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Emotional Detox Day 7 And Day 8: Facing Another Fear (I Need Your Support, Please Read!!!)

Yesterday I didn’t post because I didn’t have anything to write, but I am still here and I am still continuing on with my emotional detox. I was originally only planning to overcome one fear during this time but today I had to face another one, and I didn’t like it one bit. The fear I had to face was my fear of the dentist, yea I know I am a teenager and I am still afraid of the dentist. But why wouldn’t I be afraid of the dentist? Going to the dentist is horrifying for me because it involves so many of my fear like of course dentists, needles, being handle captive and more, oh and I also don’t like the taste of their gloss. It possible doesn’t help that I have watched Little Shop of Horrors as well. The odd thing is that the dentist always comments on how unhappy and scared I look, but you can’t blame me. They are about to force me into a chair, and force my mouth open and once my mouth is open they are going to scrap, pull, push, prod, flick and stab my teeth and mouth.

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I Was Gifted With An Amazing Dream Last Night. Chapter 9

When Gerard returned he brought eight large pizza boxes with him, there was only five of us, why did we need so many? He clearly noticed the confusion on my face and he had the urge to answer my silent question. “One’s for you and me. I thought that we could have dinner alone tonight, like the guys promised us yesterday, it’s just pizza nothing special but it’s something.” I walked over to him and removed the boxes out of his hand and placed them on the floor. I didn’t dare to place them on the table because of the expensive equipment. I took his hands and kissed him gently “it’s perfect, I told you yesterday as long as we’re together its special. Wait since one is for us why is there still seven more?” I looked down at the pizza boxes.

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Emotional Detox Day 6: The Lights Are On Again (I Need Your Support, Please Read!!!)

I survived, 20 minutes in the dark, I just did it and I survived but I was so scared and I don’t want to go to sleep tonight but I survived. While I spent my 20 minutes facing my fear I kept debating with myself whether to turn the lights back on or not but I didn’t in the end, I last the 20 minutes. When your scare sometimes your breathing speeds up and that was what happened to me, at sometimes I found it hard to breathe at all and I did get a bit light headed close to the end. I kept hearing strange noise but once the lights were back on I realised that the notices were coming from trees outside and my heater, why didn’t I think of that then? It’s actually kind of amazing how much better I now feel because of those terrifying 20 minutes, maybe facing my fear really did help me, does this mean my emotional detox might be over soon, maybe. It was hard to keep track of time while the lights were off I just guessed, my guessing wasn’t that good.

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Emotional Detox Day 6: Alone In The Dark (I Need Your Support, Please Read!!!)

It has come to day six of my emotional detox and sometimes it’s hard and sometimes it’s well no easy but no quite so hard. This next part of my detox is going to be a little bit scary because I am going to face a fear of mine and that fear is of the dark. I am about to turn all the lights off in my room and stay there for 20 minutes, I am also going to turn off my iPod, and laptop, there is going to be no light or sound in my room at all. I am doing this because if I can face a fear I have had for my whole life I will know that I can do anything and face anything, and I will also be able to continue with this detox. The dark is scary to me because it is so empty and the only thing you have in the dark is yourself (it’s the only thing you are sure that’s there) and sometimes yourself is what you are most afraid of. So being in the dark with just you is frightening. Even as I am writing this I am afraid and my hands are actually shaking.

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I Was Gifted With An Amazing Dream Last Night. Chapter 8 (Please Read!!!)

The studio was what I had always thought one would be like. The room where the performer stayed was covered in red with a tint brown. The walls were made of some kind of foam material, which oddly resembled egg cartons glued to the walls. There were random mats with all different patens thrown on the floor; there were no similarities between the mats, apart from the fact that they were all different. In the room there were two guitar plunged in and ready to go and so was a bass guitar, there was several microphones set up. There was one in the centre of the room which was somehow different to all the other ones. I started to realise that the reason why it was so different was because there was more light shining down upon it. In front of the mic was a black metal music stand, it was completely empty. Along with the mat, the microphone leads swerved all around the room like vines growing on the jungle ground.

