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march 22/sick day

hey guys
so it's march 22nd. 3 years since the break up.. It's sad and all but I kinda like March 22nd. It brings everyone together. It unites everyone in mourning and supporting each other. It reminds me of how lucky we are to be together, even though our leaders aren't in charge, they handed us the responsibility of keeping the band alive. And what an honor that is.

Also, I'm sick which is NOT what I wanted to be doing today.

Snow day ramble

hey guys! so it's a snow day today. And I'm sick! sucks! Just woke up this morning with a bad cough :/ I also saw my friend yesterday so hopefully he won't get sick.
I have a lot to say for march 22nd but I'll save that for then. All I'm gonna say is keep your head up, cause in a way, it's the best day for MCR. the whole MCRmy comes together to support one another, isn't that special?
Ordered a home piercing kit. I know it's just 6 month till I'm 18, but I've wanted my lip pierced for a looooooooong time.

Coping Cards

I know I just posted a blog but check it out!
BAM! I made a youtube video about this super cool, super effective coping stratagy I used! Hoping some of you who have a hard time could use it to! It's called coping cards and is all explained in the video I made and linked! Enjoy my little lovies :)

sorry I've been gone!

sorry I havn't been online in so long
wow I'm tiered. I was just at the park, swinging to mcr's TCFSR. I got really pumped while listening! Was a lot of fun. Until my hands started burning from the cold :P
TOmorrow I'm gonna be an extra in the movie Snowflake :) Apparently I'm not supposed to say anything about the scene, but I would if I could! You guys should watch it when it comes out, see if you can find me. I'm the one walking by with neon yellow/green and black hair. pretty obvious :p
Seriously though i'm sorry I've been gone.

Anti emo

Hey guys. Had a shitty day. Cryed a ton. But I don't want to talk about that. I wanna talk about stereotypes. I am not your typical emo. I'm an anti-emo emo. Idk about you guys but the words I use to describe myself and my style are pretty much just the musical genres I listen to with a few other thing mixed into my Z soup. I'd say I'm an emo, punk, hardcore trans* queer kid, if I wanted you to really get my teen labels. But I'm not what you expect. I don't fit the steryotyope of emo, punk, trans, whatever.

sunday update

Hey guys
i havent posted in a lil while. stayed with my friends for the weekend. I've been up for three hours but she's still asleep. a lot of my friends are in rough situations now. I want to help, but it's hard cause i'm having such a hard time too. had to call a crisis line again last night. i thought i was sufficating, i was freaking out. i thought i'd never stop wanting bad things and i'd never get bettter and i was panicing so much. mom said i should probably go to the ER but i really didn't want to.... i feel like a bitch and a shitty friend because i'm not in a place to help others.

we built a world

we're just so cool and thorough, I feel like we've built not just a community but a whole WORLD. we have culture (art, music, literature, created an appearance appearance). we have society (sites like this, mating calls liek spread the pinky, trust, support, community, bases where we can find each other like this site). I feel like we have built so much, and we built so much on our own, without the bad even helping. the mcrmy is so developed and so kind and so loving and creative.


SO remember how I mentioned going to a day hospital and then getting discharged after a day cause it didn't work? well now we're talking about going to a CBAT (community based acute treatment). a CBAT is:

an intensive, short-term acute residential unit for children and adolescents experiencing behavioral and emotional difficulties. Often, the CBAT program is used as a diversion to an inpatient hospitalization. Treatment and stabilization is provided in a structured setting.

discharged from day program

discharged from my day hospital. i need something more intense. and i hate group therapy. i can;t go back to school for the rest of the week since my in school clinician is out this week. but of corse i'm not allowed to be home alone, so i'm in my dad's office till later. i'm just so frustrated and emotionally unstable and tiered i keep crying and i hate it i just want to sleeo and feel ok.

it's not a baby, it's a maybe

3 weeks till the symptoms
2 weeks till the test
24 weeks is the deadline
to do what I know is best
this is the potential consequence
for having unprotected sex
i'm so scared
this morning when i woke up i had to go to the bathroom, I thought I was gonna puke. Symptoms don't start for 3 weeks but I feel like that's not a good sign to feel this nauseous the morning after. and after missing the pill on one or two days....but i need to stop worrying. it's too soon to worry. and in the words of Eve Ensler, "it's not a baby, it's a maybe"