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THE SCOOP

I think my favorite thing to do on this site is post comments to other people's blogs. WHen I'm not feeling great, it makes me feel like I'm helping my friends. When I'm bored I feel productive.And I know how great I feel when I see I got a comment, and I want to pass that feeling on to someone else.

My brother is eating chips, milk and Recces Peices really loudly and it's kinda (aka super) annoying.

Ace doesn't really text me anymore. I know he's depressed. I know he sleeps all day. But it's still hard. I hate when I see he was online a few muinets ago but doesn't say anything to me.

Out Of It

in class. can't focus. really don't want to be here in school. I could take five but I don't think that will make a difference. feel out of it. have music next, that's cool. Discovered a new band called The Winter Passing. I like them a lot. Not sad or anything. Just wanna be gone. Wanna do bad things, but that's just cause I always do. I won't do bad things, don't worry. I just think of them.
Writing on this site helps though. It's grounding and makes me feel better.
xoxoZ

hello

haven't written for a while. In class. Just sayig hello.
Blood'Y Revenge; GOod luck on exams and everything <3
MSUNEVERSHOULDEVERKNOW: hope you're still liking this site. sorry I haven't replied to your email yet. I will soon!
lostn'foundagain: cool poem idea :) keep it up
xoxoZ

He's Not Dead He Only Looks That Way

Hey guys
I'm in study.
really enjoying this fanfic He's Not Dead He Only Looks That Way (link is in the comments, if it lets me post it there)
in it, frank dies and goes to hell. Gerard is a demon and makes frank his slave. Very good :) there are a few things that might be hard to read or triggering, those things are listed when you open the fic, if anyone's interested in reading. The chapters are kinda short. I read ch 1-29 in about a day or two.
Hope you all are doing well. Love you guys so much, keep running
xoxoZ

one of those nights

well I guess it's a watch mcr video till I cry for them to come back sorta night...
im a bullets mood. and black parade, which is weird cause i actually don't listen to tbp much. i just want them to be.. around.
i just want all of them at once. the band, the music, the community, the fanfic. every year, every album. The cringe worthy and the tear triggeringI just want to be entirely engulfed and overwhelmed by them.
I also don't have any of my meds so it's gonna be a sleepless night anyways.
someone talk to me or something. I love you guys so much. You make everything real
xoxoZ

sleep deprived poems about mcr

I have a goal
and that is to see Gerard
I'm going to his house
He has a really big yard!

Frank has a dog
Maybe one or two
Frank loves pets
He has a whole zoo!

Mikey was cute
Back in 2005
But that was then
And this is now
Mikey looks like a douche

Ray says hey
To the sky and to the sun
Ray can play
The guitar and have some fun!

Bob doesn't matter
No one cares about you
Just kidding, we all love bob
And are scared of him too!

xoxoZ

best time to listen to MCR

Took a night walk at 4 am. Was cold and street-lit. Was listening to early MCR, revenge and bullets. THe music had never felt more right. The scene felt like being in a poem. At night, it's harder to tell what year it is. I felt like it was 2002-2005. The Band just coming to life. I could be anywhere.
xoxoZ

things are rough so I'm trying to distract myself

When I'm having a really rough time I like to pretend it's 2005. Bring out Underoath and read old LJ fanfic posts. It's weird but it gives me something to do and something else to focus on. I'm crashing down so hard right now, falling into old habits, can't stop, cause as my therapist reminded me, once an addict always an addict. It's so easy for me to get hooked again and fall back into addiction but I don't WANT to be an addict again. All the doctors and hospitals and NEED.... Can't go there again. Been doing so well. Can't relapse hard, again.
Anyways
I like to paint my nails at this time.

happy christmas x

Happy christmas everyone! Hope you all are having fantastic holidays. I love you all, you guys are so great to me and to each other. I'm incredibly thankful to have this band, site, and community in my life <3
xoxoZ

getting rough

things are kinda rough. It could be good,I could be fine, If I just stopped doing it. And I could just stop. But It's still so good, I don';t want to stop. So, as a result, things are rough. I don't; really mind though.
Happy almost-xmas
xoxoZ

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