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Anti emo

Hey guys. Had a shitty day. Cryed a ton. But I don't want to talk about that. I wanna talk about stereotypes. I am not your typical emo. I'm an anti-emo emo. Idk about you guys but the words I use to describe myself and my style are pretty much just the musical genres I listen to with a few other thing mixed into my Z soup. I'd say I'm an emo, punk, hardcore trans* queer kid, if I wanted you to really get my teen labels. But I'm not what you expect. I don't fit the steryotyope of emo, punk, trans, whatever.

sunday update

Hey guys
i havent posted in a lil while. stayed with my friends for the weekend. I've been up for three hours but she's still asleep. a lot of my friends are in rough situations now. I want to help, but it's hard cause i'm having such a hard time too. had to call a crisis line again last night. i thought i was sufficating, i was freaking out. i thought i'd never stop wanting bad things and i'd never get bettter and i was panicing so much. mom said i should probably go to the ER but i really didn't want to.... i feel like a bitch and a shitty friend because i'm not in a place to help others.

we built a world

we're just so cool and thorough, I feel like we've built not just a community but a whole WORLD. we have culture (art, music, literature, created an appearance appearance). we have society (sites like this, mating calls liek spread the pinky, trust, support, community, bases where we can find each other like this site). I feel like we have built so much, and we built so much on our own, without the bad even helping. the mcrmy is so developed and so kind and so loving and creative.

CBAT

SO remember how I mentioned going to a day hospital and then getting discharged after a day cause it didn't work? well now we're talking about going to a CBAT (community based acute treatment). a CBAT is:

an intensive, short-term acute residential unit for children and adolescents experiencing behavioral and emotional difficulties. Often, the CBAT program is used as a diversion to an inpatient hospitalization. Treatment and stabilization is provided in a structured setting.

discharged from day program

discharged from my day hospital. i need something more intense. and i hate group therapy. i can;t go back to school for the rest of the week since my in school clinician is out this week. but of corse i'm not allowed to be home alone, so i'm in my dad's office till later. i'm just so frustrated and emotionally unstable and tiered i keep crying and i hate it i just want to sleeo and feel ok.
xoxoZ

it's not a baby, it's a maybe

3 weeks till the symptoms
2 weeks till the test
24 weeks is the deadline
to do what I know is best
this is the potential consequence
for having unprotected sex
----------------------------------------------------
i'm so scared
this morning when i woke up i had to go to the bathroom, I thought I was gonna puke. Symptoms don't start for 3 weeks but I feel like that's not a good sign to feel this nauseous the morning after. and after missing the pill on one or two days....but i need to stop worrying. it's too soon to worry. and in the words of Eve Ensler, "it's not a baby, it's a maybe"

get to know you/creepy websites

Hey guys! First off I wanted to thank Pinkish Madness and Grcmeise for replying to my blog in morse code! Seeing you guys go along with my use of morse code really lighted up a bad day. I think I might use morse code in the future if the subject could be upsetting, so that people don't read something they don't want to read by mistake. I'll still follow the site's guidelines though, don't worry :)
I really want to get to know all of you more.

mcr IS emo

I love listening to people diss/argue about mcr, its funny haha
"MCR isnt Punk. MCR is rich Emo kid music."
"MCR "IS" Emo."
"Your talking bout the Emo way back in the day. Its all s**t now. "

.--. --- --- .--.

learned how to write in morse code. here's a translator in the comments. have fun.

.... . -.-- / --. ..- -.-- ... / -... . - / -.-- --- ..- / -.. .. -.. -. - / -.- -. --- .-- / .. ...- . / .-.. . .- .-. -. . -.. / -- --- .-. ... . / -.-. --- -.. . / .. / .-- .- -. - . -.. / - --- / - .... .- -. -.- / .- .-.. .-.. / --- ..-. / -.-- --- ..- / --. ..- -.-- ... / ..-. --- .-. / . -..- ... .. ... - .. -. --. / .- -. -.. / .- .-.. .-- .- -.-- ... / -- .- -.- .. -. --. / -- . / ..-. . . .-../ .-.. .. .-. . / .- / --. --- --- -.. / .--. . .-. ... --- -. / -.-- --- ..- / .- .-.. .-- .- -.-- ... / .-..

going to day hospital

THey're gonna send me to a partial program aka day program, day hospital,PHP (partial hospital program). I think it's gonna be the wayside one. wayside is the most ghetto treatment center. i don't want to go, i'm nearly 2 years out of treatment but i'm so fucking mad at myself for feeling urges to do this i know i need help
at least i'm not going back to the actual hospital
i'm scared.
i'm in a constant panic and rage at myself and depression
leaving school at lunch. again.
all the stuff i wanna say i can't say on this site so use your imagination if you want
i just need help, hugs and

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