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Can someone help me please?

I just don't know whats going on I don't even know what I am doing.. Who am I even? What are we doing? Who are we? Looking out I see a world that is not the same as the one I envision. Pain and torment no one cares. Everyone to busy and gone to even think about anything else for a moment. Where has art gone?

Where is the if in this life. If you take out the f then this is just a lie.

Silent sleep, the resistance is negative.

Cold slumber, the results are positive.

Proving ever more to bring a fear and respect for the beginning of peace.

To be held forever by our earth mother.

Fell asleep listening to my metrenome

If for one moment you could stop the metrenome, (I know thats not how its spelt, thats how I spell it, it sounds more proper. Metronome sounds like a city loving little person in a green pointy hat)

So for one moment you could stop the metrenome ticking locking it into place stopping time completely. What does one do with oneself with unlimited time?

I am losing it...

Woke up this morning it was not so intense but I did wake up at like 9am and i kinda went to sleep at 5am... I walked into my living room and one of my roommates were dying in the kitchen (not literally) but he has been having this "look like his puppy just died" (words of my other roommate). Speaking of whom was also looked like someone killed his puppy and he was mad about it. I don't know maybe its that if we can't do this then we have nothing else...

That's when I said, "Hey... Cheer the fuck up. Its Saturday." But I can't take this bleak look of my face.

I can't tell if I am losing my mind..

I just woke up today. One of my roommates was depressed looked like he was crying in the kitchen the other was really mad. I just smiled and said, "Cheer the fuck up. Its Saturday." I don't even know why I am not depressed when I spent all last night trying to figure out what I was... I wrote somethings down..
Questions to Ask yourself(?)

Who am I?

What AM I?

What am I REALLY?

How can I believe anyone?

What am I doing with my life?

What the HELL is LIFE?

Why do I HAVE to live?


I am not sure how to answer these today but

I will become

what I strive to be. I am determined to make this happen.

Another picture of me

Some photos I took, I have a few more lol but I guess those are exclusives or something XD.

Yeah... I don't know..... Sometimes life is just an amazing place to be.

Why am I still writing....

A life so fucked up I don't even know where to start
if I even tried to write the words I would just end up tearing it apart.

This pen is to strong for the medium in which its on.
The words cut so deep that this page is bleeding!

Fight against the current and you will only get tired.
Be smart and get out while you still can!

Losing interest in everything but what is it really?
Hating it all what will that ever get me?

I wish you could have been there to save me..
I wish you could have been there when I fell.


A Poem for a fly

Curious little creature do you know what you are...
Wondering around you rest on my arm..
Your thoughts and feelings are probably so much different from mine.
Probably more hungry more restless more lost..
Your so small yet you cause such a big effect..
Such a social little creature do you even know what you are..

About myself I guess...

Well, I will start by saying.. The first time I heard My Chemical Romance was in an AoL Exclusive way back in the days of dial up internet. It was a crazy time when I felt like I couldn't do anything. I had no life, no friends, nothing... not even music. I loved MCR's Sound as soon as I heard it but I was so into Anime Music and also couldn't go out and buy CD's or anything... The only CD I had was a Creed CD.

Skipping to the future.. I eventually got my first MP3 Player... WOW HOW MY WORLD CHANGED!

I could finally listen to music!

So I spent this whole life musicless, with no real friends or family... I was completely alone.

As my depression kept growing I was getting more and more suicidal. I hate everyone and everything... I was becoming sociopathic and homicidal as well. I wanted everyone and everything to die. Then I came back to MCR...

I was listening to the song Ghost of You and I just was destroyed by its lyrics.. Broke down crying.. I am surprised I can even remember this.. I hated everything..

I don't really know why I am writing this... No one will ever read it.. I guess its for me mostly...

I know this has no point but my mind is so fucked up anyway.. I am done... maybe I will come back and write more later..

An Insane Artist

I am not going to put in any special code because I don't really care. I only wanted to say that MCR has saved my life. But also has helped me figure out how I am going to escape the fate given to me.

I also wish so much I could talk to Ray Toro I don't know much about you except that you have inspired me to do something I didn't know I could do and that's play music.

I have always been trying to find something I was always writing and I am always writing but I wish I could have done more. Music is going to be my way to help the world. I am tired of this pain.