Cyanide Flame's blog

Please don't hurt yourself over My Chemical Romance's break up.
If you do, you're missing the point they spent 11 years making.
They are still here, they may not be making music anymore or play shows, but I bet my ass they still care about every single one of us.
The music, their legacy, is still here.
It's sad, of course, I am very sad, too. But it's not worth your physical pain.
If you ever feel sad just listen to their music or watch their videos, especially this one.
Don't despair and don't do this to yourself. They wouldn't want this.
If you ever need to talk to somebody, I am here.
Love,
Justine

So what now... this is over?
All of this? I can't believe it.
This is so unfair. I have never seen them live. Not ever. I was so looking forward to MCR 5.
I'm crying right now, I don't want it to be over.
I want them to be a band again, I want to listen to their music and have good feelings.
They helped me through a hard time in my life and they were one of few people I always looked up to.
I just can't get it into my head why they would do this to us.
We are their fans and I'm sure they love us, so why do they let it end like that?
They saved so many lives.
Why aren't they saying anything?
I can't fucking do this.
Please, Gerard, Ray, Frank and Mikey, tell us SOMETHING.
Frank always writes novels on here, so why not now?
:(((
i miss you.

i feel so stupid seriously, i have this crush on my classmate and he has a girlfriend and we were like friends, idk, he sometimes lay his head on my shoulder and laughed at my jokes and talked to me and asked me things and we walked to the bus stop together or sat next to each other in the bus and laughed at stupid people.

but now he won’t even smile at me and when I’m trying to be funny he just stares at me blankly and it makes me really uncomfortable, i’m really worried because what if he thinks i’m stupid now

i should just stop looking at him or talking to him unless he asks me something because I really feel like i annoy him

Last year I changed to another school. There is this guy (he’s like 3 years older than me maybe) I never really talked to, but whom I’ve always genuinely respected, because he has his own opinion on things and he isn’t afraid to tell everyone. He is different, he actually uses his brain and thinks about serious topics and he’s not like “omfg party sex yeah fuck everything I’m cool”. He likes to read and he loves music (he’s a DJ and he was in a rock band once).
I never talked to him because I was, kind of, scared of him. I don’t mean that he’s scary but I never dared to open my mouth and talk in front of him, because I feared he doesn’t agree with what I have to say. But I loved listening to him when he was argumenting in lessons.
He had his friends who he hang out with in the breaks to smoke but he was always independent.
I never really felt anything for him except huge respect.

Today in kindergarten I was in my group with two 2 year old girls when suddenly something loudly bumped into the window. At first I thought someone threw a shoe at the window but when I looked outside and saw a little birdie lying on the ground :(
I went to my guide and told her about it, but she said I should throw it in the trash bin -.-
I went back to te bird and I saw a puddle of blood under it’s head and that it was dead so I wanted to take the two girls and bury the bird in the garden but my guide said it wasn’t a good idea…
I wanted to bury the bird anyway so I took it with me and dug a hole and buried the bird in the garden but when I was finished my coworker came outside and said “you didn’t really bury the bird?! He belongs in the trash bin…” But when my other guide came out she told me that she finds it good that I buried the bird and that she couldn’t do that (she’s vegetarian)… At least one who appreciates the life of an animal…

True story

When I was a child my parents as always forced me to go to church with them.
The pastor told us a story about the devil and people who like lined up at the gates of hell. The devil had to chose one of them to take with him to the pit of hell so he questioned everyone about their sins. The line was full of murderers, rapists and all the other kinds of criminals.
Then the devil questioned one man who claimed to be completely innocent like he has never done anything.
The devil asked him “What are your sins?”
The man replied “I’m not a sinner, I have never done anything! I saw people get murdered and beaten up, I saw children being abused on the streets, but I have never done anything.”
The devil asked again, sceptically “You did not do anything?”
And the man replied proudly “Never.”
Then the devil sighed and waved the man nearer “You’re coming with me to hell”

And I was like “wow Satan rules, why does everyone hate him? he’s a really nice guy”

Thank you, church

Last year in October she had to move to another town which is half an hour away from my town. It was all really sad and her friend whom she knows for 13 years, so basically all her life, was organising a wonderful goodbye-party for her, all her friends were invited and it was really cute.
She promised us that whenever she planned going to our town she would tell us immediately so we could meet.
She had found new friends in her area but we still managed to keep in touch and to meet, even though it sometimes seemed that she didn’t do her best to make the meetings happen which was really annoying.
Before the summerholidays she promised us we would meet often but she would hardly find time for us. I met her once, my other best friend did not see her at all.
This was the time when she started being really uninterested in our friendship and she never called nor texted me nor came online so we could talk.

my father said I won’t get anything for my 18th birthday and they won’t support me when doing my driver’s licence because I vehemently refused attending the confirmation
you know what
I don’t want anything from someone who chooses church over their own daughter
fucking bastard

Okay so today I told my mum that my best friend is in hospital and I wanted to visit her if she stayed there longer.
My mum was like “oh it’s so nice visiting a friend in hospital. Olivia is such a kind girl.”
I said “Yes, she is. But Rebecca (my other best friend) isn’t?”

I asked her that because a few weeks earlier she told me that I don’t want to go to church anymore because she has a bad influence on me. We had an argument then…

My mum said “Well, not like Olivia. Sometimes Rebecca has this tone when she’s talking about things…”

Me: “Oh, how do you know?”

My mum: “I heard her.”

Me: “Is this the reason you said she has a bad influence on me?”

My mum: “Sometimes I think she has.”

Me: “Do you really think I’m SO easily led?”

My mum: “Oh, no!”

Me (aping her): “Oh no, OF COURSE NOT!“

It's nothing special though.
I just really really love Nirvana :)
And this song.