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maybe i'll dig out my rubber bands...

and i actually don't think my parents did it. i think the lecture on my grades (my lowest grade is a B. are you kidding me?!) just upset me a little and it was kind of the straw that broke the camel's back. i think i'm depressed again, except this time i can tell. but don't worry, friends, i'm finally afraid to die. i've gotten rid of my agnosticism. atheism has simultaneously saved and ruined my life. fuck, i feel like i'm insane. happy new year, and what a year it's going to be.

read this if you are religious, please

alright, i was born and raised a catholic, but have been switching between an atheist and an agnostic for the past few months and i've been really thinking about things lately, so i would really appreciate it if some people here could help me out. this place seems pretty safe for me, and i put my full trust in you guys. now please don't take this question the wrong way but someone once told me that people often like to believe in a higher power. so...why? if you personally believe in a higher power of some sort, could you tell me why?

Killjoys of St. Louis woot woot!

concert tonight, who's going?! :D

what would happen?

sometimes i wonder what would happen if i just went to the guidance office and told the truth? that i have had suicidal thoughts. that i haven't straight out told my mom i love her in probably at least a year or two. that i actually really hate my little brother. that i hate crying and keep everything in because i don't like it when people worry about me. that i'm nearly positive i have dermatillomania. that i'm still talking to that boy they forbade me to talk to because of the "negative effect" he has on me with his cutting even though i have saved his life multiple times.

my killjoy logo

well, I made this picture to go along with my Killjoy name (I'm Arsenic Angel, Gravity-X is my friend. I made her one, too), so idk what to call it besides a logo lol. I made it with this: http://muro.deviantart.com/ if you were wondering. go try it it's lots of fun and some of you could probably make some pretty cool stuff with it, compared to me and my, uh, talent...if that's what you want to call it hahaha :)

...damn.

sooooo, I just found out that I probably have Dermatillomania, which is compulsive skin picking. I didn't know there was a name for it, but I've been doing it for years. It's categorized in the group with pathological gambling, kleptomania, and pyromania. So...yeah, I'm just not going to be telling my parents this because I'd rather not be a ritalin rat of some sort and deal with it quietly, instead. I just don't like that it has a name. It makes it sound so serious, but according to what I read I have it exactly. Damn.

I'm...pretty

Okay, that sounds really bad, but I'm not that superficial or that cocky, I promise. Hear me out. So I've never thought of myself as pretty, or ugly really, I didn't really think about it (probably because I was afraid of what I'd decide on if I did), which is pretty impressive for a whole 15 years of life.Anyway, so finally the other day I looked in the mirror and I literally had the thought, "wow...I'm...pretty." It was an epiphany for me. I've noticed, though, that when I look at how physically pretty other people are, I often don't even look at them physically.

not the best thing to be reading in the middle of math class

such a sad story. but really good. i recommend reading it only if you are in a place that it is acceptable to cry, or if sad, touching things don't make you cry. save it for later if you must, though, because it's really inspirational.

Horrible people, aren't they? I mean some support would be nice...

so...the other day i started a new theology class and the teacher went around the room and asked us to tell him something that could define us from the rest of the class. this was easy for me because i am an atheist going to a catholic school (don't tell my parents! :P). Now I'm open about it but it's not like I walk around with ATHEIST written across my forehead lol. and at this point no one was really listening, everyone was having their own conversations. so this is kinda how thee conversation went:
Teacher: "Kathleen?"
Me: "Oh, I go by Katie"
Teacher: "Alright, and what is interesting

In 2012 there were some sort of huge fires. Possibly a part of the Helium Wars (the reason for this war is unknown), which reduced the United States to a destitute land, and California to nothing but Battery City and what they call "zones", which are wild desert areas. Zones are more wild in both terrain and weather conditions as the numbers go up, getting further away from Battery City. The zones around Battery City are numbered 1-6, zone 1 being the closest and zone 6 being the furthest from the city.

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