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I hate everyone.

Including myself. Holy fuck.

Am I a monster?

I've been having trouble lately with self esteem. Most girls my age would then go on to say that their thighs are fat and they have huge love handles and they need to lose at least 30 pounds this summer and that they worry their feet look weird in flip flops and blah, blah, blah (I've been hearing this stuff for days). But I have a different kind of problem, believe it or not. For my entire teenage life I have had many nicknames: Satan, antichrist, monster, beast, the evil twin to this other girl's good twin, vampire, werewolf. They were all good natured, and by friends and family.

hellooooooo!

hm...I'm happy today. And I feel like writing something. So...hello! How is your today going? Um...oh! I got my first kiss last night :) Not sure I wanted it, but...anyway, I'm 16. Is that a weird, late age to get a first kiss? idk, I feel like it is but at the same time I don't care...so...comment! I'm bored! Or don't, I guess, if you don't want to... :)

Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day

I need help you guys, just a comment of support if you can, please. Today sucks. A lot. I mean yesterday was weird (I had to walk to church for a mass even though I'm an atheist, I got a tan T-T, and I had a big fight with this guy I started talking to and am really starting to like despite the warnings from my best friend who has a better chance of knowing him anyway but we made up so I don't know...) but today literally was one of the worst days of my life. I spent a part of my English class trying to see if I could claw my brain out with my fingernails.

Unification

This song, above all else, makes me feel like I'm not alone. No matter where I am or what I'm doing it makes me feel surrounded by the MCRmy like nothing else, even if the only people around are my preppy schoolmates. It makes me want to act like I'm in a mosh pit when I'm sitting alone with my earbuds in. It really isn't one of my favorite songs to go and listen to specifically, and it isn't one of my go-to songs when I'm depressed or pissed or anything. But this song above all else makes me feel...unified. I love it <3

btw...

the transmitter isn't working and the Killjoy characters are tweeting and Ray is tweeting cryptically and I'm pretty sure there will be a video soon...speculations that it will be Bulletproof Heart. I hope it is! What do you hope is happening?

My Mother

You know, I haven't always had the best relationship with my mom. There aren't a whole lot of outbursts, but I can barely keep myself from screaming sometimes. I hold a lot in. Anyway, MCR has created yet another miracle. Now they are not only responsible for my being alive (yes, Frank says we don't give ourselves enough credit, but they don't give themselves enough, either), but now for a healthy relationship with my mom and quite possibly the fact that I still live at home. Yes, we bonded over My Chemical Romance.

Shitty Haiku

surrounded by all
those fake angel wings and tans
this soulless corpse stands

lol I made it up in the shower, but I wanted to post it somewhere even though it's shitty x] and no those last two lines were not meant to rhyme it just happened that way. I didn't even realize it until I looked back at it a second ago.

Sorry, guys.

I'm not meaning to spam you all here, I'm just really excited about Aiden's newest album, Disguises. I finally got the money to buy it yesterday and I can't believe I've lasted this long without something like this. Imagine this: 16-year-old atheist (whose parents don't know of her lack of religious affiliation) walking down the halls of her all-girl Catholic school, having never had a fashion statement, but a deathwish for as long as she can remember, and not remembering the last time she wasn't confused about something.

Truly this is living.

You know, it's feelings like this that make me sad that I'm an atheist. It's terrible that eventually I will never be able to feel exactly like this ever again. I don't have my life figured out and the world sucks and people suck and shit fucking sucks. But I don't give a fuck. That's how I feel and it makes all my depressions and mistakes and failures worth it, because I get to feel like this sometimes. Truly this is living.

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