Gerard's blog

Since my buddy Jon Rivera asked me to write the introduction to his graphic novel, Heartbreak, I asked him to return the favor by guest blogging on my current topic of interest- G
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It's 1:40am as I lay in bed, in the darkness I hear the faint single vibration of my cell phone signaling a text message. My eyes still blurry, I grab my phone to see what this emergency/possible booty text is all about. I check the sender, it's Gerard.

"Can you write a guest blog about jabba glob?"

This is how we roll on the next level.

In the summer of 1999, Gerard, Mikey, and I waged a holy war on sanity and our bank accounts with the release of The Phantom Menace (or simply "MENACE" as it became known to us).

Mikey built a wall of Darth Mauls, I caressed my Naboo Starfighter as if I was comforting a lover, and Gerard wouldn't eat food if it wasn't officially licensed by Lucasfilm.

But amongst the Jedi hair braids, pod racer notebooks, and lightsaber pencil sharpeners lay Jabba Glob. Sure, he was just rubber Jabba the Hutt figure that puked up space frogs. But there was something more, a tantalizing mystique.

Sadly, Neither Jabba nor his glob played much of a role in Episode 1. So why does this figure exist? What is a slug gangster doing with such a look of serenity on his face? Why did he not come with a bowl for his space frogs?

He seemed the outcast. Unpopular and irrelevant. Connected, but slightly out of sync with the other figures. Maybe we loved Jabba Glob because in our hearts we felt like Jabba Globs.

Jabba Glob, so seemingly carefree, but with him an air of melancholy. For you see, Jabba only had one glob. They did not sell refills, and to add non official Star Wars slime to Jabba Glob would have surely resulted in injury or death.

You only got one shot at this glob, so you had to make it count.

If that dosent tell you a little something about life then you are willfully ignorant at best.

During that summer, Gerard bought me a Jabba Glob for my 19th birthday. The package of slime lays sealed under my bed to this day, waiting for it's moment.

Hundreds of years from now, my widow will sit on a hill, spoon feeding my ashes into Jabbas mouth. As my remains mix with one fluid ounce of glob...she will find comfort. Knowing that I've finally gone home.

-Jonathan Rivera
New Jersey
3:32 AM

***note photo included, taken in his room.

I'm not sure I even know what to write about Jabba Glob.
I think it's more fun if you just discover it on your own, maybe investigate it on the internet.
I don't even want to talk about Star Wars, just Jabba Glob.

When this came out, with The Phantom Menace, I thought it was the worst idea ever. Mind you, I bought Naboo Starfighter stationary and I thought THIS was the worst.

Now for some reason I want one.

You all knew I was buying this.

Now to the review-

I will start with a phone conversation between myself and a friend, Jonboy, who, along with being a diehard Prisoner fan, also shares my love for zombies. He is more diehard than me, meaning he saw Diary Of The Dead, and is the one who introduced me to Tombs Of The Blind Dead.
The first thing I asked him was,
"Do you think this may be the game we've waited our whole lives for?"
He replied "Yes. Yes I think it is."

And he is right. The game is simple, you pick up the controller, you kill hordes of zombies, you get to a safe house, you survive. I didn't need to read a manual, I didn't need to hop online and figure out what the hell was going on- I just got right in the game. I love the kind of game where you just intuitively know how to play it, and the audio cues in the game are so great that you instinctively know what's about to happen before it does. And that was before even playing online with friends.
Thats when the game got really fun.

We played the Blood Harvest scenario (my favorite) and made it to the final showdown at the farmhouse. We died so many times and in so many glorious ways that eventually, coordinating via headsets, we decided to hole ourselves in a bathroom upstairs, shutting every door along the way. Then we let it rip.
The room looked like Jesus Christ's meat-grinder took a shit all over the tiles by the time the rescue truck showed up. Jon then had the idea to climb out of the top floor window, walk along the roof, and make a b-line for the truck. We survived, most of us I think.
And that was some of the most fun I've had in a long time playing a game with my friends. Valve did a bang-up job.

Now how do I think this game could be better? Or a sequel be fantastic?

1. Character creator.
The characters in the game are great, and they all have personalities and distinct animations, but I felt that it didn't really matter who you picked, though I favored the Vietnam vet (I thought I would have liked the biker, Francis, best, but I feel that they cleaned him up a bit too much from his previous incarnation, where he looked overweight and definitely loaded up on cocaine). In a game where the point it fighting and surviving a zombie apocalypse with your friends, you should actually be able to see your friends while you do this. I'm not saying that people should be able to make ridiculous looking avatars, as they should be limited to the skins and tools provided by Valve hence fitting into the world, but they should be able to have the option for a custom Survivor.

2.Chainsaw

3. More maps, though this is obvious. I would also like to see more varied missions, more missions that effect the map itself or the overall scenario. Search and rescue, assault...and I mean this game is dying for a Monroeville Mall map.

4.Chainsaw

I love this game.

**EDIT**
I forgot to mention the mood and tone of this game are perfect. Sometimes that's the most important thing to get and they nailed it here. There are moments that feel they are pulled out of everything from Night to Dawn of The Dead.

