iMissYOUsoFAR's blog

They never warned us, they put lies in our heads,
love is love, yet we fuck in our own damn beds,
we're one big disaster, looking for real life happy ever after,
these thorns can cut your skin,
see this war that you're in,
see this mess, you'll never, never, never win...
Well drink to sin!

How wrong we were to think that this would last,
strike the choir, for the star-crossed outcast,
ob baby how you've stabbed me so,
kiss my poison so you know,
how much it hurts, to breathe this air,
poisoned by these things you do,
you'll drink to me, I'll drink to you,
so swear on the moon,
go on and see if I care,
go on and see if I care.

(crying and moaning in background)(Romeo.. save me... Romeo... save me... Romeo... save me now!)

1, 2, 3,
Who's she, that bitch you're hanging around with,
doesn't she know who you went to town with,
no, cuz you're regret's getting stronger,
so I wish her the best with her
harder,
faster,
longer,
play her like you played me,

I haven't really posted on here in a while, have I? When I say problems, don't worry, they aren't too bad, but I just haven't gotten myself to write anything on here. Just...depression. I feel bad, so I'm gonna post a song I wrote on here later today. But I'm going to explain the song right now. Its called "I Drink To Thee" and by the time I post it, I will have written the one I'm writing right now in French class, most likely to be called Stitches or Black Balloon, my goal is to get both of those referenced. Anyways, the one I have done is a work off of Romeo and Juliet, which we read in English. Now, yeah, I read this and thought of about a dozen connections to my life, but the worst one is death. I have had a lot of death in my life. Maybe I should be lucky, it hasn't happened in my immediate family or close friend circle, but it has happened. I have lost 3 cousins, and could lose 2 more, and just yesterday actually, my friend overdosed on her mother's antidepressants.

I have a ton of weird thoughts going on right now. And all of them have to do with dying or death or the military or bullies. All of those. Yup. I know I already posted a blog today about my sister, but now its just like... qewkwlsndbfywiaopwe. So to start, I'm here in World History, just got back from lunch where a table of guys were making sexual and rude comments to me and Mimi. I couldn't walk by them without them saying something and it was so horrible. I just felt like sinking down and turning invisible and dying right where I stood. This has been happening for a couple of weeks now, and it has only been getting worse, especially since their little valentines stupidity. God. Give me the strength. But that's just part of what I'm thinking about today. Above all, I'm thinking about the army/marines/navy/etc. My friend Corrie has been deployed into the Marines several times to help pay for tuition and to support his wife.

Hi everyone :) Happy Tuesday (well... not happy for me but... I'm wishing you all one... ya get it). First of all, I got point blank no fucking sleep. And this morning, I've been feeling pretty damn shitty. But to top it all off, this morning, my sister sent me this new book she's writing about herself. No big deal, this is her 3rd book, and she's a fairly great writer :) So I thought, no big deal, the title is "How I Survived". Alright, so I start reading it, and it says this at the beginning: "If you are just too lazy to read this, you're not really missing out. But, if you just don’t have enough time because of our shitty, daily life, I’ll just give you the basics: to sum things up, my oldest sister (Taylor), my dog (Maisy), My Chemical Romance (my favorite band), and he [he is in italics] kept me alive. Without them, I wouldn't even be here"

Music is seriously my life. Ever since 1st grade when I promised my bus driver that I would be the next American Idol and sat behind her with my best friend singing the only songs we really knew, and we would sometimes even write songs. Granted, they sucked ass. ASS. But we were young. And sillyhearted. That's when I decided I want to be a singer songwriter. And though my goal changed about every 3 months (seriously, fashion designer, model, actress, therapist, author, who the hell knows), somehow singer songwriter always stuck on me. Now I'm here, years later, my bus driver died of a heart attack, I suffer depression of all different shades of shit, and I've been told to my face that I am worthless and I'll never make it. But I want to sing for people. I'm 15 and female, and some days I want a band. A band like....

