iMissYOUsoFAR's blog

1.Name: Taylor (Tay)
2. Age: 15.5
3. Height: O jesus... 5'5" maybe? 5'4"?
4.Eye Color: blues...
5. Hair Color: dirty blonde
6. Bra size: Um.. 34 A.... why did I answer this? O.o
7. Location: Narnia ;)
8. Car: ...my mom has a mini van if that's what you're asking. I can't drive shit :p
9. Willing to relocate if outside the USA: uh... I'm there already....
10.Do you own a gun? A couple of pretty nice squirt guns, yup ;)
11. Have you ever been arrested? I'm a good kid (jk....I'm not at all, but I haven't been arrested)
12. Do you play video games? Proud to say yes!
13. If Yes what games? Brawl, Mario anything, Ratchet and Clank, Zelda, God Of War, Mii Channel.....
14. Are you OCD? Depends :p
15. Have you ever left the country? Nope
16. If so where have you been? ....wait if I'm in Narnia... nevermind
17. ( if your comfortable answering) Are you a Virgin? From certain points of view, yes :p Lets say yes for the time being, kay?

Heyyyyyyo :3 So Mimi (TO EVERY ENEMY....if you didn't know which in this case is weird because she's on here all the time) and I got really bored this morning and thus did a cover of the beloved song, Dead! :) so if you'd like to, please, and thank you, watch the video because we LOVE YOU!
Oh, and if you have any suggestions for covers for us, let us know!!! :D

Keep Running,
-Panic System

On my New York trip, I spent hours, and I mean hours, talking to a sophomore guy that I barely know about music. Hard rock, to be exact. I've never been much of one to listen to music from the 1960-1990s music, but that was all I was listening to for those calming, really cool hours on a hot, uncomfortable bus ride on which I got no sleep and cried at least 3 times. Aerosmith, Creed, The Beatles, The Guess Who, The Who, The Eagles, Pink Floyd, Queen, Joan Jett, AC/DC, Elvis, and dear God that's not even a fraction. In a nut shell, our music on the radio today (except for those really AMAZING rare times I hear Sing on the radio, like in New York) sucks. Just plain...

Hey everyone, back from NEW YORK! :D It was in a nutshell, INCREDIBLE. So worth a 21 hour drive! The whole ride I was either tattooing, playing 20 questions, or trying to sleep but instead failing, crying, banging my head to loud music, or hallucinating. Always a fun time. Anyways, when I got there, we immediately went to the 9/11 Memorial, and I experienced some really incredible emotional that I've never felt before. It feels like the whole world is on your shoulders and its not like its heavy its just... it drains you and fills you up instead with the emotion from the day. I cried a little. But after that, we went to Battery Park, and got on a boat, and saw the first picture there, the Statue of Liberty (that's my own picture by the way, it looks so cool), and I couldn't keep my balance but it was so... nice on this boat, well, except that I'm terrified of boats, so I've come to notice. But you know, by this time, I was realizing how AMAZING it would be to live there... so amazing.

I'm going to die. DEAR LORD. I'm EXCITED, NERVOUS, HORRIFIED, CONFUSED, and REALLY FUCKING TIRED (sorry for caps locking yo ass :p haha....sorry). But dude.... I mean, I'm going to have a fucking BLAST in New York, I just... I know I'm going to get SQUAT for sleep (especially on the bus, I can literally see myself now in fetal sobbing like a baby as quietly as I can so I don't disturb my comrads in musical action. I'm just nervous about everything, I live in a small fucktarded town and my life has gone to shit here, so now take that, and subtract population of about 60,000 farmers and what-nots, and throw in my first big city, and what do you get? Me. Freaking the fuck out.
Like I am ALREADY.
....GAH my hands are shaking wildly and I'm typing really fucking fast. But on that note.... Ellis Island, Manhattan, the Today Show, Lion King, Once, muggers, bad prices and methane skies... look out.
I'm coming to plague you with my fucked-up-ness.
.....2 hours and 8 minutes.... o god.

"I'm Gonna Show My Scars......." God dammit this video. I'm crying, not because of anything really, but because I just need to cry. This video started those tears. Welcome to the Black Parade... I don't know what it is about it. Its like my anthem right now, it makes me miss those guys so much it stings, that they made my problems into sense, they made my most horrible thoughts artwork, and I'm thinking right now its just starting to sink in completely that they're done. This parade isn't marching anymore, but we all keep going, because its all we really know how to do. This song gives me some sort of hope, the hope I know I really don't have anymore. It makes me want to be fucked up, to wear a mask, to dress in black and to cry and scream and... and. But at the same time, it makes me want to bleach my hair, rock out on a stage with a band (a band of my own, future band hopefully), throw a mic stand to the floor and drag my fingers across my skin, show my scars. Show. My. Scars.

Guys, do any of you think tattoos are that bad? Be honest, because I've heard it a total of 4 times today that I am going to ruin my life if I (so help me God) get one (even one, yes, one) tattoo. My dad said, seriously, "if you ever go out and get a tattoo, don't even think about coming home." My mom said "if God wanted you to have sicker (she said sicker, obviously meaning both my disorder and my scars) skin, he would've made you with tattoos." My grandmother said she would cry for days and days if I ever did something so stupid, its gross and gothic and gives people the wrong message." and Cody, and this made me so pissed, "I don't really think you should get a tattoo either.Newsflash sweetie. They won't help your problems being there, the pain or whatever you're wanting these for, if you honestly think getting a picture in ink on your skin is going to solve your issues, you're wrong."

There's no real way to hide this fact. I am a fucked up good for nothing 15 year old whose life is free falling down the toilet. My grades sort of suck, I can't control my mood or myself for that matter, I don't know who I like and who I don't, my parents hate my guts, my friend got suspended from school, I'm already going to hell, I can't drive cook get money or live a decent life, and I'm going to end up an alcoholic, tattooed stripper who works at a coffee shop during the day so I don't lose my shady apartment I call my own. Its how its going to work. And if I wanted to change it.... wouldn't I have by now? Its that... I literally have 0. Squat. Zip. None. In fact, negative motivation. Absolutely nothing in that file. Anywhere. And its that I don't really have a will to live, because I don't, but I keep living anyway because living a shitty life is still living at all, but if I could, I'd go on an attack rampage like my friend did and just... be something.

I haven't posted in FOREVER. Not that I was really missed :p but I haven't posted since the breakup of My Chemical Romance, which will ever be my favorite band, there's no doubt about it. I'm wondering if its really sunk in that they aren't together anymore. I called myself a Killjoy, I now know every last song of MCR, but for example, two nights ago, I was asked by my friend what concerts I want to go to before I settle down and raise a family (wait... oh yeah. Forever alone xP), and I started actually crying YES crying because I realized that they can't be my first concert anymore. I still love them though. They taught me straight forward that being a little awkward and fucked up is actually not a bad thing. I'm going to get an MCR tattoo when I'm older, no doubt about it. I don't have a twitter, so I don't follow the guys, but I know Gee gave out his PO box, and I have been stalling like crazy to send him something because I feel so awkward.

Have I seriously been neglecting... neglecting a couple of the two most sexy songs done by My Chemical Romance (not including Mama... which I have a slight thing for... okay sometimes its pretty bad...). But no, no dude. Destroya and F.T.W.W.W..... oh. oh my. oh. whoa. ...my computer is gonna die but.... seriously....

to anyone who I'm sure read this, sorry, I was in choir reading this, I totally spaced on what I was writing.... :/ i edited it, I felt bad :/
Kk.... have a nice night you guys *hugs*