Scream Queens was excellent tonight.
It was nice to see Lindsay make a comeback and get more comfortable with her acting, though we felt Michelle did the best job on both challenges. Tanedra didn't have her best week but we were glad to see she made it to the GAUNTLET! Whatever the hell that is, it looks exciting.
I dare say it's the best reality show on television.
Some people might argue that Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew is better but that show is so damn good I don't even classify it as reality TV-
and who doesn't want to give Steven Adler a hug?

I also realized I have been calling Real Chance of Love "real chance @ love". I didn't realize there was a difference. This show almost lost me but this week wasn't bad, I was basically waiting for Scream Queens (I would call that "reverse piggy-backing", see my post on PUA2). But next weeks episode- that looks exciting. I definitely saw Real break a bottle over some dude's head.

I mean, overall, who gives a shit? I'm gonna listen to Chinese Democracy again.

Get that part in Saw 6 muthafuckas!

I gotta admit, I got the chills when I heard Mystery say that in last night's season finale of The Pickup Artist 2.

I don't even know how I started watching this show it's first season. I think it may have had to do with the fact I was hooked on Rock Of Love and they would play this afterwards. I think that's a very old method that networks use called "piggy-backing", and would explain why shows like "How I met Your Mother" or "My Fair Brady" even make it to their 2nd seasons.

But this show is quality.

And even more interesting than the contestants, challenges, and the orange spray-tan club goers of Scottsdale, Arizona (of COURSE this is where the show is filmed) is Mystery's wardrobe.

This is a man that knows how to take RISKS.
Mind you, these aren't risks that I would ever take but you gotta respect a guy thats Ren-Faire from the neck down and fighter-pilot meets X-Games roadie from the neck up. With Gladiator boots.

And can we talk about how likable this guy is?
This is a man that eats his own cereal in the morning if you know what I'm saying.

I felt that Simeon was a strong contender after the last few episodes, having clearly built up a momentum, and adopting a straw cowboy hat seemed to make a big difference. Did he win that in a reward challenge from Mystery? Like some sort of +5 Holy Avenger? (You PUA2 contestants know EXACTLY what I'm talking about)
I also felt Matt was a strong player as well, but I felt they both should have been penalized for their continued use of the same openers in the finale.

I would also like to point out that Matt's best friend, Chuck, on the previous episode, was not only totally fucking awesome, but also a really amazing comic book artist, who does a book Black Metal for Oni Press. I actually met Matt at the Eisners, as he was friends with Gabriel and had also taken home an Eisner for his comic. I found it interesting they made no mention of him being a comic artist in the episode, but I assumed Mystery felt this would have only hurt his chances in the club, although I feel "Hey I draw comics" is a much better opener than "My friends and I just completed a caper". But what do I know about this stuff?

One of the reasons I like this show is the fact that it is the least competitive reality show on television. There is no drama, just dudes having each other's back, and they are genuinely sad when one of their competitors gets the axe. This is an emotional, life-changing journey for these dudes.

The same cannot be said of Rock Of Love: Charm School or Paris Hilton's My New BFF. Lots of claws flying around.
Charm School had it's worst episode yet last night, but then again how do you follow an episode where the ladies have degenerated to spitting and plate throwing, drunk the whole time (suprise!). And I back Sharon Osborne, she is fun to watch, but the sock puppet thing didn't hold me.

Paris Hilton's New BFF we stopped watching after Kaylee got booted. That girl knew how to party, dress, live life, be fabulous. We think she would have made an excellent BFF. What's that leave? Bikini Corey? Please...

Some of you may be asking yourselves, "Does reality T.V. make you dumber?"
My answer to this is "Absolutely, yes".

But I figured I should be okay for a little wile...

xo
G

Bob sent me this from the road.
I believe it is where he was actually born despite countless news articles confirming otherwise.
If I was born here I would actually be able to grow a beard like Bob.

Bob's beard often gets overlooked because his hair color is so light.
A recent playing card set attached as a promotional item with a UK music magazine rated bands on everything from sex appeal to credibility, offering a bonus for beards.

My Chemical Romance received no beard bonus.

But we still scored pretty high.

I'm a huge Pulp fan, and Jarvis Cocker is one of my favorite front men of all time.
He is also one of the best dressed.
I think a good place to start with Pulp is "Different Class", though some Pulp purists will tell you to go even further back to "His And Hers" or "Masters Of The Universe".
But my favorite Pulp album is "This Is Hardcore", which, I feel, is a perfect example of a musical response to success, fame, drugs, and ridicule. The layout is also flawless.

So what's even better than old Jarvis Cocker?

New Jarvis Cocker.

He has somehow managed to dress even better than he used to, and his solo record, "Jarvis" is incredible.

Check out "Don't Let Him Waste Your Time"

I also asked for something grim.

This is grim.

Notice how the offer is only available for two days, yet clearly states "Tonight Only".

Taken in Texas.

This is what Bob ate for dinner. I have never had these...are they any good?