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CrashMaladroit's picture

How the Hell do you even work this site?

So it's been like, a million years since I've even posted on this site. My obsessions come and go, and unfortunately, MCR went away for a while in my life. However, I'm starting to slowly get back into realize how much they meant to me, and how much they did for me. Thus, I logged back in here.
I gotta say, seeing my old bio made me really depressed. I didn't realize exactly how much me fucking up and failing out of my major has affected me. I now have no direction, no plan, and no clue as to where to start.
I don't even know if I am happier than I was, sadder, or the same.
I just feel so old. I know I am only 21, but when you look back at the past 6 years of my life. I was so sure. I was so innocent. I had a plan, and I followed through. I don't know, the last two years have been rocky for me.
On the plus side, I am in London.
Here are some images of that experience for me.

CrashMaladroit's picture

How the Hell do you even work this site?

So it's been like, a million years since I've even posted on this site. My obsessions come and go, and unfortunately, MCR went away for a while in my life. However, I'm starting to slowly get back into realize how much they meant to me, and how much they did for me. Thus, I logged back in here.
I gotta say, seeing my old bio made me really depressed. I didn't realize exactly how much me fucking up and failing out of my major has affected me. I now have no direction, no plan, and no clue as to where to start.
I don't even know if I am happier than I was, sadder, or the same.
I just feel so old. I know I am only 21, but when you look back at the past 6 years of my life. I was so sure. I was so innocent. I had a plan, and I followed through. I don't know, the last two years have been rocky for me.
On the plus side, I am in London.
Here are some images of that experience for me.

CrashMaladroit's picture

Bah... *shutter sound*

If I type everything I feel like saying it would take up the entire blog page, so I will make myself as brief as possible.

For the past few months until now I had felt incomplete. I felt like I was not happy, and not doing what makes me happy. I have had a hunger for something I just couldn't place. I tried changing my life. I dyed my hair, since last time I felt like that it worked, but I still felt empty. I distanced myself from my shitty friends and starting hanging out with people that cared about me, but that was more of an instant gratification that left a stronger hunger after. I even contemplated taking a leave of absence from college and just traveling around the country, but I felt that would be bad.

The emptiness grew until I felt more like a shell. Like the person I am in front of my friends wasn't the real me, and the real me was shrinking and dieing inside this fake one. While listening to my "DUDE WTF??" playlist (consisting of MCR of course, P!nk, Slipknot, and all the music I like) I realized that I knew I wasn't being me, because the real me took photos. The real me laughed about nothing at all. The real me jumps and sings along to music not caring who is listening. The real me does things that are socially awkward to get a reaction. The real me-well, you get the point.

CrashMaladroit's picture

Duuuuuh

I've been trying to come up with a KillJoy right?

I've tried thinking of names to do with my nickname Crash

I've thought of

Crash Cyanide (Too cliché)
Crash King (Sounds like a video game)
Crash Queen (I don't wanna be a queen T-T)
Crash Laserbeam (No. Just... No.)
Crash Apocalypse (Da hell was I thinking?)

The list goes on..

Then I had a light bulb V8 Duuuuh moment...

JUST USE MY NICKNAME

So... What does the MCRmy think of Crash the Maladroit?

Reason for the nickname, everytime I fall or do something klutzy, my dad goes "dun dun dun DUUUN CRASH THE MALADROIT STRIKES AGAIN! LOOK OUT FOR YOUR ARCH NEMESIS CAPTAIN GRACEFUL!"

So yeah... what do you all think?

Drawings of my costume idea up soon.

Yours truley,

Crash the Maladroit

CrashMaladroit's picture

List of unhealthy thoughts.

This is the only place I could think of posting this without hearing shit from my friends and family...

Thoughts I should stop thinking for my health but can't help but worry about them:

Thoughts on the looking glass:
I'm fat
I'm ugly
I'm a failure
I'm stupid
I will never amount to anything
I am violent and intimidating
I am unlovable
I am untouchable
I am someone to be pitied

Thoughts on the outside:
This country is going to shit
Capitolism has made this country greedy and poor
Ignorant people do not see what is really wrong with the country
Media is causing me to think of drastic ways to look like their expectation that I know if I try might be the end of me
Media is overly-biased
The Power-Elite are what caused this country to go to Hell

Thoughts on the social group:
I don't fit into my own social group
I have no class
I do not fit into the stereotypical gender role
I do not fit into the feministic gender role
I am a status-quo deviant

CrashMaladroit's picture

List of unhealthy thoughts.

This is the only place I could think of posting this without hearing shit from my friends and family...

Thoughts I should stop thinking for my health but can't help but worry about them:

Thoughts on the looking glass:
I'm fat
I'm ugly
I'm a failure
I'm stupid
I will never amount to anything
I am violent and intimidating
I am unlovable
I am untouchable
I am someone to be pitied

Thoughts on the outside:
This country is going to shit
Capitolism has made this country greedy and poor
Ignorant people do not see what is really wrong with the country
Media is causing me to think of drastic ways to look like their expectation that I know if I try might be the end of me
Media is overly-biased
The Power-Elite are what caused this country to go to Hell

Thoughts on the social group:
I don't fit into my own social group
I have no class
I do not fit into the stereotypical gender role
I do not fit into the feministic gender role
I am a status-quo deviant

CrashMaladroit's picture

Kill Joy Name

I've been thinking about it... What does everyone think about Crash Cyanide?

CrashMaladroit's picture

Feels Confused....

Did my couple weeks offline make me miss something about Kill Joy names that I need to know??? I feel so left out and sad :'(

May someone please fill me in?

CrashMaladroit's picture

Very Surpirsed.

Okay, I'm not gonna lie. My taste in music drastically changed, and waiting so long for a new album, I stopped listening to My Chemical Romance for a while, but when I heard their new song, I realized that there style changed to what I like to listen to.

It's seriously as if they changed just to fit my personal music style.

I'm now psyched. I can't wait to hear the rest of the album and can't stop listening to Na Na Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na Na etc) (idk how many Na's).

But yeah... I thought this blog best fitted on my profile here, since no one on my D.A. cares D=