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A question?

I had my first meeting with a counselor. I didn't like it. its just not for me. This is why I cant wait until school is over so the counseling can be over as well, and the loneliness, and the stress. Anyways, I was wondering how to prevent myself from crying in front of others. I hate crying. Especially in front of people and I want to know how to prevent it from happening at once. Any ideas?

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So I lost my notebook at school and I couldnt find it all day. I found out that a counselor found it and went to her office to retrieve it. However she looked through it. You guy dont know this but my notebook is were I write all my poems. Whether its happy poem or a sad poem its in that book. This notebook is the book full of my feelings and the fact that this women read it broke my heart. To be honest I wanted to punch her in the face and tell to mind her own business but obviously i didnt. Instead she felt concerned about me and asked a bunch of questions (which i answered i dont know) until this question came up "Have you ever harmed yourself or ever think about harming yourself?" I answered no. I lied. I lied. I lied. i couldnt help it. I didnt want an issue to arise involving me and I didnt want anyone else to feel concerned either. I wanted them to know my life was normal. However, this woman knew i had a problem and scheduled an appointment for me to meet up with someone.

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FaKed My Sickness Today

Some of you may know that school is causing me to be a little depressed and lonely. I have become afraid of going to school now. As a result, I faked my sickness. I texted my mother saying I didn't feel good and stayed in bed out of pain. Although the pain wasn't out of sickness, pain is still in my body. I wish I didn't feel this way and at school I feel nervous like something bad is going to happen to me. I just don't now what to do with myself anymore. I feel as if I cant do anything to make myself happy. I wish I never switched schools, none of this would've happened if I never switched.

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A poem i wrote for school :/

I dwell in possibility
where my faith surrenders to fear
forming fearful thoughts from darkness
my mind trembles to hear

my despair transforms to anger
I drown in an endless abyss
in tears, I set myself free
to search for happiness

As I continue my journey
I still guard myself from the world
living with the pain in the past
nothing shall wreck my sheild

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Tired of this crap

im tired of school
im tired of work
im tired of boys
im tired of girls
im tired of crying
im tired of running
im tired of this world

im tired of myself

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wish me luck i guess

I have a bunch of make up work to do tomorrow and when I mean make up work I mean tests. You see I was sick and couldn't go to school last week and im pressured to make up all my work tomorrow. At the moment im studying my ass off while im in the process to wishing I were dead. Ever since I switched schools my life became harder, as if it were not hard enough. So I just hope to God that I pass these tests with at least a C or higher. Im just glad that all I need is the faith of a mustard seed because if it had to be any bigger... I don't know what I would do :/

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i didnt want to tell anyone but...

I think Im depressed. you know im surprised im actually typing this right now. Im usually afraid of telling others my feelings but since no one online truly knows who I am ...why not? I think I became depressed when school started. I went to a new school, it was hard making friends and now I made ones, kinda, but I often find myself alone thinking to myself that I don't belong in this school and that no one would actually care I left. my grades are not what I wanted because im an over achiever. in my last school I was a straight A student but now im struggling to keep my grades above a 70 and I think that this is the main problem. Everyone is getting a passing grade and then theres me. when I am in the classes im struggling in I try not to cry... as a matter of fact im crying typing this right now. I get home will loads of homework to catch up on feeling like a failure and I cant help but think that to myself. I see my worth in my grades and I feel worthless.

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Would you rather?

Would you rather be surrounded by people who hide their flaws or embrace their flaws?.... just a question.. nothing more... nothing less

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My School Life

I have been in a new academy this school year and I cant say that I am happy about it. Actually, I am quite sad. The only reason I come to this school is my bible class, the only hope I really have had. However, I've been feeling left out and crushed this year. For example, I feel that everyone I know in my classes know what going on but I don't. I literally lost in another dimension. The only thing that's really important to me is my grades and the fact I'm not doing well in school makes me really depressed. I have thought in my head that I shouldn't follow and I am glad that I don't follow them. Friends. I don't have any. At least I don't have any that I can trust or depend on. Sure I talk to people. I smile and laugh but they don't know me like they think I do because for some reason I can't trust them. I feel like this school is full of liars. For the fact they walk along the hallways like they have a perfect life but I know they don't.

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Fearful Me... A poem i had to complete for school

As a child, my mind was pure, exultant, and free
Daring enough to dream a dream
Chasing them from midnight to dawn
I smiled for I was ignorant of the world before me

On the peak of my planets ceaseless imagination
When the stars of somber souls would collide and fall
I felt as if I were that fallen star, continuously collapsing
I learned the atrocious actions of the real world and lost my true smile

In time, I found myself lost in memories
Still trying to collect myself
as I picture the reminiscence of my childhood
My mind will never stop meditating on the past

Now, I'm careful of my own actions and mindful of how others feel
I watch the world before my eyes dismantle itself while
A little girl bruised and damaged looks back at me scared
My memories