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It's Gone!

You guys may have seen BrokenUp's post. I want to tell you what she was talking about.
So, I was sad. Like usual. Moping about. BrokenUp has been telling me for a while that I should get rid of my blade. I've always been very nervous about this.
But this one night, I was really lost and exhausted. And I didn't know what to do. So BrokenUp told me again to rid myself of my little demon. She told me of a YouTuber who allows people to send him their demons. So I sent him mind. It's officially GONE
FInally, I feel relief :)
xoxo
- Z

"You're Not Alone"

Have you guys herd the song "You're Not Alone" by Of Mice & Men? I just got it and been listening to in practically non stop. It speaks to me, "When your reflection in the mirror smiles back it lies, you know it." Then the lyrics are "Don't let the world bring you down" and "Will you keep moving on, or be forced to lose" it reminds me that it doesn't have to be bad, but I also feel like I don't have a choice. I can't help it.

I CAN"T FUCKING GO

I can't go to school. I can't, I just can't. It's not even because it's valentines day. I'm just not up for it, the stress, the doing work. The risk of feeling good. I don't want to feel good today, I don't deserve it and I don't want it. Can I please just live in a hole where I just isolate forever? I CAN'T DO IT!!!! Let me go, I don't want to get better right now.It's pointless, I'll just end up down again anyways.
- Z

I CAN"T FUCKING GO

I can't go to school. I can't, I just can't. It's not even because it's valentines day. I'm just not up for it, the stress, the doing work. The risk of feeling good. I don't want to feel good today, I don't deserve it and I don't want it. Can I please just live in a hole where I just isolate forever? I CAN'T DO IT!!!! Let me go, I don't want to get better right now.It's pointless, I'll just end up down again anyways.
- Z

I don't wanna fall in love

that's a great green day song. I just don't want to get caught up in all the complicated bull shit that comes with a relationship. Yet, I find myself in one. I wish I wasn't , but I don't want to hurt her... also I feel like I owe it to her after I sent her all these mixed signals. I don't know what to do anymore.
- Z

Feeling a little better.

I'm sitting in a study with my friend Katie, and I'm feeling less anxious, a little better. I'm not 100% at the moment, but I doubt that day will ever come and there's nothing wrong with that.
Inbox me any time
xoxo
- Z

I Want To Be Alone

I don't like people today. I just want to be alone and isolate. Can't stand social anxiety. I'm at school, and I don't have a hood so I can't curl up :(
- Z

Well. Here I am, at school.

And it sucks.
It's more than I don't want to be here at this point, more than just not liking school. It's knowing that I could be doing something better and more productive. I've always been really into activism. REALLY into activism. I want to change something that's wrong, it's what I need to do. But I can't do anything locked up in a fucking brick box all day! One minuet I'll be in a rage at school for limiting me and the next I'll be depressed because I want to help the world.

Can't take it

I can't take it right now, I was in algebra but I just can't do it! My mind is all over the place, cramps fucking kill. I know I should be using skills to make myself feel better, like I learned in the partial hospitalization program, but it's much easier said than done I really don't think this school is right for me, maybe if I don't go tomorrow it'll help. I feel like such an outsider here. I have friends but they just don't seem to get what I'm going through.

First day back

I'm back at school. After 21 school days absent, I'm back. And shit, I am wicked nervous. I just wanna get out of this fucking place nothing matters anyways. I don't wanna....
- Z

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