Hey everyone. I got too lazy to go find a clever MCR lyric title for my shit, so whatever. I don't really think that my rant will even deserve a good lyric title... but none of mine really have lately, yeah? So I'll just begin in my depressive state and let it all out to you people who shouldn't have to sit there and read my hopelessness. *continues crying* It's almost 11 right now, and I won't be sleeping, I can tell you that. I got about 3 hours last night, waking up screaming because the darkness in my mind was too horrible for the horribleness of me. I'm tired of being tired and I couldn't have coffee (I swear, its my savior, that is, when I can have it.) I have been feeling horribly down recently, and today, the one day I didn't think I'd be feeling anything, I have felt paranoid (because, yeah, so its true, my friend wants to join the military...), triggered and hopeless (don't even.... ask), like a failure (grades, grades, parents, grades...) and well... down right pathetic.

I love the fact that the songs Bulletproof Heart and The Only Hope For Me Is You go so well together when you mash them up (sort of like... well you should know what a mash up is). But its super fun hearing how good they work with eachother, and mashing up songs/ making up harmonies on the spot is something I LOVE to do. I can make harmonies for any of My Chem's songs, but sadly, I can't think of any other songs they have that would work well together when mixed. Bulletproof and Only Hope are the only 2 I have, so seriously, if you can think of any, let me know, I love love love experimenting with songs. Anything? They don't have to be from the same album either, nor the same band (if any Paramore, Evanescence, Linkin Park, Panic! at the Disco,.... listen I could be here forever naming other bands but you get the idea, if any work, sure!). Yeah... this was mainly a pointless blog... whatever. School's cancelled, I do what I want :p

Hi my friends :D I know, haven't been blogging in such a long time (sorry xP I've had a lot of shBEEP going on). But, I guess I'm learning now. For starters, my friend and parents found out about my problems, and I find that its extremely ironic that today is self harm awareness day :) I honestly remember last year this same day, and now here, I am doing better, but I'm going to get help. Pinkie Promise. One of the reasons I know this for fact is because Mimi (TO EVERY ENEMY) found out about a lot of shit. Not necessarily a bad thing at all, I was just really....nervous or scared I guess. But I was even more afraid when all of the sudden, BAM, my family knows about my issues now. And so, to keep it blunt, they yelled at me for an hour, took my camera away (I love photography, and so boo), and I'll be seeing my therapist again. Not the umpa lumpa. Ick >.<

I'm gonna die D': okay so, my parents hate My Chemical Romance (you: *faints*, me: i know, excruciating, right?). Therefore, I have 0 posters, 0 t-shirts, 0% chance of ever getting concert tickets, and frankly, 0 real CDs. But my cousin, who is awesome, Jenna, gave me two burned CDs for my birthday which was in September. Usually, I don't go more than a week without putting one of them in at all. On these two, I have all of Black Parade, a couple off of Danger Days, all of Bullets, and most of Three Cheers. And I was listening to Disenchanted, and suddenly, the whole thing goes fucked up! I almost screamed. I am still sort of panicked. And so now I will be spending quite a while, looking for more skipping songs. But gah. What do I do??? :P

Hello everyone, hope you are all having okay days :) I honestly, well, can't sleep again, and here I am at almost midnight, writing a blog entry. Okay :p Yesterday I went to watch Varsity (show choir) perform in Minnesota, and so I sat on a bus for 6 hours in the midst of some just hard PDA, and then tried to sleep and couldn't but what else is new. I got there, and immediately, I felt different. Actually, I started feeling like this with about an hour left of the ride. Anyways, right when I got there I got a cup of coffee. Thank the Lord for coffee. I was walking around drinking this cup of heaven, and I started hallucinating. And I know its not the coffee that does this, because coffee does NOT do anything for me. I saw...forms of myself. Hanging by nooses at the top of staircases. These staircases don't get me wrong, they were just like ones from a nightmare. But I hallucinated a good 20 times at this school alone yesterday. It was awful. Just godawful.