department….I put on my gloves and started cleaning the dirty scraped trim.
Again…you…fucked up again…

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My Turn....

1)A song you like with a color in the title

Red - The GazettE

2)A song you like with a number in the title

Zero - Plastic Tree

3)A song that reminds you of summertime

Summer Drive - An Cafe

4)A song that reminds you of someone you would rather forget about

The Only Exception - Paramore

5)A song that needs to be played LOUD

Boy Division - My Chemical Romance

6)A song that makes you want to dance

Planetary (GO!) - My Chemical Romance

7)A song to drive to
Nemureru Mori - Plastic Tree

8)A song about drugs or alcohol
idk

9)A song that makes you happy... Eh??

10)A song that makes you sad

Balloon - Plastic Tree

11)A song that you never get tired of

The Light Behind Your Eyes - My Chemical Romance

12)A song from your pre-teen years

Helena - My Chemical Romance

Crawling - Linkin Park

Cassis - The GazettE

13) Song that you are listening to right now

Kalafina - Oblivious

14)Song/s that you play everydayy

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My turn

1) A song you like with a color in the title:

Bury Me In Black-My Chemical Romance

2) A song you like with a number in the title:

ゼロ - プラスティック トゥリ (Zero - Plastic Tree)

3) A song that reminds you of summertime:

Summer Drive - アンティック-珈琲店- ( Summer Drive - An Cafe)

4) A song that reminds you of someone you would rather forget about:

Casis - The GazettE

5) A song that needs to be played loud:

BOY DIVISION!!!!!!

6) A song that makes you want to dance:

Boy Division- My Chemical Romance

7) A song to drive to:

眠れる森 - Plastic Tree

8) A song about drugs or alcohol:

I'm not sure about this one...

9) A song that makes you happy:

Dead - My Chemical Romance

10 )A song that makes you sad:

Balloon - プラスティック トゥリ (Plastic Tree)

11) A song that you never get tired of:

The Light Behind Your Eyes-My Chemical Romance

12) A song from your pre-teen years:

Helena - My Chemical Romance
Taion - The GazettE

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My turn

1) A song you like with a color in the title:

Bury Me In Black-My Chemical Romance

2) A song you like with a number in the title:

ゼロ - プラスティック トゥリ (Zero - Plastic Tree)

3) A song that reminds you of summertime:

Summer Drive - アンティック-珈琲店- ( Summer Drive - An Cafe)

4) A song that reminds you of someone you would rather forget about:

Casis - The GazettE

5) A song that needs to be played loud:

BOY DIVISION!!!!!!

6) A song that makes you want to dance:

Boy Division- My Chemical Romance

7) A song to drive to:

眠れる森 - Plastic Tree

8) A song about drugs or alcohol:

I'm not sure about this one...

9) A song that makes you happy:

Dead - My Chemical Romance

10 )A song that makes you sad:

Balloon - プラスティック トゥリ (Plastic Tree)

11) A song that you never get tired of:

The Light Behind Your Eyes-My Chemical Romance

12) A song from your pre-teen years:

Helena - My Chemical Romance
Taion - The GazettE

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Night after night I am visited by my demons

Night after night, the demons come out to tempt me.
I'm laying in bed, so many useless things running around preventing me form a good nights sleep.
I remember something from years ago. And It plays over and over and over...
It stars to swallow me in something dark
and all I can think about is the red.
God do I dread the night...
It twists my insides and my heart feels heavy. Smoldering hot tears rolling down in to my pillow.
Why can't I sleep with out suffocating in my thoughts.
I haven't dreamed in such a long time.
I want to sleep a deep sleep and dream of all the beautiful things.
but no...I have to see red.

I feel so lonely, so many people I love around me and they love me too.
But I don't want them to love me. .
I'm a really selfish, inconsiderate person.... Don't love God dammit..
Blah...
I'm so angry at myself....disgusted...
ugh...
I'm sorry for this...I can't keep it all locked inside me anymore. I harness all that anger, frustration,sadness...