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I don't get it

I am just trying to get it. It just doesn't make sense. I can't figure it out whats going on. Everything is so messed up. Living life to me is so strange. I wish I was a rock instead of a person. I wish I didn't have to think or talk. I don't even know what I want because I want nothing at all.


Give away all my stuff I worked for. I could do it. But then I would just need to get more stuff because I'd be bored or I wouldn't be productive.

I think being productive is my most important goal but why is it that I can be more productive in

So much pain and hate and torture..

I understand that their are two sides to this coin but why can't we just live happily with each other. I try to understand it all and I feel like I am part of the reason itself.

But when I look at it all again, I see that I can be something so much greater. I want to be one of the people who can help others through the dark times. I want to spread inspiration to live free and peacefully but also be honest about it all. No one really knows whats going on why try to hide it.

Why are we walking around in life acting like we know why everything happens but we only do as we are told and walk

My weekend is ending

While many of you will be heading back to school.. I wish I could too. I will be returning to my job. Constantly the same thing. Problems that I can solve but don't have answers to. But I am only fixing problems the people could have fixed themselves if they just took a small amount of time to look it over.

We are so confused by speed that we think everything must be just as fast because everyday we are losing time quickly and we just can't stop and smell the roses... the roses have all died.

I can only find peace in my sleep, even though often my dreams can be worse than reality at least

Can someone help me please?

I just don't know whats going on I don't even know what I am doing.. Who am I even? What are we doing? Who are we? Looking out I see a world that is not the same as the one I envision. Pain and torment no one cares. Everyone to busy and gone to even think about anything else for a moment. Where has art gone?

Where is the if in this life. If you take out the f then this is just a lie.

Silent sleep, the resistance is negative.

Cold slumber, the results are positive.

Proving ever more to bring a fear and respect for the beginning of peace.

To be held forever by our earth mother.

Fell asleep listening to my metrenome

If for one moment you could stop the metrenome, (I know thats not how its spelt, thats how I spell it, it sounds more proper. Metronome sounds like a city loving little person in a green pointy hat)

So for one moment you could stop the metrenome ticking locking it into place stopping time completely. What does one do with oneself with unlimited time?

I am losing it...

Woke up this morning it was not so intense but I did wake up at like 9am and i kinda went to sleep at 5am... I walked into my living room and one of my roommates were dying in the kitchen (not literally) but he has been having this "look like his puppy just died" (words of my other roommate). Speaking of whom was also looked like someone killed his puppy and he was mad about it. I don't know maybe its that if we can't do this then we have nothing else...

That's when I said, "Hey... Cheer the fuck up. Its Saturday." But I can't take this bleak look of my face.

I can't tell if I am losing my mind..

I just woke up today. One of my roommates was depressed looked like he was crying in the kitchen the other was really mad. I just smiled and said, "Cheer the fuck up. Its Saturday." I don't even know why I am not depressed when I spent all last night trying to figure out what I was... I wrote somethings down..
Questions to Ask yourself(?)

Who am I?

What AM I?

What am I REALLY?

How can I believe anyone?

What am I doing with my life?

What the HELL is LIFE?

Why do I HAVE to live?


I am not sure how to answer these today but

I will become

what I strive to be. I am determined to make this happen.

Another picture of me

Some photos I took, I have a few more lol but I guess those are exclusives or something XD.

Yeah... I don't know..... Sometimes life is just an amazing place to be.

Why am I still writing....

A life so fucked up I don't even know where to start
if I even tried to write the words I would just end up tearing it apart.

This pen is to strong for the medium in which its on.
The words cut so deep that this page is bleeding!

Fight against the current and you will only get tired.
Be smart and get out while you still can!

Losing interest in everything but what is it really?
Hating it all what will that ever get me?

I wish you could have been there to save me..
I wish you could have been there when I fell.