drummer_mcr_freak's blog

okay, so my really good friend asked me out through a text yesterday.
He's one of those sweet but freakishly weird kids...he's kinda chubby and wears like the same thing every day.
I said yes because my other friend said it'd be a good idea, and nothing could go wrong.
...I'm not exactly the 'dating' type...
And there's this other guy that I've liked for a while...Well, 'emotionally attached' more. He reminds me of a brother and since my brother is a total dick head I kinda searched for a replacement and there was the other guy. And now he skipped a class for me, he says Hi whenever possible...
I'm not good at determining whether people like me or not, but I think he does.
And that would just rock my world...
But then we get back to the weird kid.
...I'm kinda embarrassed to be with him.
It was cool when we were friends, but now...everyone knows.
It would of been okay if I liked him back, but I don't...why should I have to suffer from pity, right?

I just ate cheetos and drank some coke.
BAD IDEA.
I feel like I'm going to puke.
It's not the first time I've done this.
I'll never learn.

Anyways.
Now for my rant.
My best friend is all pouty about life and stuff and I mean
she has nothing to complain about.
Perfect boyfriend, has a million good friends, is beautiful, has an amazing family...
but she still complains about how she hates smiling.
It just gets me all pissed.
My grandpa is dying from cancer, and he hasn't said one thing about it.
WTF?!

Grr. Whatever.

Congratz to that lucky badass who won those posters!!

xoxo,
madisonn.

Sooo yeah. Ever since Thanksgiving, I've had this weird feeling.
Well, it's what I'm NOT feeling. Like, I don't feel happy, I don't feel excitement, I don't feel anything good.
I can get mad as hell, and I'll cry a lot easier...
but whenever I laugh, I laugh for like, a second, then look away sadly and sigh.
I don't even mean to.
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!

Yeah, so I saw it for the first time ever yesterday.
Oh. My. Fucking. God.
It was the WORST movie I've ever seen.
I knew I hated fantasies before, but this was just bullshit.
why do people like it?!
I mean, the cat was my favorite part.
otherwise, it sucked.
...well, the Mad Hatter was kinda funny.
But not really.

I was playing this Alice In Wonderland related game on notdoppler, but it was "Alice is Dead."
I liked that version better.

Ugh. Do you like it? If so, I'll have to hit you with a fish.
xoxo,
madisonn.

yah know in the helena video, about 57 seconds in, when he's saying "And goodnight", where Gerard grabs his head and kinda messes with his hair...
oh jesus. that was HOT. sorry, I really had to say that :x
I can't stand it. I wanna scream but...my mom wouldn't appreciate that.

any creepy fetishes you have? haha. i'm not exactly sure how gee would respond if he saw this Dx
I'd be embarrassed, excited, and nervous all at the same time.
mindless blabber of mine, carry on.
xoxo,
madisonn.

Who's the last person you talked to about sex?
mickey, mah best friend c:

Have you ever sat in the back of a police car?
probably, I wouldn't be able to remember ;)

Are you stubborn?
Extremely

When was the last time you said you were fine and really weren't?
yesterday when mickey asked what was wrong.

Do you trust all your friends?
not at all.

Do you care if people hate you for no reason?
not really. i like bothering people, so no one hates me for no reason xD

Did you kiss or hug anyone today?
my mom...but it was to annoy her. wow, i'm wonderful.

Think of the last person who said I love you,do you think they meant it?
honestly, no.

Has anyone ever asked you if you had a mental illness?
Yup.

Have you ever kissed anyone with a tattoo?
No....

Who was the last person you kissed on the cheek?
no one D: no one loves me.

What pissed you off today?
mom.

Have you ever kissed someone you weren't dating?
nope.

yeah, my mom asked me to balance her check book.
...wtf? I dunno if i'm overreacting, but she acted like it was perfectly normal.
of course, i blew up, saying "my brother is just playing Call of Duty while I fold clothes, do the dishes, set the table, take out the trash, walk the dog, and NOW i have to balance your check book?!"
...okay, it wasn't fair for me to yell at her. she was doing a shit load of work.
but I think i have a sleeping disorder because i go to bed early, get 9 hours of sleep, but I'm so tired every day.
I guess i'm just cranky.
And I know - It could of been worse...I might not have a mom.
but i enjoy whining.

What crazy things do your parents command you to do?
I'm extremely curious. I want to use them in a future arguement.
Heheh.
xoxo,
madisonn.

by the way, she asked the dog if she was hungry before she asked me. she still hasn't.
what a wonderful mother.

Okay, so the school system down here in florida sucks balls.
My math program is so confusing, I'm definitley going to fail.
I used to get all A's, but now, I have an F and a-soon-to-be B.
I have the option to go to prep school.
at first, I was like "Aw hell nah."
but now that I think about it...how bad can it be?
money isn't an issue (i'm not trying to flaunt that I'm not giving head to the economy. don't take offense plz D:)
Yeah, uniforms, but I don't have to think about what I'm going to wear, right?
I'd be the new kid, but then I'd be able to sing I'm Not Okay and actually remake the video in real life (Even the crayon.)
...but I'd lose all my friends.
which would suck, but I hate most of them anyways.
hahah, so I'm not sure what to do.
My heart says go, but my mind is 50/50.
Frankie went to a Prep school, right? He turned out amazing...
sigh. help?
xoxo,
madisonn.

Worst parts of my night:
Falling off my bed
Getting an extreme fever
Losing my blanket
Back hurts

Best:
Had a dream about My Chemical Romance.

2nd dream I've had of them. I was so happy when I woke up.
How was your guys's nights?

xoxo,
madisonn.

I was reading the lyrics someone posted earlier...
and I was thinking - what's the meaning of these songs?
I mean, normally, every song would have a deep meaning...
Maybe I didn't read it close enough, or maybe I have to hear the whole song,
but I'm sure hoping there will be a lot of meaning here.
I need it right now...
xoxo,
madisonn.