I have made it this far so and I am going to continue, so here we are on day five. Today I realised something that I loved that I had stopped enjoying for quite a while was still missing, that love is music. Today I saw that I had stopped admiring music and everything that I loved about it. I have spent so much time being sad, angry, confused, hated and because of this I forget about my love that I only rediscovered today. I now know that once this whole detox is over and behind me I know that I way still have music. Music is one of the only things that can’t be stolen from you, you don’t need an iPod, CD player or any form of music player, and you don’t need these things because music is always in your heart. I know that it sounds cheesy but it is true. I still cried today and I had a burst of anger but that was when I realised that music was missing from my life.

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I Was Gifted With An Amazing Dream Last Night. Chapter 7 (Please Read!!!)

I slowly opened my eyes and realised I had only been asleep for half an hour or so. It was morning but the sun was late to rise. Gerard’s arms were wrapped around me comfortably, his embrace made me feel harm and cheerful. I thought that maybe he was still asleep, so I tried not to move as much. “I love you,” I heard Gerard quietly whisper in the dark and I was about to reply when he continued “no you can’t just said it like that, think. Dreamer you are beautiful, kind, talented, smart, caring and I love you. No you can’t say it that way it needs to be special.” Her heart began to ache as I listened to his words, he clearly didn’t know that I was awake. I continued to lie there in his arms considering what I should do, should I just lie there and listen or should I tell him that I was still awake? I thought it over for a few moments and in that time Gerard continued to talk to himself but then he said something that made me make my mind up.

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Emotional Detox Day 4: Confessing My Anger (I Need Your Support, Please Read!!!)

Today is the fourth day of my emotional detox and the first day of my holidays, I have the next two weeks off, and I am going to use those two weeks to hopefully finish my emotional detox. I think the biggest thing that has happened is that my tears have run dry and I haven’t cried for a few hours now, which is a big improvement. I was considering punching the people who originally made me this messed up in the face, but that would make me worse than him, so I suppose I will let him go on black eye less. It’s hard to contain my anger, but I only just realised that containing my anger is the wrong move. After all this is an emotional detox, I need to get rid of it all. So here goes nothing I am going to vent for a couple of lines: He was jerk, a major jerk and he treated me like I am dirt, but not even good dirt. He treated me like the dirt that always gets on your clean nice shoes and then you clean your shoes and then throw dirt in the trash.

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Emotional Detox Day 3: How Can I Stop My Tears? (I Need Your Support, Please Read!!!)

Day three, it feels like it has been going on for longer but no just three days. I am unsure of how long I can keep this up for, maybe it would be alright if I just paused this detox for a few days, but maybe I would just go back to my old ways and in the long run become even more messed up. Okay stopping is a bad idea and I know I shouldn’t but it doesn’t stop this from being hard. Since yesterday’s breakthrough I have been listening to sad songs to try to make myself cry, I need to let out all the sadness (if you know any sad songs please tell me). I am trying my best but it sucks. Sometimes my chest hurts because of all the crying and sobbing, but I need to keep going because I need to get over this stage in my life. In a few days I think I will have cried everything out but I can’t pause this for a while, why did I even think of that.

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Emotional Detox Day 2: Waiting For The Pain To Stop (I Need Your Support, Please Read!!!)

So it’s the second day of my detox and I am finding it hard but I will still continue, I shall not give into the pain. Last night I found myself in a hard state of mind and I almost got lost in it again. After yesterday’s post I have let out all those horrible emotions and they thankfully haven’t found their way back to me. Anyway I found myself last night getting carried away in my emotions again and I spent what felt like hours crying and hoping for the pain to stop, but the damage in my heart can’t disappear that quickly. It was only when I put my headphone in the pain weakened its hold on me and I felt almost good. This came as a surprise to me because I had gone on so long without feeling a real smile on my face and last night I did. It was a little one but it was a smile, a sign that showed that there is still a tiny shred of happiness inside of me.