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Here's something else I wrote in poetry class. I like it a lot. The poem is about J.... again. Called "Adolescence" Constructive criticism would be great :)
13 years old
So free and new
To let you into my life
Sweet girl
Lovers her music
I love her touch
What's wrong
You're crashing down
Stop hurting yourself
Passing old habits onto me
Is your home wrong
Or are you
This Barbie house
Is Full of pain
Couldn't stay mad at you
That fight dissolves to pleasure
The best Halloween of my life
Broken up
You're falling apart
The Black Parade isn't your saviour anymore
Will you ever find a home
Life is a nightmare in a heart that can't be healed
A FaceBook message
Instant terror
Why is she telling me all of this
A chelsea smile
Sent me down your road
I can't forget you
After the damage you did
The impact you left

Memorized Look alive sunshine?

Just wrote out "Look Alive Sunshine" to the best of my ability from memory. My attempt:

Look alive sunshine, one o nine but the pigs won't quit. You're here with me, dr death defy. I'll be your proctor, your helicopter. Pumping out the slaughtermatic sounds to keep you live. A system for the masses, empty metal for the master plan. Louder than god's revolver and twice as shiny. This one's for all you rock n rollers, all you crash queens and motorbabies. LISTEN UP the future is bulletproof, the aftermath is secondary. Killjoys! Make some noise!

How'd I do? Here's how AZ lyrics depicts it:


Just got back from the mall. I went with my friend, Alex, from band. He has an account on here too now, just hasn't posted yet. Anyways, it was a good time. But I was so anxious through all of it. I tend to get anxious from the mall or new people, but people don't get it that it's so embarrassing. When I'm anxious, I tend to get a tremor that I can't control. I bite my hands until I leave marks. I fidget. I hit myself. I wring my hands. I pull on other people. I scratch. I hit and scratch my back. It's pretty clear something's wrong. And the DUMBEST things trigger me. If I feel like something is taking too long and could be annoying the other person (things like getting a soda out of a machine). Saying something that's the wrong thing. Looking at someone. Feeling awkward. Everything.

National Coming out day

most people are very much aware of my identity. I posted about it on FaceBook for national coming out day. Some of you aren't friends with me on FaceBook (message me your FaceBook name if you want to be friends on there!) but here it is so you can still read it:

Can't stop thinking

I feel pathetic. He won't leave my head. EVER. In poetry class. I'm pathetic cause I'm always talking, thinking about him. Looking for him. Looking for some trace of what was. I still have all the letters. The bracelet. The drawings. The memories. You all must be sick of my ranting on him. If it makes it any better, I'm probably even more sick and tired of it than you. And the worst part, is I don't really know why he seems to hold such significance. He taught me some bad habits that ended me up in the hospital a few times and all that. But, as he changed is name a lot, I don't know what he goes by now? Al? J? Bert? Brett? Ben? Or all the way back to Alysa? Is he a girl? A boy? In between? Neither? Who Know? Who cares? I wish I didn't.
- Z

please help me figure this shit out

Hey guys :D
First of all, I'm sorry for not posting a lot recently. My most recent post was actually 4 days ago, so not that long. But I still feel like I haven't been around as much :(
I have a problem, and I have good news. I'll give the good news first:
20 days till she gets here :) I can't wait! Can't help counting the days :D See you soon!!
The not so great thing is a bit complicated. I feel bad/embarrassed it's even an issue. I hate when relationships become complicated. I hate when it hurts when nothing even happened. It makes me feel weak. I hate what a romantic I am, because I wish I was stronger than that. But I'll tell you guys what's happened, you all could give me some input or advice if you want...

24 days

24 days. 526 hours. That doesn't sound too long, not with how long it's been for us. You know it's nearly been a year? October 8, I can't remember if you left a comment or I sent a message, but something happened. And I can't thank you enough for being in my life. You're always there for me, and I hope you know how much you mean to me. How much I love you. I have no idea where I'd be if I haven't met my shining star. We sound like one of those couples most of the time haha :) but I like us as friends so much. Everyone always asks if I'm into you when I tell them about you. No, I'm not into you. I would NEVER risk our friendship like that. It's worth so much more than that.
I can't believe I'm going to see you. It's so surreal. I'm going to hug you. I'm going to see you in the flesh. It's a dream... But in 24 days, I'll wake up. It won't be a dream. You'll be with me. And, straightjacket, I just can't wait.
- Z

A Ballad For Beulah

Hello beautiful Killjoys!!
Not too much has been going on for me, I've actually been doing pretty well for once! Feels weird though, like something's gonna come crashing down any second and wreck me.... So far so good, though.
Are there any Green Day fans on here? I found this fanfic a year or 2 ago, and it's REALLY REALY good. It's called A Ballad For Beulah, and it's on Mibba. Here's the link:
It's pretty long. Like 48 good sized chapters long. But it's really worth the read. It starts with Beulah as a child, where tragedy struck at a young age and left her and her many siblings to be looked after by the oldest sibling in the house. One day, on of Beulah's siblings takes her to his friend's band, Green Day's show. She instantly falls for Billie Joe, despite the major age difference. As she grows, her attraction in Billie Joe stays.... Lots of surprises!

MCR Fandom

Yesterday was my friend's birthday party. She had a sleepover, but I couldn't stay over night cause I had school today and they didn't. Anyways Katie was shuffling around my iPod, and a lot of My Chem was coming on. She's mainly in the Panic! bandom. We were talking about the AP music awards, and how BVB won most dedicated fandom and MCR should have won it. Black Veil Brides do have a pretty intense fandom, but you don't stay in there for long, you know? For maybe a year. I know that there are some real, actual BVB fans. But I was one of these kids too, who are in there scene phase or just listening to "starter bands" (PTV, SWS, not necessarily 'bad' bands, but the ones everyone starts with). BVB isn't a bad fandom, most people like them at some time. They just have a different dynamic.
Think of BVB, with that rush of initial love and obsession. A rush that fades for most people.

Living in a queer world...

I surround my self in an LGBTQ world. I go to WAGLY, a queer kid group (25-40 kids a meeting) every Monday. A vast majority of my friends are queer (at least 4/5 of all my friends). My parents accept me. I go to an accepting Unitarian Universalist church. I'm on the verge of getting a girlfriend. I frequently forget about the straight world, homophobia, and assholes who don't get it. It's just such a huge part of my life, you know? I don't know my sexuality, I just know I'm queer and I date who I wanna date, usually regardless of gender. I feel like a girl one day, a guy the next. I swap lipstick and heels with chest compression in a second, and then I wear it all at the same time. It's just not a big deal for me any more, you know? People come out to me, sounding all nervous, and I would have assumed they were queer. when people make a big deal of it it's just like what? It's just loving whoever. Whenever I see guys I somehow always assume that guys are girls in guy's clothing.