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I am lying, I am lying to YOU!!! FORGET IT!!!!

i sit in front of him this morning. his killjoy name is A. B. Sunshine. we are not in relationship but people think so when he and I are together. they dont know that we're just having a small talk. We keep refusing what people said. yes, we are close, but only as a friend. I tell all people that i love my neighbour who actually pretend me only like his sister.

I got a complicated life, i think he got it too but he has a good paradigm of it. Im tired of being me. i couldnt be myself. i was always hiding. till he implicitly told me that i dont need to be too glomy, i should enjoy it. he shouldnt know that he has changed my complicated paradigm of anything. everytime i did it, he used to say "why do you make it so complicated?" well i dont know what im talking about! i just want you all to know HE CHEERS MY LIFE UP with his own unique way, by annoying me! but i like it!

I did my biggest mistake and this is gonna be my agony.

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No sunshine without them

My days were messy, crowded, crazy, or ohh whatever! and i bet the next following days wILL be worse.

I'm walking on two paths. i try to step on them together in the same time, but I'm lost in both paths. No path i can do well. I cant see any light in both paths. This is the first time I feel this kind of tight-shit and i wanna let them go. nothing can i do. If i stop walking, I should hate my life then. I stand up hopeless and no one cares. I dont wanna get up and see mornings. Maybe some of you are perplexed about what im talking. Well, this is my last year in high school, so many silly things about going to college. I try not to waste any chance (try to be a good girl) but I think I've made everyone disappointed. That's my fault. I didnt try as hard as i can. I am a kind of person who isnt so easy to adapt to a new situation where i wanna make a change of me. I cant think clearly now. Have you ever felt the same???