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Thank You for the Venom

I love how I try reaching out to people and literally nobody responds. Seriously, did anybody care about my poem or my thoughts or my trying to help? (Please excuse the bitchy tone, I've been having a terrible day)
I feel like the amount of decent people in this world has declined dramatically in my life time. And more importantly, I feel like the amount of people who actually care, and that goes for this community too, has decreased exponentially in the past... month. Cause that's how long I've been paying attention.
I just... I don't get it.

Aside from that (if anybody's even willing to get to this part), how is your day? Cause mine's been shittastic.

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A poem I wrote

Before I get to the title and the poem, no, I'm not going to commit suicide. Although, the situation I mentioned earlier did make me feel terrible about myself.
I call it "Suicide Note", and I wrote it for all of us. The people who get bullied and picked on, singled out by our peers because we're too awesome for them to handle. But this poem goes out to all of you killjoys and Black Paraders. You are never alone.

"Suicice Note"
A poem by Chemical_Insanity

I just couldn't take it
Nobody gets it
Nobody cares
I pulled away so no one would miss me
Don't you see?
I needed to escape.

Don't bother yourself with how
Focus,
If only a little,
On why
Why'd I choose to do it only now?
And for what purpose?
Was I being selfish?
Or was I being real?

I've had enough of the rumours
I've seen too many looks,
Heard too many whispers
"Slut"
"Emo"
"Bitch"
"Whore"
All stockpiling
All hurting more and more
"White trash"
"Attention seeker"
"Ugly little fuck"

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I'm Not Okay

On Friday something happened, that now I regret. I was hanging out with the guy I liked and another friend, across the fucking table from my best friends. And they kept inviting me to recite epic rap battles of history with them, but at the time I didn't really want to. Not because I was embarrased by them, I just don't find it as interesting as they do.
And then today Antichrist Angel told me she was still mad at me about that, and that she and Acid Shock had been hurt by me doing that. And that she had never ignored me for a guy she likes.

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Hmmm....

I'm not exactly sure how to start this blog... But lets try this...
You guys are not alone. Not a single one of you. No matter what your story is, you are not alone. There's a whole community and band right here that are like you, and we are here for you.
So... what's your story? How has your life been so far? Or maybe you're going through a problem of some sort right now. Tell me about it. I'd like to know.
Here to remind you that someone's always listening,

-Chemical_Insanity

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I HAVE A GUITAR!!!

I finally got my first guitar today! It's black and beautiful and I have named it Shadow. I'm never gonna stop playing now XD

-Chemical_Insanity

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No song titles could begin to describe this

I'm so.... CONFUSED!!! I think my crush was avoiding me today, and then Robert said he fixed the problem at lunch and Chase still wouldn't talk to me. What the hell? Am I supposed to be doing something or what?...
I'm going to talk to Chase tomorrow, so I guess it doesn't really matter. But I'm SO. CONFUSED!
And this is why you shouldn't let your friends tell the guy (or girl) you like that you like them. Shit gets confusing and weird, and... and...
I have a giant headache. I also woke up at 3 in the fucking morning because of my brother. I'm going to bed.
Night Killjoys and Black Paraders

-Chemical_Insanity

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Macy's Day Parade

I hate my friend Robert. I mean, he's gay and awesome, but sometimes I just want to kill him.
Like today. Which did not go at ALL how I had it planned in my head. I spent all morning psyching myself up to ask my crush out, because my anxiety makes it hard to do things like that. So I spent all morning giving myself a mental pep-talk for something that would probably only take two minutes, if that. I get to school, somewhere between wanting to pass out and wanting to break something, and Robert just had to come up to me and tell me that my crush already knew I liked him. All that pep-talk went down the drain. Get through first period, start shaking a little in Washington State History. Nothing major.

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Fully Alive

I like this guy... I have for a while... and I'm going to ask him out tomorrow. I'm really nervous just thinking about it... cause I tried to yesterday and it didn't go so well... but I'm going to try again. He didn't say no... I just sort of chickened out. But I'm going to do it tomorrow!
Agh can't stop thinking about him now.
His name is Chase. He's amazing. He loves Borderlands and Assassins Creed (like me!) and he's funny and he's a really great guy. He always gives me hugs, too, which makes my day. He doesn't know how often I need those hugs to pull me together for the rest of the day. He cheered me up on Valentines Day. He cheered me up when none of my friends could make it for my birthday. And he cheered me up today when I didn't feel good enough... when I felt like I wasn't worth anything, when I felt like I should just give up. Not on life, rest assured, but on a passion of mine.
...I need to calm down hehe. Otherwise I won't be able to sleep, and wouldn't that suck?

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Fully Alive

I like this guy... I have for a while... and I'm going to ask him out tomorrow. I'm really nervous just thinking about it... cause I tried to yesterday and it didn't go so well... but I'm going to try again. He didn't say no... I just sort of chickened out. But I'm going to do it tomorrow!
Agh can't stop thinking about him now.
His name is Chase. He's amazing. He loves Borderlands and Assassins Creed (like me!) and he's funny and he's a really great guy. He always gives me hugs, too, which makes my day. He doesn't know how often I need those hugs to pull me together for the rest of the day. He cheered me up on Valentines Day. He cheered me up when none of my friends could make it for my birthday. And he cheered me up today when I didn't feel good enough... when I felt like I wasn't worth anything, when I felt like I should just give up. Not on life, rest assured, but on a passion of mine.
...I need to calm down hehe. Otherwise I won't be able to sleep, and wouldn't that suck?

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Crow Song

Angel Beats! is my favorite anime. It's fucking amazing. Today I finally finished it and I almost started crying. The ending was so sad!
And now I'm lying in bed listening to Fiction by a7x, wondering why all the people of Angel Beats! had to pass on... why they weren't living instead of in the 'limbo' they were in... wondering why The Rev had to die. His voice was amazing and he was a phenomenal drummer. Wondering what my crush is thinking right now... wondering if he likes me back... wondering if I'll die alone... Wondering how I could make a difference in the world... Wondering how to help the hurting, the ones who bear the scars of their battles on their wrists or ribs or legs... but I don't know how I could ever accomplish that.

-Chemical_Insanity