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Wow, so I haven't posted anything in ages.
My life has been a bit less crazy this year and at the same time it was a bit of an emotional rollercoaster.
I finally became really good friends with my crush. It got to the point where I actually enjoyed life so, so much, because he had become such a constant presence in it.
But we have sort of gone our separate ways; I'm already doing my internship and he still had a few classes to take. So basically, I don't see him anymore.
And to top it all off, my so called "best friend" made out with him.
I'm not saying I had a chance at anything with him, or that he was ever mine, but still, she knew how I felt, she knew everything. And not only did she make out with him, she went out with him and honestly I have no idea what else happened or might have happened.

The mind really is so powerful

These last two months have been so magical to me T_T
I got the amazing chance to get along like never before with my biggest crush ever (I've liked him for a damn year already -_-)
He is so amazing and so impossibly and endlessly fascinating :(
I wish he could see me as more than a friend that helped him pass a class.
But that's never gonna happen. But it doesn't matter.
His friendship is more than I could ever ask for.

I've made it my goal to stop being so critical of myself and to stop bringing myself down for how I look.
I have legitimately come to accept myself and I'm almost starting to


It's strange and also very, very stupid how idiotic a crush makes you feel...
I also find it fascinating.
I also find him fascinating.
It's embarrassing to admit how handsome I find him.
I saw him yesterday, and I just burn inside when I think of how beautiful all of his features are in order to work together to make him look so handsome.
His smile, so flawless and dashing. His nose, so softly yet firmly carved. His eyes...framed by the most beautiful lashes I have ever seen on a boy... and the eyes themselves, so dark, like an abyss, and abyss I want to stare into for several eternities...

If I could just...

We were alone in the back seat. I told him I was cold. He inched toward me and embraced me, transferred his warmth to me.
I was so nervous. But he was so oblivious. We just kept talking while my heart was pounding so hard it might burst through my chest. I didn't want to let go.
We broke off the embrace before someone would come and catch us, because up to a point, it was something forbidden.
I really didn't want to let go. I wish I could feel his warmth like that forever.
When I bid him goodbye, I'm not sure if it was my imagination, but our lips came dangerously close to brushing against

Ugh so silly

I know this is silly but I just need to get it off my chest because I feel it's so silly that I can't really tapk to my friends about it because they'll judge me.
At the beginning of the year I met this guy who I was classmates with, and at first I didn't mind him much, he just stood out because I was among a crowd of new, unfriendly people that I didn't know, and he was the first and only one to cime up to me and introduce himself and say "It's nice to meet you."
Everything changed on the day he told me he is also a vegetarian. This made me respect him so much and it intrigued me.

I miss them.

It's so weird, living without MCR together.
I know they're all still alive and well, but everything still feels so surreal and it almost makes me feel like they passed away. On Wednesday, May 22nd, I wore one of my MCR shirts without giving it much thought, until some classmates were asking me about it and then I remembered that that day, 2 months before, they had announced their breakup.
It's a void in my heart that will never be filled again.
I feel like every important moment in my life only comes to tear away bits and pieces of my heart and then leaves with them, leaving me broken and


Why did you have to go? I really believed we could be together, happily. I really thought you felt the same way I did.
I thought you would be in my life forever. I never expected you to disappear.
But then you left. Left me shattered, left me in the ground, left me to die.
I thought you cared; I thought it hurt you to leave. But you didn’t care. You left me behind.
You decided to forget about me.
Am I that expendable?
I like to believe that you hurt at some point, even if just for a small amount of time; though surely not as much as I have suffered throughout these years.
I want to scream.

Time doesn't care...

It pains me so much to know that I am meaningless to him.
He was the light of my life; he came to mean everything to me.
And just like that, he was gone...
I mourned his absence every single day, still clinging to the feeble hope that he would soon return and I would tell him how I felt and then everything would be okay...
but it never happened.
He did return, but he didn't care. He didn't care for me; didn't care about how much he meant to me.
He had given me my life back...and then he took it away from me.
It has been years; I thought I had healed with the passing of time...but it's just a


I just got home from the show in Atlanta. BEST. NIGHT. OF. MY. LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was amazing!
The opening band, Matt & Kim was pretty badass too!
And then when MCR came on, WHOAAA!
I was shaking so baddddd!!!!!!!!!!
When they performed Helena and later on Cancer, I cried.
I can't believe my dream finally came true.
I've wanted this for five years ♥

My Chem, I owe you everything...
Can't wait for the next time you come!
Just youuu and me, no Blink 182 :)
Not that I hate Blink, I'm just not crazy about them
I'm all about MCR.
Omg I still can't believe that I actually got to see them!!


I'd just like to know if any fellow Kill Joys are gonna be going and are interested in meeting up :D
I moved here quite recently and haven't met too many people and so I'm going alone :(
It would be nice to meet someone who loves MCR as much as I do; this has been a dream of mine for about five years!
Please respond :D