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Squirrel Day

I was bored.

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3 weeks...

3 weeks, that's how long i was clean for.
but then 3 nights ago i relapsed. did it again last night too.
such a fucking loser, i can't even go a month i used so many coping skills i learned from my program but in the end i gave in.
today i have an interview for 6-months of group therapy. i don't think they will let me in, because i haven't stopped the habit. I feel like I've turned into my bipolar, my anxiety, my failures. I don't deserve any help...
xoxo
-Z

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Squirrels

SO I was sad. I've been sad for a couple days after my streak of happiness.
I think I found what makes me happy:
http://www.omgsquirrel.com/
yes, omg squirrel . com. its a website devoted to squirrel pictures. at first it wans't helping, but then i hit reload and saw the sledding squirrel and the squirrel being blown in the wind. God, I fucking love squirrels.
xoxo
-Z

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Essay on why you should listen to MCR

Z Peverill-Conti
3/19/14

“It’s not a band - it’s an idea.”
My Chemical Romance (MCR) started in 2001, after singer Gerard Way witnessed the 9/11 attacks first hand. He joined Ray Toro (guitar), Frank Iero (guitar), Mikey Way (bass) and Matt Pelissier (drums, later replaced by Bob Bryar) together into a band with the goal of helping people. They released 4 albums over the 12 years that they were together. Unfortunately, on March 22, 2013, the band split up due to unknown causes. Despite the band’s break up, people still listen to MCR’s music for many reasons that should be considered.

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Sorry for all the posts, I just need to get this out

I'm okay. But at the same time, I'm not.
I feel like I'm honestly happy, but I also feel like I'm not.
It's like something is bubbling inside of me, waiting to explode.
What's wrong with being sad? WHat's wrong with being depressed? Whats wrong with being broken? I can't hurt myself anymore. Got ride of my tools. So why do people want to fix me? Sure, I don't like feeling this way, but I don't like feeling any way really, because all that I feel, it feels fake. And I don't want help right now because I don't need help right now. I'm not fine and that's okay.
there's so much fucking wrong with me.
xoxo
-Z

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Job Didn't work out

there were too many people, the work was too stressful, and my work permit says I can only work till 7 but they need me till 8. So it's not working out anymore :/
xoxo
- Z

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Got A Job

I've never had a job before, but Green Leaf Café (the vegan/vegetarian restaurant) just hired me to bus tables. I'm working today, tomorrow, saturday and sunday. but today and friday are training sessions. I hope it works out. :)
xoxo
-Z

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Haven't Posted In A While

Hey guys,
Sorry I haven't been online in awhile. To be honest, not much has been going on. My mood's been stable (Yay lithium!) Schools been fine enough, and my album is going well.
It's sad, all the people who were posting when I started on this site, a year ago from tomorrow, don't post here anymore. I'm glad that new people are coming on though, it shows that the MCRmy is still alive, and still expanding.
Hopefully I'll post soon, hope you are all doing well!
xoxo
- Z

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dun dun DUN

I've been doing GREAT for the past couple weeks, and been taking advantage of that by being ectra creative. But I've been sleeping a ton more so my psychiatrist and my therapist both said that that probably means I'm gonna hit a low soon, and should prepare. I made 3 safety plans that should help me get through. I also want to make a safety box of things that help me get through. I already have knitting, lotion and bubble bath. Any suggestions?
xoxo
- Z

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When Life Shits On You...

So many people seem down today on here. I'm gonna tell you now that things DO get better and you're not alone. I promise. Life likes put the strong ones through a lot. But life won't do this to you forever, you have done NOTHING wrong to deserve this, You are all beautiful and thank you so so so much for sticking through, for staying strong.
"Everything's gonna be alright in the end, if it's not alright then it's not the end."
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
- Z