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Warning this is not what you think it is...

I don't know what this blog is about... I just came on here because I love my chemical romance and I am having some real issues with life that I just can't seem to just follow along this path that is suppose to be laid out before me.

Birth
Sleep
School
Sleep
Work
Sleep
Death
Sleep forever.

I do what I have to do because I have no money, not that I am complaining about that but I just don't don't quit understand it..

NOW to the other side..

Yeah. Those are jobs that need to be done. Those are all things that are needing to be done. But no one wants to do them... LOL BULL!

So its my birthday..

... I feel like crap and I don't want to do anything today..

I thank you guys who enjoying my blogs, but I don't even know what I am rambling about. It seems that everything I say is all very entertaining but what am I doing really to actively help in anyway either...

I am not good at much, I need to go to work and help them there but I just can't stop feeling sick and sad, even this feeling is frustrating for me because it just makes me feel worse... its like a constant spiral of self hate... I keep finding the next step down because the last step just wasn't enough stupid selfish pain that

Your smart don't think your not..

So my philosophy is everyone is a genius. We just need guidance. The problem is there is no place for free guidance, ehem... let me rephrase that...

There is no place for free guidance where they don't try to pressure their views on you. I once talked to some christians. I told them I am going to hell, not because I am evil, but because its my choice too.

I see it this way... hell cannot hurt me... if my soul is immortal, then anything that happens, no matter how much torture I may receive then I will get over it.

The rest of the band is signing up

http://www.mychemicalromance.com/users/hitori-j-hisui

Just signed up

Lol. I don't think he knows what hes doing here either.

Flash cards XD

ARE FLIPPIN' AWESOME!

So I made a bunch of flash cards so that I could learn, key signatures, major scales, and chords all at once.. Honestly its working and its really cool because if I want to make a chord progression, I just pick a chord card, throw it down, pick another one up, throw it down, and pick another one up and throw it down, then I go back to the first chord (which decides the scale, but you don't have to do it this way, any card can decide the scale) then looking at the scale I can see how the next to chords have to be played.

Then next thing is getting that circle of fifths

Wow.. lol

So.... I have been thinking.... I don't understand this blog thing, I use to never want anyone to know about what I was doing but you know what I guess I just thought I'd change everything up a bit.. I have been wanting to write more lately and I got some advice somewhere to start a blog.

Last night I got pretty messed up... didn't get to sleep until like 4am and got up at 8am to come to work lol.

I have a big bruise on my forehead... lol

I don't know what else to say right now... I like Peach tea.. I really like brisk peach tea but because its so hard to find and by a lot of I have to buy

What the hell is even going on..

Ok... so seriously... my brain got thinking.... I am just wondering.... what is going on... now I am almost thinking perfectly clearly like I have some how tapped into control of my mind that I didn't know I had.. the alcohol even though is intoxicating it has allowed me to slow down, but for some reason with the mind I have it allows me to think clearer... almost like now I know exactly what I am trying to say... wow... nothing I have written has been spelt wrong .. except apparently that word is suppose to be spelled wrong lol... but its I just look at it and its like yeah.. it is spelled

I'm drunk lol

Probably not the best image but you know what I need this.. I hate drinking, I hate alcohol but sometimes... sometimes you just need to drink... So if anyone think I am a pussy or something for crying.. Fuck you.. Real men know when they are beat and know when to retreat but I a trying my best to live in a world that I can't seem to figure out. I don't even know what it even means to be a real man what the helll is that anyway..

We are all human! THATS IT! MALE FEMALE DOESNT MATTER!

I cried...

.... today.... today I cried because I just can't take it. Everything doesn't make sense why am I so lost in a world were everyone can find themselves... When is my life going to get better? When am I going to be happy?

I honestly think I should give up on happiness... I can't feel it so maybe I should give up and accept that I won't ever get over this. Maybe I should just try to find away to continue on...

I wish I had fans... I wish I was a great musician... I wish I could be me... I wish life would be kinder to me and give me the skills I need to reach the rest of the world...

My heart may

So long and goodnight....

... How I wish I could say those words to this life in which I live. I wish there was some way I could just be happy. I wish I knew what other people felt. I wish there was just some reason for me.

Depression.. so the only way I am suppose to get over this is with drugs? Why do I have to do drugs? I don't want to do drugs, I don't want medicine. I don't need my mood altered. I need my life altered. I need to be in a place where when I go outside and if I was laying in the street someone would come by and ask if I need help rather than look at me like a waste of life.

I hate when these people

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