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chpeverill-conti's blog

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dun dun DUN

I've been doing GREAT for the past couple weeks, and been taking advantage of that by being ectra creative. But I've been sleeping a ton more so my psychiatrist and my therapist both said that that probably means I'm gonna hit a low soon, and should prepare. I made 3 safety plans that should help me get through. I also want to make a safety box of things that help me get through. I already have knitting, lotion and bubble bath. Any suggestions?
xoxo
- Z

When Life Shits On You...

So many people seem down today on here. I'm gonna tell you now that things DO get better and you're not alone. I promise. Life likes put the strong ones through a lot. But life won't do this to you forever, you have done NOTHING wrong to deserve this, You are all beautiful and thank you so so so much for sticking through, for staying strong.
"Everything's gonna be alright in the end, if it's not alright then it's not the end."
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
- Z

Therapy

I have to sing therapy for my school rock band and i'm really nervous because although I love singing this song I can't sing in front of people well, so i'm screwed.
xoxo
-Z

Mood Has Been Good :)

I have great new guys! I haven't been really super sad since monday. That's THREE WHOLE DAYS!!! There haven't even been any intense urges in this time. Right now, I'm taking advantage of the fact that I'm in a much better place and doing things that make me as happy as possible.
However, I can't help but worry. Being bipolar, my mood could change at any point. Hopefully it will take it's time switching, as I'm enjoying feeling good. It enables me to be more productive, have more fun, and I can look in the mirror occasionally.

I met someone

hey guys,
so last night I went to WAGLY (a big gay straight alliance for youth in the area). The drag queen, Juju Bee was there and it was fun. I saw a girl with purple hair. my first thought was that she's really cute, but looks too cool for me, with her band jacket (i couldn't tell what band it was) and bondage legging-pants. I introduced myself to her anyways. She said her name was _____. She seemed nice, and it turned out that she was a very good friend of mine's neighbor. So when we sat down for introductions, she complimented my "i'm not okay" button.

Update

I'm lonely. Feel like I whine about life all the time, every time people talk to me it seems like I'm still whining about absolutely everything. I need to stop being so self absorbed.
Also, I feel lonely. not friend wise, but in terms of romance. I feel in love once. over a year ago! I wish there was someone near me who liked mcr and bands and was cute and i don't care if she's femme or butch or something in between i just wish i had a girlfriend. I want to feel loved. But the thing is, i don't want to look for a relationship because that never goes over well.

my tumblr

follow me, i'll follow you :)
http://zzombieyum.tumblr.com/
- Z

Anxiety

I smile.
Anxiety.
I speak.
Anxiety.
I exist.
Anxiety.
I make a noise.
Anxiety.
I go to school.
ANXIETY
Somebody makes a noise.
Anxiety.
I say something dumb,
I look in the mirror,
Loud noises.
Anxiety
Anxiety
Anxiety
-----------------------------------------------
When I woke up this morning, I couldn't get up because I would have to go to school. I haven't really eaten much in the past few days, so that might be part of it. I just really DON'T wanna be here. My mom's at work, so she can't pick me up. School isn't productive anymore. I don't see my friends anymore.

It's Gone!

You guys may have seen BrokenUp's post. I want to tell you what she was talking about.
So, I was sad. Like usual. Moping about. BrokenUp has been telling me for a while that I should get rid of my blade. I've always been very nervous about this.
But this one night, I was really lost and exhausted. And I didn't know what to do. So BrokenUp told me again to rid myself of my little demon. She told me of a YouTuber who allows people to send him their demons. So I sent him mind. It's officially GONE
FInally, I feel relief :)
xoxo
- Z

"You're Not Alone"

Have you guys herd the song "You're Not Alone" by Of Mice & Men? I just got it and been listening to in practically non stop. It speaks to me, "When your reflection in the mirror smiles back it lies, you know it." Then the lyrics are "Don't let the world bring you down" and "Will you keep moving on, or be forced to lose" it reminds me that it doesn't have to be bad, but I also feel like I don't have a choice. I can't help it.

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