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*sigh* I just miss him. A lot.

I had put my iPod on shuffle today and all of a sudden, Disenchanted pops on and I don't stop it.
I ended up crying after the first three lines. That song just really hits me hard. It's practically everything I felt at the time of Jimbo's (my grandfather's) death. I just...I miss him a lot. It doesn't even really feel like he's gone a lot of the time, because he's just ALWAYS been there and it makes no sense for him not to be. He was like a constant ray of sunshine in my family, and now he's just....disappeared.
I'll never be able to hear his voice again or talk to him about 'show business' or watch him smoke a cigarette while simultaneously telling me that he'll chop off my tongue if I ever even touch a cigarette. I'll never be able to hear him laugh and tell me how far I'll make it in life if I just keep performing and working hard.
He'll never be able to see me make him proud.
I miss you, Jimbo. Love you, forever and always.
xoxo.

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Frank's new song, joyriding.

https://soundcloud.com/frnkiero-1/joyriding-demo

Lyrics:
i'm not sure what they said, but if it's true i'll bet
it's just one more thing i'll regret.
i hate my weaknesses, they made me who i am.
'yea it's cool i'll be ok'
as i felt your pain wash over me, so i dry your eyes and hide my shakes
because i hate that look that's on your face.
these things inside my head, they never make much sense.
so i wouldn't hold my breath...
i hope i die before they save my soul.
'yea it's cool i'll be ok'
as i felt your pain wash over me, so i dry your eyes and hide my shakes
because i hate that look that's on your face.
don't hang up, because i don't have anyone left here
don't give up, don't hang on to anything i've said.
i hate my weaknesses, they made me who i am
it makes no difference, i'm insignificant.
'yea it's cool i'll be ok'
as i felt your pain wash over me, so i dry your eyes and hide my shakes
because i hate that look that's on your face

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My surgery went well yesterday, yay!

Wow, I haven't been on here in FOREVER. My god...
But anyway, remember how (a long time ago) I had posted on here about how I had my biopsy done and they found out that the skin they sampled did indeed have abnormal cells and was developing cancer? Well, I had my other surgery yesterday to get the rest of the area removed and get this...
I DIDN'T CRY.
I know a lot of people will just be like 'okay....whyyyy does that matter?...' but it is a HUGE accomplishment for me because of my doctor-needle-anything medically related phobia.
The surgery hurt like a bitch, though. I did whimper like a baby and crush my moms hand to death, but I got through it and I no longer have developing cancer! Hopefully! If it grows back, though, that'll be a problem...

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Kind of a Bad day, but it wasn't AWFUL.

I had school registration today. Softmore year....yaaay. *so much sarcasm*.
I really don't wanna go back to school. Sitting in a classroom for seven hours while talking about subjects that you don't find interesting and that your mind isn't absorbing while dealing with jerks who don't know when to lay off or just getting generally ignored by everybody. WOO.
My brother also got his wisdom teeth removed today and he's in a lot of pain...it makes me really sad to see him feeling so awful because he's an awesome brother and he's not used to constant pain...I wish I could take it away from him :/
Anyway, back to the school topic (because it's so interesting.)
I found out I'm probably going to be riding my bike to and from school this year because none of my siblings go to school with me anymore and my mom has to take my little sister to her elementary school at a different time and it's just not worth two trips.
I feel like it'll be both an awful and awesome experience.

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*sigh*

I hate my anxiety.
I hate the way it makes it hard to breathe, how it makes me feel like I'm underwater, drowning, and everyone else is happily filling their lungs with oxygen.
I hate how I can't do anything fun, because I over analyze everything and it throws me in a state of panic that I can't claw my way out of if I tried.
I hate how I feel like people are always staring at me, judging me.
I hate how I care.
I hate how I know that I'll never be able to do anything in life because I can't even leave the house without my throat closing up and my lungs constricting, making it so I'll never be able to leave my hometown.
I hate how I can't tell anybody because I'm supposed to be the happy one, the one who's strong for everyone else, the one who's getting her friends through their problems.

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This is one of my favorite interviews....It's just so funny.

This isn't the whole interview, it's split up into parts, but this little section I find hilarious :P
"It tastes like somebody stole my wallet, ya know what I mean?"

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fdsakfljeiawljfd

Okay so a) I fucking love blur. Seriously. I love them, they're awesome.
b) THIS COVER IS GREAT. So you should watch it. I love Song 2. My older sister and I always rock out to it in the car :3

So, I've been reading a fic, and I just had inspiration for a drawing but there's a problem.
I can't draw. Like...at all. AT. ALL.
So, if anyone is bored and would like to do a little doodle, just comment or message me or whatever :P Even if you don't wanna draw anything, just message me. I like people on here. You're all awesome and fun to talk to :3

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Can I honestly just be healthy for once?

So I got my biopsy results today, and apparently the spot on my head they biopsied had pre cancer and so does the area around it, so I have to have another procedure.
And if that wasn't enough, I went to the doctor today for MORE health issues :/ I was having trouble with this pain in between my ribs, a lot of pressure, and I felt like I couldn't catch my breath. I keep getting really nauseous, too, and it's just extremely uncomfortable.
So I went to the doctor and they said that they THOUGHT it was acid reflux, but they had to do blood tests to make sure it was nothing else that could be worse.
Blood tests.
BLOOD. TESTS.
Which involves needles. And needles are NOT MY THING.
I was fucking sobbing. It was awful. :'( I really just hate doctors offices. Too many memories, too much fear....too much everything. I hate it.
Hope your day has gone better than mine <3
xoxo, Mimi

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The boy who wouldn't grow up

Peter Pan is one of my favorite stories of all time. Not just because I grew up on the Disney movie, but because now that I can understand the whole point and concept of Peter Pan, as well as all the characters, it is probably (in my own opinion) one of the best pieces of literature ever written.
Peter is a cocky, arrogant, and quick thinking boy who is said to be very selfish.
But no one stops to think why he is that way.
He is scared to grow up, why else would he want to stay a child forever besides the obvious perks of youth? He is afraid of what is to come, but even when faced with death, he "only gave one shudder, while others would've been shaken with fright til death." It seemed he'd rather die young than to burn out as a 'grumpy adult.'
He and the Lost Boys, who look to Peter as their leader, literally live on an island, TAKING CARE OF THEMSELVES, refusing to grow up.
That is some independent, strong-willed children.