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UNMARRIED, hurts me like HELL :(

Hey you guys.... Killjoys or MCRmy.... I like you all... I'm just wondering.... What you guys do when your boyfriend said he doesn't wanna marry? seems forever he said. :( is that a sign that he wants to break up? Another time he said he might change his mind. Well that's really sadistic. I know we're just graduated from highschool, and still too juvenile to think bout the ending, happy or sad. I never expect to marry him or anything but... I mean.... He's that easy saying "I'm gonna leave you, because I don't wanna marry. But its a long way to leave, not now". Honestly that's so damn hurting like hell... I don't think he knows how much I'm in love with him, we've been almost 8months in relationship though. Well if he had planned to leave, why it isn't now? Yeah I might fell really deep down if s its so, but I bet i'll get hurt more if I he goes later when we got every-single-thing perfect. I mean...

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MY (complicated) LIFE

Everything just goes wrong. School, family, dreams, they're all just not okay! I'm ashamed of my life everytime people ask about it, especially 'bout my family. I'd only like to talk about me, my mom, and dad when i was kid. i really miss my childhood where i could feel the warmth of the real family. I hate being alone, that's more painful than just being annoyed. I hate being left, whatever the reason is, because it makes me feel i am not wanted. so just ask me to leave, i'll leave. tired of being left by people I love (started with mom who left because of brain cancer) is the reason why I'm afraid to love someone a little too much now. yeah, afraid of losing.

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I MISS HIM

have you ever missed someone so bad till you cant put him/her away from your mind?! haven't been texting or calling or chatting for about 3 days. Thats annoying :( . I think he's uncomfortable with our relationship, kinda bored, but he just never tell. I've been reading all his past texts over and over again (till i can remember most of 'em) just because i miss him, really! I guess that's all i can do now. hey Jawa, i miss you!! :*

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hey,

what you guys do when you think your boyfriend is bored with the relationship. well he's not straightly said it, but you know you can feel it. ohmygod, I should have known he deserve a much better, much more interesting, more cheerful girl. not like me, a gloomy-ridiculous-fat girl.

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I've been dreaming of...

so umm... I've been dreaming of a relationship where we talk like best friends, play like kids, and protect each other like siblings. i guess that would be cool! haha :D what do you think?! :)

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Dont read this, this is silly! hhaha :D

Feels like i wanna scream and shout to the boy i like:
"I'm so in love that I act insane, and that's the way I love you!"
just to let him know i really like him. but i bet he's not gonna know it. :(

ParanoiaDestroya is shinning off

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FRUSTATED! :O

Hey guys! Have you ever felt like you’re forced to do something you don’t like? And you have no other choices?! I’m stuck in that situation now. I was planning to go to a medical school in one of best public universities here, Airlangga University. That would be very hard, I know. That university is exactly what I’ve been dreaming of since I sat in junior highschool, the reason why I keep reading book till now. That’s just all what I want, no other university. However, as everyone knows know, I am not accepted in that school. So I have to go to a private one, which I don’t really like. Oh My Gee, I’m so damn wanting Airlangga University to be my school. Well it’s my fault, I know. I was playing too much, less studying, coming late to class, ohmygod, what the hell i was doing?! I should be more studying. I regret all useless time that I've wasted when i was in highschool, and i wish this is all just a dream, except being together with my boyfriend, hhaha.

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I stole

A - AVAILABLE: Ya
B - BIRTHDAY: May 31st 1994
C - CRUSHING ON: jawa :P
D - DRINK YOU LAST HAD: Coffee
E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: Mom :'(
F - FAVORITE SONG: Summertime!! MCR
G - GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS: yakks.. I choose the "OR" :D
H - HOMETOWN: Pasuruan - Indonesia. so damn HOT!
I - IN LOVE WITH: anything white! white lily is a nice example though.
J - JUGGLE: HAHAHA. :D whatever!
K - KILLED SOMEONE: no! thats beyond me.
L - LONGEST CAR RIDE: 9 boring hours, from Pasuruan to Semarang. -___-
M - MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: Blueberry with vanilla ice cream :P I want it now!!!
N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: Im the only kid :P
O - ONE WISH: Bringing joy to everyone!
P - PERSON YOU CALLED LAST: Granny
R - REASON TO SMILE: Mostly For being near with the boy i like for about two years...
S - SONG YOU LAST SANG: I'm not okay - MCR
T - TIME YOU WOKE UP: normally 5 am. sometimes
U - UNDERWEAR COLOR: OMG, whatever i want!

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Random questions :)

-Full Name: Atika Rosada
-Last Person I texted: my dad
-Who I Tell Everything To: Jawahirul
-Nickname: Tika
-Who I Miss: My mom
-Favorite Color: White and Silver
-Biggest Fear: Darkness
-Confession: I like My Chemical Romance the most!! I like Taylor Swift too, though. LOL :D
-Relationship Status: Single
-the Person i Trust: Jawahirul
-Fav. Song: Summertime, Famous Last Word, The Only Hope For Me is You!!
-What i Hate: Spider
-Crush: -_____-"
-Favorite animal: well i guess.. rabbit
-Birthday: May 31st
-Girl Bestfriend: Luccy!
-Boy Bestfriend: still, Jawahirul :)

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:)

I sent the first one. then i found the second one, his reply, on my laptop few minutes later!