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So today i admitted to my mum how unhappy i am

She said i'm mentally ill and selfish for making her miserable like i am, like i can fucking help feeling like this, i'm supposed to be able to turn to her and have someone to talk to about how i feel and she even said my figure was boyish when i got upset about having a fat boyish figure and when i was upset about my features and how i look she started saying i should change my makeup and hair to being normal then i could look nice like normal girls and i would go and dye my hair green wouldnt i?

fallenangel1xxx's picture

So today i admitted to my mum how unhappy i am

She said i'm mentally ill and selfish for making her miserable like i am, like i can fucking help feeling like this, i'm supposed to be able to turn to her and have someone to talk to about how i feel and she even said my figure was boyish when i got upset about having a fat boyish figure and when i was upset about my features and how i look she started saying i should change my makeup and hair to being normal then i could look nice like normal girls and i would go and dye my hair green wouldnt i?

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Aww my best friend is so adorable

My best friend knows i've been having a bad time of it lately and i don't really like hugs and stuff but because i can really trust him i'm not all shaky and panicky anymore so whilst my other best friends were out doing drugs and drinking all night without a thought in the world for me he let me come over to his and we just sat watching cheesy horror cuddled up on the sofa all night, it was really nice to do and i know what i find preferable to my other friends lifestyles, there was nothing weird there at all just a great friendship and though i don't know how he puts up with me, i'm really grateful to have him as a friend..
p.s Have a photo of Frankie i took in 2010

fallenangel1xxx's picture

Aww my best friend is so adorable

My best friend knows i've been having a bad time of it lately and i don't really like hugs and stuff but because i can really trust him i'm not all shaky and panicky anymore so whilst my other best friends were out doing drugs and drinking all night without a thought in the world for me he let me come over to his and we just sat watching cheesy horror cuddled up on the sofa all night, it was really nice to do and i know what i find preferable to my other friends lifestyles, there was nothing weird there at all just a great friendship and though i don't know how he puts up with me, i'm really grateful to have him as a friend..
p.s Have a photo of Frankie i took in 2010

fallenangel1xxx's picture

Aww my best friend is so adorable

My best friend knows i've been having a bad time of it lately and i don't really like hugs and stuff but because i can really trust him i'm not all shaky and panicky anymore so whilst my other best friends were out doing drugs and drinking all night without a thought in the world for me he let me come over to his and we just sat watching cheesy horror cuddled up on the sofa all night, it was really nice to do and i know what i find preferable to my other friends lifestyles, there was nothing weird there at all just a great friendship and though i don't know how he puts up with me, i'm really grateful to have him as a friend..
p.s Have a photo of Frankie i took in 2010

fallenangel1xxx's picture

Aww my best friend is so adorable

My best friend knows i've been having a bad time of it lately and i don't really like hugs and stuff but because i can really trust him i'm not all shaky and panicky anymore so whilst my other best friends were out doing drugs and drinking all night without a thought in the world for me he let me come over to his and we just sat watching cheesy horror cuddled up on the sofa all night, it was really nice to do and i know what i find preferable to my other friends lifestyles, there was nothing weird there at all just a great friendship and though i don't know how he puts up with me, i'm really grateful to have him as a friend..
p.s Have a photo of Frankie i took in 2010

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sorry for using the mcrmy as councilling...

Well here’s how it is, i used to feel lonely but i feel like i’ve gotten so used to being lonely that i hardly acknowledge it and the pain of it is just a symptom of being alive, and i’m too exhausted to cry about it. I guess more than anything i feel numb but today i realized just how alone i am, it’s not that i want to kill myself (despite someone on ask.fm keep telling me to) it’s kinda like if i got hit by a bus and briefly died but could be resuscitated (i dont believe in ghosts really) i would have my ghost possess the head doctor and make him tell the other doctors i couldn’t be saved.

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i feel so fucking hurt...

someone on ask.fm just asked if i was close to suicide, well, "how close to suicide are you" and it's really shaken me up, i can't imagine why they've asked it, i get a little depressed sometimes, mostly when i havent had my tablets, but i'm not suicidal anymore, i'm over that now, i have things to live for now, and i don't know why but someone asking me that anonymously has actually made me cry, i think it's really rude and horrible to say to somone and to think they have the right to try get into my fucking personal life like that makes me sick!!! No i'm not usually happy, but i'm not particularly sad either, i'm just neutral, apathetic, then sometimes i get sad, but i'm past that, it was so fucking difficult then someone goes and brings it up again and makes me think of when i wanted to kill myself and i think it might be someone who dislikes me and genuinely wants me to kill myself when i havent done anything wrong to anyone..

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my life recently

so.. i've met this amazing woman, problem, my family will be dicks about it and probably disown me
1. she's female
2. she's 20 years older than me
3. she lives in wales
4. she's trans
it really doesn't bother me but my family are really narrow minded and though i'm not sexually attracted to her i love her personality, but also this gorgeous girl who' my age keeps trying it on with me and as i'm not with the other woman yet i don't know what to do, i'm scared that stupid drunken me will get with hot girl then regret it but also i'm 17, i don't really want to settle down just yet.. ugh i miss being miserable and lonely :,)

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and the crowd goes wild at my demise

Well in the weeks since mcr split everything has gone to shit basically, i've lost everything, my friends, my family, the will to carry on, the will to wake up in a morning.. on the first night they broke up i drank, and drank, and drank some more.. it was stupid i know but it numbed the pain a little, little did i know how much the pain would progress, well first things first, my mum told me she wishes she never had me or my brother and we make her want to kill herself every day of her life, she's acting really cold towards me, particularly because i oppose to my sister bringing a child up into a religion that it is too young to understand and taking the human right of free will from said child. Which leads to my relapse, through growing to hate yourself the mind can manifest itself in different ways, for me lately its been scalding hot showers and sleeping pills and forcing myself to vomit out the contents of my stomach, But atleast i still have my friends, right?