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Sorry for all the posts, I just need to get this out

I'm okay. But at the same time, I'm not.
I feel like I'm honestly happy, but I also feel like I'm not.
It's like something is bubbling inside of me, waiting to explode.
What's wrong with being sad? WHat's wrong with being depressed? Whats wrong with being broken? I can't hurt myself anymore. Got ride of my tools. So why do people want to fix me? Sure, I don't like feeling this way, but I don't like feeling any way really, because all that I feel, it feels fake. And I don't want help right now because I don't need help right now. I'm not fine and that's okay.
there's so much fucking wrong with

Job Didn't work out

there were too many people, the work was too stressful, and my work permit says I can only work till 7 but they need me till 8. So it's not working out anymore :/
xoxo
- Z

Got A Job

I've never had a job before, but Green Leaf Café (the vegan/vegetarian restaurant) just hired me to bus tables. I'm working today, tomorrow, saturday and sunday. but today and friday are training sessions. I hope it works out. :)
xoxo
-Z

Haven't Posted In A While

Hey guys,
Sorry I haven't been online in awhile. To be honest, not much has been going on. My mood's been stable (Yay lithium!) Schools been fine enough, and my album is going well.
It's sad, all the people who were posting when I started on this site, a year ago from tomorrow, don't post here anymore. I'm glad that new people are coming on though, it shows that the MCRmy is still alive, and still expanding.
Hopefully I'll post soon, hope you are all doing well!
xoxo
- Z

dun dun DUN

I've been doing GREAT for the past couple weeks, and been taking advantage of that by being ectra creative. But I've been sleeping a ton more so my psychiatrist and my therapist both said that that probably means I'm gonna hit a low soon, and should prepare. I made 3 safety plans that should help me get through. I also want to make a safety box of things that help me get through. I already have knitting, lotion and bubble bath. Any suggestions?
xoxo
- Z

When Life Shits On You...

So many people seem down today on here. I'm gonna tell you now that things DO get better and you're not alone. I promise. Life likes put the strong ones through a lot. But life won't do this to you forever, you have done NOTHING wrong to deserve this, You are all beautiful and thank you so so so much for sticking through, for staying strong.
"Everything's gonna be alright in the end, if it's not alright then it's not the end."
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
- Z

Therapy

I have to sing therapy for my school rock band and i'm really nervous because although I love singing this song I can't sing in front of people well, so i'm screwed.
xoxo
-Z

Mood Has Been Good :)

I have great new guys! I haven't been really super sad since monday. That's THREE WHOLE DAYS!!! There haven't even been any intense urges in this time. Right now, I'm taking advantage of the fact that I'm in a much better place and doing things that make me as happy as possible.
However, I can't help but worry. Being bipolar, my mood could change at any point. Hopefully it will take it's time switching, as I'm enjoying feeling good. It enables me to be more productive, have more fun, and I can look in the mirror occasionally.

I met someone

hey guys,
so last night I went to WAGLY (a big gay straight alliance for youth in the area). The drag queen, Juju Bee was there and it was fun. I saw a girl with purple hair. my first thought was that she's really cute, but looks too cool for me, with her band jacket (i couldn't tell what band it was) and bondage legging-pants. I introduced myself to her anyways. She said her name was _____. She seemed nice, and it turned out that she was a very good friend of mine's neighbor. So when we sat down for introductions, she complimented my "i'm not okay" button.

Update

I'm lonely. Feel like I whine about life all the time, every time people talk to me it seems like I'm still whining about absolutely everything. I need to stop being so self absorbed.
Also, I feel lonely. not friend wise, but in terms of romance. I feel in love once. over a year ago! I wish there was someone near me who liked mcr and bands and was cute and i don't care if she's femme or butch or something in between i just wish i had a girlfriend. I want to feel loved. But the thing is, i don't want to look for a relationship because that never goes over well.

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