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Everybody ssshhhh with your theories about what's happening to the site, you're making me too excited.
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LeATHERMOUTH

It is the work of a dark god.
That god's name is Frank Iero.
Thank you Frank. I love you but you terrify me sometimes.

Letter to my dad

Dad
I appreciate that you would like me to spend time with you, and that you are proud of me. I get that. I think considering what a bastard you are, it's nice that you haven't abandoned me at all.
The problem is that you seem to hate everything I do that isn't a direct copy of what you do. Just because I'm not a soppy huggy kissy person like you - I don't want to go round telling everyone I love them all the time, that's not what I do. Less is more. It's incredibly unfair that you called me cold and antisocial just because I'm not bubbly and the stereotypical sexist 'caregiver' type of girl.

She needs to just leave me alone.

As may be noticeable by my past blogs, my mum is seriously pissing me off at the moment. I'm on study leave right now, so I'm at home more than usual, and of course to her this means I'm basically one big distraction, as if I'm sat there asking her stupid questions all day instead of sitting quietly in my room or actually not even being in the house.
Her new thing is simultaneously moaning at me all day over every little thing, while telling me she hates moaning.

The MCRmy

I think it's not fair that there's all this alienation of 'new' fans going on. Saying that someone doesn't like the band as much because they weren't there from the start isn't fair, and blatantly isn't true. I started listening to Muse before one of my friends, but she likes them much more than I do. My nana reads Pride And Prejudice about seven times a year, and is all over everything to do with it, but does she not like the book as much as people who read it before her?

I am living in 1984

As in the book. Who I can talk to and how often is controlled, I have to clean up after my mum constantly even though she blames everything on me, if I speak out, even in an articulate way, she will hold my stuff hostage, and the same goes for if my room looks like I actually use it. Her room is incredibly messy, even though it's me she makes clean it and she doesnt even spend time in her room.
For leaving some stuff out in my room she has taken all my drawing stuff so I have basically had my freedom removed.

I feel hollow

I tried explaining this before but it didn't really make sense.
I laugh when things are funny, and smile and everything, but on the inside, I don't really feel anything. Plus, lately, I've had these two sudden crashes into this sort of mental pit of darkness, right out of nowhere.
The other day I was talking to M, and then I just had this . .. . I don't even know.

Poems

I usually hate poetry because I don't like things that don't immediately make sense. On the whole, I still don't, apart from Come On, Come Back by Stevie Smith. However, I have somehow ended up writing a few short ones, that were mostly just me rambling about how I can't write songs because I write complete nonsense when it's not prose. I thought I'd show you them, though. None of them have names.

You touch me but I do not feel
Is any of this entirely real?
Am I excluded from real life
Or when others talk of feelings
Is it all a lie?

**

I will smile at you
And tell you my deepest secrets

The shitty times

It's kind of all better now, but I've been having a terrible few days.
The other day I was just kind of down for no real reason, and then I managed to convince myself yet again that I'm talentless, worthless, annoying and a general waste of space.
Cheered up from that, and had an alright day the day after.
Then yesterday, I got into an argument with two of my closest friends. It was because one of them, P, claimed that women shouldn't be trusted with high-paying jobs because of periods and pregnancy and stuff, saying that we're basically too unreliable, and then R joined in.

Worried About My Health

Every now and then I get worried about my health. I'm skinny - that seems to be one of those things everyone knows about me - and I'm happy with that. This isn't necessarily a body image thing, I just . . . I don't think I'm healthy.
Height: 5 foot 11.5/ 1 metre 80 cm
Weight: 8 stone / 50.8 kg
This seems to be my natural weight and body shape, so I'm pretty happy with it, but sometimes it worries me because I just . . . sometimes I don't look healthy.
I eat a lot - I have a terrible diet, I've eaten almost all chocolate foods today. I don't have bulimia or anorexia, never have done either.

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